This all stems from the other night when she told me that because she was sleeping in the bed that she was "trying". I told her that is you are still leaving in June then you need to stop trying. Since then she has been on the couch.
I made the mistake last night when going to bed of asking her is she was sleeping on the couch. Loaded question because that allowed her to say yes!
Interesting. Your W's couch experience sounds almost like I was.
I'd sleep on the bed because it was "mine too", and then there'd be hope that we were connecting by sleeping in the same bed, then I'd get pissed at her for something (like she'd say I smelled of work or that it was that time of month or that I didn't make the bed) and I'd be back on the couch.
Maybe that was my way of being a WAS. That was all last year when I started the new business and W started a new life without me. And in the end, I did leave. And my reason was because W did nothing to make me want to stay and it didn't help that I got wind of the EA.
Anyhow... don't know what that means if anything... just saying... :-)
Did she ever sleep in the bed, as she said she would? She really is flip-flopping, and I think it's b/c she realizes that she has no say about your GAL (when, where, or who)if she leaves you.
Continue to GAL without giving her a play-by-play. If it makes her jealous or angry, then she has to deal with it and you should not feel obligated to assure her about your own free time. She can't have it both ways, KWIM? As long as you are not being cruel or disrepecting, I believe she needs to get a little taste of what things might be without her in your life.
Don't make things too easy for her. Make her work for you. Don't ask her if she's going to bed. Instead, act as if you haven't given it a second's thought about where she will sleep.
She changed her mind about sleeping in the bed, and just by asking her that one question....she may regret ever saying she would sleep in bed a couple of times, b/c she doesn't want to give you the "wrong message"....or raise your hopes. So, don't show that you even care one way or the other.
There is still time. As often and as quickly as she changes her mind....who know what things will be a couple of months. But like I said, if she starts talking about not getting a D, etc., don't get off into long talks about the R or even the future. She needs to do the work and not lay everything at your door. Remember to have more of an attitude of "I have a lot to think about before I decide anything". That is like a bolt of electricity shock to a WAW. If she should ask you what that statement means, you say, "Nothing, other than I have a lot to think about". If she asks if you don't want to work on the M, you just keep going back to that same theme. "I'm not saying that, I just know I want to think about what will make me happy". (Is that a 180 or what!) I think right now you need to stay clear of R talks.
Keep doing what works and stop what doesn't.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She needs to do the work and not lay everything at your door. Remember to have more of an attitude of "I have a lot to think about before I decide anything". That is like a bolt of electricity shock to a WAW. If she should ask you what that statement means, you say, "Nothing, other than I have a lot to think about". If she asks if you don't want to work on the M, you just keep going back to that same theme. "I'm not saying that, I just know I want to think about what will make me happy". (Is that a 180 or what!) . . .
you are giving me a shot int he butt because I have finally reached the point of understanding everything you have been tellign me.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
right now I still have no hope of her staying in June, but I will continue on this path. I am going to continue hanging out with friends, I will not stay out past midnight if possible because it is kinda of bad for me to wake up late and waste half my days when it could be spent with my kids.
That being said, I am being me to the utmost. We shall see what happens.
I've not got many posts but I've been reading this site for 9 months, my situation was very similar to yours. At first my W was going to "definitely" be gone by October, then by January
Long and short of it is take June with a pinch of salt, act "as if" your happy with her going or staying.Be happy if she's on the couch or in your bed. Let her bring up all relationship talk. Roll with the punches with a smile on your face.
My situation has now turned 180 degrees. My wife's feelings have come back, we are a couple again in every way. There is nothing to say that this won't happen for you.
Wife still sleeps on couch and nothing much has changed. I enjoyed dinner last night because we ate at the dining room table for the first time in a long while.
Other than that, not much new on the front. I have not brought up any relationship talk for some time now. Neither has she so I take that as her glad I am keeping my mouth shut.
I have been playing with the kids a bit more and last Saturday we had a family day cleaning up the yard. Mother's Day was spent at a friends house for BBQ and fun. That was pretty nice day all in all.
Still no physical or emotional affection what so ever. I am still hating that but nothing can be done about that. Just trying to hang tough.
Still very hard and each day I still want to ask for a hug or if she loves me.
SANDI2 I miss you.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
Good job Scared. It sounds like you are kind of in limbo but with some positives. DONT backslide and ask for HUGS or LOVE affirmation. This will make you look weak.
Keep being strong and Positive. You are in a sitch that many of us on this board would die for. Still at home with your W and no confirmed OM.
Im keeping my fingers crossed for you.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
It is good to hear from you! Please continue to stay silent regarding R talk. The closer time marches on toward June....the more important to NOT talk about her decisions/plans/intentions. If you were to confront her ....it might cause her to feel pressured into carrying out what she had threatened in the begining. However, if you stay away from R talks, then it's very possible that she would pretend nothing was ever said about her leaving in June.
I'm so glad that things went well on Mother's Day!
((Big Hugs, S2D))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
