tonight i am going to treat myself to a dinner party with the girls. one of the things that i have learned through db and the divorce is that your friends are irreplaceable. i often think about how lucky i am to have a group of people that i can count on, and who trust me enough to come to me with problems of their own. even though db did not work for my marriage (i think i came to it too late), it has really helped me as an individual. i learned to concentrate on other areas of my life and not to expect a relationship to fill all of my needs. now, a year later, i am choosing to celebrate the friendships that i have found on this holiday.
i hope that all of you can celebrate with someone you care about as well--new bf/gf, family, friends, etc. remember that your life can be fulfilling even without the ex-spouse.
well, i ran into xh last week at the hospital where we both work. we had a brief, awkward conversation, and that was it. these little encounters always leave me feeling a bit weird...it still hurts to see him looking so happy without me, even though i'm happier without him too.
i've gone on a date since my last post. it was the first time in a while, and it actually felt good for once--gave me hope that the future holds good things. the guy i went out with has had a short marriage too--only a year and a half, no kids. we talked some about the difference between what we knew when we both got married, and what we know now about rel'ships. well, we'll see how it goes! life continues to move on.
a nice pre-diivorce quote of EX's was "i think everyone should have a practice marriage before they get married for real......" i said. nice guess we're you're practice family.
Yeah, OK. Starter marriages, practice families? What about those trial marriages that last 25-30 years and produce children, grandchildren? I guess we're going to have to rewrite those marriage vow to say, "I do, until something better, prettier, richer, thinner...(fill in the blank) comes along and makes me happier.
Paul,
I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses Paul. If people would follow the Bible's balanced viewpoint (not as many understand it but as it really is) this problem would go away to those couples willing to follow it. Who is qualified to teach us. God is; and he promises to do so to those who will listen.
The Bible calls this period "the last days". It will truly be the last days for the world's walkaways whether in a 21st century court or the frontier.
I was reading this thread with some interest. "Starter marriages" to me sounds like a pathetic excuse for this: "If I want to make this M work, and if you make me happy enough, and if nothing else better crosses my path... then of course, I'll be married to you." BS in my book.
Sorry, folks. I calls 'em as I sees 'em. Someone here stated that the pain and process is the same for someone married for a few years as for someone married a long time. Yup. That is very true. This is from someone who should have been married 25 years this year.
Don't want to get on a soapbox here, but despite the conditions under which a couple is married, the commitment should mean the same: til death do you part. You CHOSE to love, you CHOSE to live a life together. I honestly believe we should actively CHOOSE each day to make it work out as much as possible. And again, here I sit... waiting for a divorce to work its way out. I did not succeed with my choices. That's not to say I blame myself, but reality says I am unable to change my STBX's mind... he is free to make his own choices. I could not live with those choices--ethically or morally. So, onward I go with my life.
Blair does make a solid point. God gives us a free will. God gives us what we need to live our lives. How we choose, and how we live is up to us... right or wrong. (And Blair's probably sitting there laughing at me... he knows how unaffiliated with any religion I am ). But we are each free to make a choice is my point. Starter marriages or whatever label you want to slap on an idea... it's still a bad concept... shy away from commitment and undermine what makes our society really click well... solid marriages that form solid families.
well, i agree with you. i was certainly planning on a lifetime commitment...instead i got blindsided after 3.5 years. it *is* a choice to keep loving the same person, and to keep choosing that person every day for the rest of your life. i guess some people do not have the strength to make that choice.
i had an interesting experience last week. i have just started dating someone that i really like--someone that might inspire me to brave the relationship waters for the first time since D. last week, he and i had lunch because he was leaving the country for three weeks the next day. i was on cloud nine coming home that evening, even though i knew he was leaving, because i was so happy to FINALLY be able to care about someone again.
then, i got my mail at home and XH had forwarded a bill to me. the return addy was a sticker with his and OW's name on it. this wave of nausea hit me when i saw it and i threw it away immediately.
it was so weird to go from elation to disgust in the span of a few seconds. i got scared for a while that maybe i wasn't ready for a new relationship if XH still affected me that way. but, i talked to some friends about it, and realized that XH and OW will always make me feel uneasy, because in my mind, it will always remind me of how he cheated on me and how bad that felt. at least, that's what i think. or maybe i'm kidding myself and i'm not really over it. time will tell.
the guy i went out with has had a short marriage too--only a year and a half, no kids. we talked some about the difference between what we knew when we both got married, and what we know now about rel'ships. well, we'll see how it goes! life continues to move on. 
