What do i need to do to get my M back???? I feel like i'm running around in circles and not getting anywhere. Can someone please help me or point me in the right direction so that i can get my W and kids back?!?!?!?!
So Sunday night i decide to shut my phone off. I was just tired of all the BS and just dont really want to talk to W, well i do but you know what i mean. So i go all day with my phone in my pocket and i don't turn it on. In my mind i'm thinking there are going to be some seething text messages from W because i have my phone off and that i'm ignoring, which i kind of am.
So about 10:00 last night i turn my phone on and i only have two texts from her. The first one asking me if i felt better today and the second one asking me why my phone is off.
M: My phone died last night when we were texting, i put it on the charger and forgot about it.
W: what do you mean you forgot about it?
M: I was running late for work this morning and forgot it at the house.
W: No you didn't! I was at the house don't lie to me
M: When?
W: I went there today i had no clue why u weren't texting me back.....so don't f'ing lie to me you haven't been there all day and you had your phone cause it wasn't there.
M: Your pillow and blanket were still there when i got home from work and left for my hockey game.
W: And you didn't take your skates....so for real stop lying
M: Those are my ice hockey skates! My roller hockey skates are in my bag.
W: Ok i believe you
W: And don't ever make me think you're dead on the side of the road again.
M: I'm glad you believe me, cuz it's true....What?? Why did you think that?
W: Cause you weren't responding hello!
M: Oh geez.....i'm sorry i scared you
W: You better be
M: I am =x)
M: I felt a little better today
W: ok good
M: I didn't mean to scare you
W: I know you didn't
M: I'm sorry i scared you =:(
W: It's ok....ok goodnight take your phone tomorrow or i will have to search for you again
M: Hmmmmm....maybe i'll forget it again =o)
M: Nite babe
M: Nite girls, luv u all xoxoxoxo
So that was pretty much our text conversation last night. She had said she was filing for divorce the night before and i just felt like i needed to shut the phone off and be "alone" so to speak. Yes i know i did lie to her about not having my phone with me but i felt i needed to do this for me. I'm going to let her initiate contact with me, i know this will be extremely hard but it's something i need to do. I want my family back so bad but i'm sure that i've been doing all the wrong things to achieve my goal. I've been reading through some of the Successful Men stories in the Staying Solution-Focused Workshop and i so want to be one of those success stories.
So the question or questions i have is what do i have to do achieve my goal?? I know there are alot of people here with great advice. I read through Denver and ninelives threads and i see all the great advice that they get. I want to be a sponge and soak up all this great advice. I love my W and kids more than anything in the world, I'd give up all i have to just have them back!!
I pray everyday that things will change that my W will come back home. God bless all of you.
D&C, man this is all painful to read. I know the pain of OM all too well.
But here is the thing. Your W is having an A.
You are STILL begging, pleading, and bargaining. VERY anti DB.
You are still calling her 'babe.'
What does OM call her.
I do not say this to hurt you, I just know from my own experience how hard it is to accept.
Have you read DR? If not do so. If you have. Read it again.
NO BEGGING and PLEADING!
In your last exchange, how many times did you say you were sorry? For what again? Well, you shouldn't have lied. If you had not done that, I'd say nothing. So why did you lie? Out of fear?
Could you have not said "W, I needed some time for myself today to sort some things out"
Would that have been honest? Would there have been anything to apologize for?
One thing that I find so important in all of this, and that is giving yourself time to step back from things, find yourself, and get your head clear. Without it, you will make mistake after mistake.
Shoot even if you do, you will make mistakes. We all do. We just do our best to learn from them.
Right now I see someone who is so scared he is holding on by his finger nails. Trust me, I know the feeling. But you can't hold on that way for very long. You will fall.
So start building a place to land. Stand back up. And then, move forward.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Oh, just want to add. I know how much being on moderation at the beginning [censored]. By your post count I am guessing it will be over soon.
You will start getting much more support once your posts show up on the first page. Until then, keep journaling and feel free to post on other peoples threads.
Even in the heat of the battle, you might not have advice you can give, but you can be another ear to listen. A quick post just to show this can mean more than you might think.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Country thank you for the reply. Hmmm why did i lie? Not really sure other than i just needed time to myself without a text. So basically what you said should've been my reply which is pretty much the truth. I just needed time to myself to let my brain not go into warp speed.
I'm currently reading DR. Yes i do need to stop with the begging and pleading, i wholeheartedly agree. The apologizing was because i had scared her and made her think something bad had happened to me. I guess what you are saying is thats to bad on her part huh?
You're right, i'm scared sh!tless. Scared that i'm losing my family that i love and cherish very much. More than anything in the world. Scared that i'm losing my wife whom i care very deeply about.
I've vowed not to initiate contact with her, to let her contact me first and to make it just about the girls. This is extremely hard for me because i want to talk to my wife and ask her how she is and how the girls are. I feel like i'm getting better at this but it's very hard for me.
You're right, i'm scared sh!tless. Scared that i'm losing my family that i love and cherish very much. More than anything in the world. Scared that i'm losing my wife whom i care very deeply about.
I completely understand and it is completely understandable.
All you can do is just start working on it one step at a time.
This *crap* takes time.
Just know that this fear is your biggest enemy right now.
It will cause you to do things you shouldn't.
I will be what keeps you stuck.
The quicker you can get a handle on the fear.
The quicker you will begin to move forward.
Hang in there.
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Just wanted to let everyone know that i got fired from my job on Friday. The reason was in direct correlation to my situation. My head wasn't in the game at work and they cut me a lot of slack and i probably stayed longer than i should've.
Right when i need my wife the most she is so far away!!!
