Not really, but he loves working on the vehicles, cleaning and polishing them and working in the yard. Right now with the weather he doesn't get to do that too much.
I do things for myself and am carrying on my life right now. He knows I am here if he needs me.
YR, Some of them will do yard work, others will do the upkeep on the cars. It's something to that they have control over and it will helps them to find a bit of balance. I know it sounds crazy, but things such as this help them heal in their own way. If he's able to do the things that you have described, he may be of the few that doesn't require a "man cave".
You are doing well and you know and realize what you need to do. That is what is important here...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
YR, It has been a long time since I last posted on the DB board, but I still peek in often. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with all of this again. You are a strong woman. You know what to do and how to do it. Trust in yourself no matter what. And, remember that we are all here for you...just as you have been for us.
Hi Deb! I too checked back in on the boards. It is so sad that there are so many new names on here. I remember going through what they are going through now.
I am taking it one day at a time and keeping busy. My H is home every night, eats dinner, and watches TV. He talked a little more tonight and even cleaned the kitchen after dinner. I dont even want to try and figure him out.
I'll let it be and see what unfolds. Thanks for being here for me Deb! Y
Thanks Snodderly, it's kind of scary how calm I am. I figure he has more to sort through and I have already been through the worst part. You all have taught me well! LOL
yellowrose I'm just not even knowing what to say. I guess I figured that in some cases, things are fixed, and in your case, that seemed to be so, but now, you're saying that your spouse is going back in the tunnel.
I guess the best thing is that you have a "been there done that" mentality. You are primed for this. You know what to do. So take comfort in that.
I still think this stinks for you and my heart goes out to you. It makes me think about me, when my H came back last year after he left the first time, when I thought it was all A-OK and then, he drops on me "no, now I've got someone else on top of it." They can be so convincing that things are ok that you never see it coming.
I imagine that in your case, you ARE seeing it coming WAY before you would have before, so you at least have a chance to proceed with what you have learned.
I wish you much luck :-)
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
That is why this time it is so different. Last time he couldn't wait to get out of the house. He still sleeps in our bed. Wakes me up in the morning before he leaves. He is distant but I am giving him space. He isn't being mean, and is acting like nothing is wrong for the most part.
You will see MANY differences; and that has all to do with the issue or issues that were faced and settled while within the initial tunnel; most of all of these will already be settled, and put behind.
It IS ALWAYS possible to come out, emotionally "blocked" without facing every issue; attempting to "set aside" what is too painful to face; exiting TOO quickly...yet, it comes back later on to be faced in this settling down process...I KNOW, I have lived through this; and closely paid attention to what I learned from this experience.
. I will research and find your threads; and read them, especially the ending you experienced; IF I can find it.
I know this much; and it comes from experience:
Your husband will NOT start healing completely, until everything, that has NOT been settled has been looked at AND settled; and it's hard.
That is WHY I warned you about possible hard rebellion..there should be a child or children you didn't see before; and he still has a desire to run hence the divorce talk...I didn't get that from my husband; I never was threatened with a divorce at any time.
But understand God never puts on us any more than we can bear; and it is important that you continue to use your intuition; just as you did before....you will see more clearly in time, just as I did.
Each person is different, therefore what can be experienced is different..there are NO 'pat' answers to what can happen afterward.
I know I was illustrating a bad time in my situation; but it is better to know the worst that can happen; so the best can be hoped for.
I was actually very glad to have this opportunity; after I realized it was an additional learning process for me....like before, I learned many things in hindsight.
I came to understand more fully WHY this happened to my husband; it's given me a new insight on yet, another possibility.
I could have done without what happened..but, since it did; I know that I can help; because I've walked in those shoes before, myself.
Back later.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
I remember your story from when I first started to post. You showed extraordinary strength and compassion. You seem incredibly calm and I wish you the greatest feelings of peace during this time of trial.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It really does help me alot. I am giving my H lots of space. He was talking alot more last night, but I know that doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Early this morning I woke up with a severe migraine (stress), call my son and let him know I wouldnt be babysitting today. My H asked me if I needed anything, I told him no. He retest the alarm for another hour so I could rest before getting my D up and ready for her program. He told me if I needed anything to call him. At least this time he isn't cold hearted.
