I don't know where to start. I'm 41 my wife is 33 we've been together for 10 years and married for soon to be 7 in July. We have 3 girls ages 11, 8 and 3. The 11 year old is my step daughter.
In September of 2010 i found out my wife was texting another man. It wasn't the first time that this sort of thing had happened so i decided to lock her out of the house because i wanted answers and thought i deserved answers. From that point on everything went south. She would hang out with this OM with my kids doing things that i should of been doing with them.
It's been up and down every since and for right now i don't have the time to fill in everything just yet. My wife has stated several times that she wants a divorce and then at other times she'll say she wants to seperate. Well the seperation came to fruition this past Tuesdat 6/7/11. I'm at work right now but i will post again and fill in the blanks. I just wanted to get my post started because i've been reading thru some other peoples posts and situations and see so many similarities. Also some great people with awesome insight into things. I hope to learn some things and hopefully get out of this "dark" stage in my life.
I'll try to fill the blanks in as best as i can now. In the beginning of our relationship and marriage i had a problem with looking at internet porn. My wife caught me and she was very distraught over it and i hurt her very deeply because of it. Since that time, approximately 6 or 7 years ago i have not looked at porn on the internet but the damage was done. She still brings this up against me to this day. I have issues with my anger and my temper. I grew up in a with a fther who was an alcoholic and abusive. He never abused me to my knowledge but i witnessed him hitting and abusing my mother alot. There was also the emotional abuse that he used on my mother. This is where i believe my anger and emotional abuse comes from. My wife has stated that i am emotionally abusive to our girls. I love my kids more than life itself and i never wanted to hurt them but i have and it breaks my heart so much!!
After locking my wife out of the house she had stated several times that she wanted a divorce but i adamently told her i would not divorce her. In that time frame i tried to reconcile with her but she didn't want to do that. In the months that have passed it seemed as though things were going well and then things would turn for the worse. We still got along good and talked but there was still a void so to speak. She had stated several times that she wanted to seperate but i didn't want to seperate. She said she was waiting until our girls finished school and she leaving. Her dad has an old house that she has moved into about 20 minutes away. It's only been a week but it's extremely hard for me. I miss my girls sooo much, miss tucking them in at night and kissing them. I miss holding them in my arms. I also miss my wife very much. She tells me that she needs time.
The other day when i was getting our girls we were talking and she was crying as we were talking. I texted her tnd said "how can you just forget about me, about us and all that we have" to which she replied "actually it's breaking my heart but i'm not coming back to start our issues over again". Later that day i texted her ans said "I know you still love me" and she said "I love you but i don't love the stuff that happened and is still happening". I'm just so lost and scard that i'm going to lose all that means everything in the world to me. Any help or insight is greatly appreciated.
Well in talking to my wife today i said that during this seperation we are not going to date/see anyone else to which she replied "I don't know". She said that "i'm gonna do what i want when i want....i'm not ready to date but if and when i am i will"
Wife and i had a very good talk last night on the phone. I basically talked most of the time and she listened but when she talked i listened wholeheartedly. I told i realized that i hurt her and in turn while i was hurting her with my ignorance that i was also hurting myself. I told her that it has devastated and crushed me that i hurt her so. I can't sleep well and i think about all the hurtful things that i did to my wife. I explained to her that i start counseling next week and the with God's help i'm gonna be the man i want to be. The husband and man that she deserves and the father that my girls deserve. I told her that i'm going to prove it to her and show her that i can be that man.
Funny thing happened while i was telling her that i'm gonna be the man i want to be, as i'm telling her that the Chris Young song "The Man I Want To Be" came on and also as i was leaving the house for work this morning that was the song on the radio!!
Hoping and praying that with God's help i'll show her that i will be the man i want to be.
It will help you a great deal in formulating a strategy in dealing with your personal situation. Sometimes that's the best help of all in my humble opinion.
BITS Me-51, WAS-52 Kids 2 M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013 Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice. Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Dazed, Welcome aboard. There is a lot of good advice on this forum and in the books. The fact that you are here is a positive step. My initial advice is to read the books a few times and read as many posts on this forum as time allows. I have learned a lot by following all the threads and the great advice that is exchanged on this community.
Me 46 W 43 M 17 S 14 D 11 ILYB 9/2010 EA began July/August 2010 ? PA began Nov/Dec 2010 ? I began DB in Jan 2011 I filed 7/12/11 Kids and I moved out 7/30/11 I'm in it for the kids and me.
Scylla, i have an appointment with a counselor this coming Tuesday she came recommended by a couple of people i know. I have to once and for all take care of my personal issues. I have started back to church and i have a lot of great people praying for me and for us. I've started reading DR and I also watched the movie "Fireproof" which came recommended by a couple of friends. It was a very eye opening movie and showed me how much some of my actions have hurt my wife. I told her that i'm very hurt by hurting her and that it has devastated and crushed me that i hurt her like i did.
She worked last night and i had our girls and she decided to spend the night rather than show up @ 5:00 in the morning to be with our girls. I had planned on sleeping on the couch but she said that i could sleep in the bed. It was sooo nice to have my wife back in our bed.
