I explained to her that we have a different perspective on what has happened, but that I don't entirely NOT get how she feels about it. I explained that, in any case, I forgive her. I then told her that my anger and vitriol is towards OM bc I think that he took advantage of her while she was in a vulnerable state.
I believe you are not being honest with your wife or yourself here. I am sure you may have anger toward the om, but I would also believe you have some unresolved anger at your wife on this issue. Maybe you are scared of telling your wife that "yes" you are somewhat angry at her for not ending the relationship with the OM and yes you may be angry with her for not coming out directly and telling you the facts and the truth about what REALLY is what is going on here...
I don't know how you can honestly forgive someone for something if you don't even know the facts of what is really going on to forgive them for. Bottom line is that they are STILL in contact. It is not coincidental that you just happened to be holding her phone when a text came in from OM. Obviously he knew about the birthday party...
Don't let your resolve on this allow you to lie to yourself or be naive about other things. You seem to be scared to get a little tough here and bring this to a head with the other man and her...
Women respect a man who doesn't share his women and is able to walk away from her if she tries to have her cake and eat it too.
She is either in or out. Either ends it with him or she doesn't. Nothing wrong with telling her to contact you when she is absolutely done with him because you have decided that you aren't going to share and aren't going to live in limbo wondering....
This isn't done with malice or anger or a sense of whining or moaning. It is done with confidence and integrity and resolve. Nicely yet firmly...
Women respond to that "stuff" really well... They have a hard time feeling the correct feelings for "wishy washy" men and men who allow them to play both sides....
Good luck
[edited by dbmod to add note: One man's good advice is another man's downfall. Some women respond well to this, a good deal of women go running. In general, this is NOT DB advice.]
Anyways, I wish you all the best with your MC. I do sense a little impatience from you in this one, something I have not seen before, so be careful here. Overall though, you continue to move in the right direction. Take care man!
BITS
Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Been there three times, and got food poisoning twice.
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
edited by dbmod to add note: One man's good advice is another man's downfall. Some women respond well to this, a good deal of women go running. In general, this is NOT DB advice.]
It is great advice dmod. What are your credentials? I haven't noticed you helping to many of these relationships being saved.
I have been at this for about 30 years. Very successful, I might add. Allowing someone to be a cake eater doesn't work.
If it does, the please direct me to all of the examples...
My advice is as good as your advice. Being a mod without showing your credentials of your success in helping etc. etc. means not much. It is BAD advice to allow your spouse to have an affair. Being strong in the right way is NEVER a bad thing. NEVER.
First let me say that I do appreciate that you took your time to check in on my sitch. So please know that I say this with respect...
I read your post earlier this evening, before it was edited, and thought to myself "this is exactly the type of attitude and behavior that landed me in this situation in the first place."
Women do like strong, confident men Gucci. But being strong and confident means that you are able to communicate in a strong, confident, and respectful manner.
What my W knows about me, MORE THAN ANYTHING, is that I am strong and confident. I do not need to draw lines in the sand to prove that to her. IMO, your approach would only make me seem insecure and weak.
I know that I am the better man here... and my W knows it... which is one of many reasons why she is coming back to me.
The R between my W and OM is over. There is no question in my mind about this. My W brought it up again tonight to clarify that it is over between them, but that she is not going to b!tch to him. From her perspective she has no reason to be. I can respect that even if I don't like it. OM has not contacted her since the tm on Saturday.
Sorry to swing a 2x4 in your direction Gucci... but I simply don't agree with the advice that you posted on my thread.
Denver
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
