I want to find out from the vets on here if I have any hope here. I have had an interesting last month. My C told me that I could not control my W's actions...I knew it all along but suddenly I get it....I also bought 5LL and read it three times. OMG I can't believe what I have not done in my relationship over the years. Since reading the book I have not had any negative interactions with W, in fact just the opposite. We have had lunch almost every day that she works...And since she moved an hour away she calls me and I talk with her the whole ride to work and the whole ride home....This is a new development. I also have had her talk about the age difference in her and the OM, he is 15 years her junior. She even called me one night and asked if I would meet her for dinner. That has never happened. She also is a classic WAW....she told me last year that she did not love me and that we never should have been married. She also told me that I could never change, that its impossible for people to change and keep them going...Fast forward 10 months later and she asked me the other day...what would it be like if we got back together....She also told me that she loves me and knows the emotional connection can come back and she could fall in love with me again. She also said that she has noticed changes in me but that she does not trust me to keep them going. These are great developments....I also have been reconnecting with my five girls and my wife loves that as well. So in talking with my C today she advised me that since she last saw me, I am glowing with confidence with in myself. She does however caution me about being patient....I am being patient...my W has seen my changes and apparently likes them. I however think that she is afraid that if she dumps OM and I screw up he is already gone.....So what advice or 2x4's can you all give me. I will be patient as I can be and I think that she will come around...I have been GAL and making changes with in me....I do feel however that I will be alright with whatever happens.... So give it to me.....
Keep working on you, and keep being patient. I know how hard that can be when we want it so much, but time really does heal all. I think these are very positive steps for you, but treat them gently and don't read too much into them. I am hoping the best for you.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
I however think that she is afraid that if she dumps OM and I screw up he is already gone..
So you're telling me that your W is still seeing OM? I agree with yourIC, I would show extreme caution especially if she is still seing OM.
Also, this is your perception of her feelings. Unless she told you this then you can't be sure.
Keep your living your changes. Your W said said she notices them. Her fear is that if she comes back things will be great for a bit but then will revert back to the old M. This is a common fear by the WAW.
I would say continue the course your on, don;t chase her. She will come to you when she's ready to do the work. Also, as a boundary for yourself, she must break all contact off with OM before you would even consider working on the M.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Add to this, she must be given time to mourn the OM. Especiailly if she was in a relationship with OM and not just an affair.
Hope for the best but dont persue, that is a nono.
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BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Hey thanks....yes she is still involved with OM.....she did initiate a R talk and by the end of the conversation after her noticing my changes...point blank asked me what would be different if we got back together.....I told her no old ways our old M is dead.....I did tell her I would be there to support her through her withdrawal towards the OM. I have been on here about a year and have not always followed the advice given....but everything I read on here is spot on what I am going through.....So I will tread lightly with her...because your right...its my perception of what she thinks....remember she did tell me that she loves me but does not trust me to keep the changes up.....so again thanks for stopping by and I will try to keep updates coming...
