cont.. It was nothing you did, said, or did not do. You truly have to believe that in order to let go. You have to come to the conclusion that your life is just as important as the midlifer. You have to believe that you deserve happiness and a fulfilling life.
Does you ex think about you? Yes, often. Does he miss what you had? Yes, very. Does he still love you? I don't think they really know the meaning of "love". Somewhere that concept got distorted and destroyed. If they come out of the crisis, I believe they can eventually understand and come to appreciate that love is a choice, a committment, a vow, something sacred. I think they were just acting out what they thought they needed to do at the time.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting you again are right. I see my EX today as a man I don't know. I don't like the man that he has become. I almost feel sorry for OW but she made her bed as well.
Ex is a very lost soul today. He is only a shadow of what he once was and all that he stood for. It saddens me to think of how he must feel. And yet he had choices and he was a coward and ran. Unfortunately he is not the only one that will pay for his mistakes for the rest of our lives.
Somedays it is just harder than most to keep moving forward. I miss so much...
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
I think you are doing well too. We all have to get through this at our own pace. These boards are great to vent. One thing though that is true, going through your ex's crisis is life changing, tragic and sad. The damage they do is huge. It is not something that is easy to get through or forget. I will always carry it with me. Now though it is in a smaller box than before. I pull that box out occassionally, not quite as often as before. I sure don't obsess over it like I use too. I believe that when they do start slowly waking up, (if they do) the tide turns and they start hurting, and obsessing over their loss of you. They start reaping what they have sown.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
again 100%. I wrote a paper for school on MLC. I believe in it. I've lived it. I understand it. I think that EX acted out the only way he could. He crashed and didn't know where/what to do. Maybe that is where I failed. He should have been able to come to me. We were best friends, and yet he couldn't. I have to take responsibilty for my errs as well.
But Trusting. Knowing all that I know, doesn't make it any easier. Another thing is I still believe there is a connection. We don't see each other, we don't talk. I've been thinking of him and going through the emotions again, and last night he calls. First time in over 7 months.
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
Yes, the missing is painful. You feel the pain and that is a good thing. That shows that you are going through the process of healing. It also shows that you are a good, caring person that has loved. You are on the right path for you.
Hugs, Trusting
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
This time there was peace. I made it so. No hurts. No angry words. He deserves all that I can throw at him. But it just hurts in the end. Both of us. SO this time. He talked...I listened. Of course it was all about him and his "perfect" life. He even had to include "her" in the conversation. I let it slide. It hurt. But I got through it with dignity and grace. Ended the conversation with "take care". And that was that. It hurt, but not as bad as it has. But in the end I was very proud of myself.
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
Thanks for listening and all your wise words. It is such a heartbreaking thing we've all been through. Thank God for this board and you, and all the others. I know you've all been a blessing for me. There is no one else in the world that can understand like you all can. Everyone thinks that it was just a divorce and we should all get over it. No one understands what it has been like. And when I'm hurting there is no one to turn to that won't ridicule. Thank you! Hugs and best wishes to you as well! TOH
Was theotherhalf XH44 M44 D19 Married 21years Together 23 Bomb 4/07 OW - MLC Seperated 8/07 DV 6/09 New Day....
I feel the same way about my ex --- the connection thing. The thing is though they are not capable of putting that in action. They are "relationship delayed", "emotionally stuck" so to speak. Things don't process like they should. Yes, we all need to own up to our faults in the relationship, but their actions are not a normal response to our flaws and failures. Their responses are way too irrational and they love to blame in order to ease their guilt.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I think you are as mentally stable as anyone else on the board. We all have our good days and bad, and on our bad ones, we tend to try and take the blame upon ourselves for where we are. But actually, where are we? The old dream didn't work out. You get a new one. It may take time for it to shape and form and solify into something that you feel is 'perfect' for you, but it will.
So XH called after 7 month silence just to tell you how great he has it? Really? Sounds pathetic and attention seeking to me. Did OW know he was chatting you up like a girlfriend? Doubtful.
I think you are just on a low at the moment, and I'm sure you've read by now that those lows will become fewer and fewer as times marches on. You'll get through them, and we are all here to help.
