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A Message from Michele
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Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: angel61] #2113667
12/13/10 10:46 PM
12/13/10 10:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 11,646
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Jack_Three_Beans Offline
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Jack_Three_Beans  Offline
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I disagree.

I want my boys, for the sake lets say they are the LBS with empty eyes, to give it their absolute best shot and then some, so that come what may, they can honestly tell themselves, "I did my damndest."

I have no regrets for DBing. If I had quit after 3-4 months...rather if I had quit without giving it my all? Everyone has a different time frame. For some 3-4 is their all.
I would have regreted it.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2113668
12/13/10 10:47 PM
12/13/10 10:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 11,646
J
Jack_Three_Beans Offline
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Jack_Three_Beans  Offline
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Posts: 11,646
@#$ing edit...

: )

Clarify:

I disagree with Sad_but_Happy.

Not Angel.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2113672
12/13/10 10:57 PM
12/13/10 10:57 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 430
Illinois
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Sad_but_happy Offline
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Sad_but_happy  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 430
Illinois
And I respect your opinion JTB.

Can I ask, was your W involved in an A while living in the home you share?

If so, how long did the A last?


M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14
EA - July 2010
NC w/EA - Nov 2010
Piecing - Jan 2011
I ask for div - Jan 2012
Div papers filed - Mar 2012
I move out - July 2012
Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: Sad_but_happy] #2113678
12/13/10 11:35 PM
12/13/10 11:35 PM
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Posts: 11,646
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Jack_Three_Beans Offline
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Jack_Three_Beans  Offline
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Posts: 11,646
Yes she did.

And it lasted, for about a year. PA
EA? Months before the PA and several months after the PA.

[censored] to say, it is a relationship and like any of them must die on its own.

She lived at home for about 4 months, then lived at her friends on and off, mostly on at first. But after about 6 months, I kicked her out completely.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2113684
12/13/10 11:47 PM
12/13/10 11:47 PM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 430
Illinois
S
Sad_but_happy Offline
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Sad_but_happy  Offline
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S
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 430
Illinois
And at why point did she return? Did OM get tired of her or she of him? What made her return to you? Love, desperation, fear?


M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14
EA - July 2010
NC w/EA - Nov 2010
Piecing - Jan 2011
I ask for div - Jan 2012
Div papers filed - Mar 2012
I move out - July 2012
Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: Sad_but_happy] #2113689
12/14/10 12:01 AM
12/14/10 12:01 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 11,646
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Jack_Three_Beans Offline
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Jack_Three_Beans  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 11,646
My name to the left of this post click on it.
View posts
Sort by topics created.

Its in there somewhere.

I'd stick with the topics created, as opposed to sorting though 9K plus piles of smiley faces.



Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis

Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans

Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK

TRUST THE PROCESS - Cadet

Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: Jack_Three_Beans] #2113697
12/14/10 12:33 AM
12/14/10 12:33 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 10,805
sgctxok Offline
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sgctxok  Offline
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Posts: 10,805
The problem is--we ignore the spouse's point of view. We only see one side.

My example/my own life:

Quote:
I want to say something here about suspecting an affair.

If you're an oldtimer and you know me, you know I was divorced long before this board because of an abusive situation and I came to the board for a different relationship.

If you heard this version from my exH you would hear a completely different story. He thinks I had an affair. Sometimes he thinks it was an MLC. Neither are true. He treated me poorly. And at any point in the first couple of years along the way, I would have given him a chance because of my beliefs, and my past love for him.

That said, the later relationship that brought me to the board...and to my knees...so to speak...was the revelations that ensued of my own failings in the relationship and lead me to retrospection of my part in my former marriage.

I want to give yo uthe other side of that. ASSuming I was having an affair (and from my experience 16 years later on the board, I think his buddies and perhaps his family suggested that--but it was FALSE at the time), actually lead him to not take care of the issue, and to blame it on me.

Of course, this lead to the divorce and my finding another relationship. His 'AS IF' attitude created his fear, and delayed me from dealing with my own faults.

Envisioning another scenario: if he had admitted his faults, treated me well; my own shadow would have appeared and I would have had to change my own faults earlier on in that marriage. My first marriage MIGHT have had a chance.


sg
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: sgctxok] #2113732
12/14/10 04:11 AM
12/14/10 04:11 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,468
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newmama Offline
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newmama  Offline
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so jealous of the Mods' ability to edit!!! Why can't we edit anymore? Won't that help people write "nicer" posts? smile

Also--I guess my heart is too sensitive because I couldn't bring myself to fully be friends with exH. In order to do that, it would mean listening and hearing of his relationship with OW. The betrayal is so deep that I couldn't do it.

BUT if people want to try, go for it. But if it brings you too much stress, depression and anxiety and makes your quality of life miserable...it isn't for you.


me,34
exH,34
S,16 months
S:3/31/09-left for OW
started DBing 10/09
d final: sometime 10/10
current:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1
met in 2004

Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: newmama] #2113739
12/14/10 05:04 AM
12/14/10 05:04 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 240
M
mrbt Offline
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mrbt  Offline
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M
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 240
I am facing a similar situation. My wife tells me I am her best friend yet she wants divorce. We have been in limbo for a year and a half now - just moved away 6 days ago. I am struggling with the friendship question. We been together for 25 years. I cannot imagine not being her friend but at the same do not think will be possible or healthy post divorce.


Me: 45 WAW: 45 | M22 | T25 | No Kids
Nov 09 W Filed | Dec 09 Separation
Mar 17 2010 Divorce Papers Signed | Divorce Hearing Cancelled
Moved back home May 2010
PA Confirmed June 2010 | W left Dec 7 2010
Re: (NA) Re: Friendship option and other Hot topics [Re: mrbt] #2113745
12/14/10 05:41 AM
12/14/10 05:41 AM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
T
TimeHeals Offline
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TimeHeals  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 2,694
Quote:
I cannot imagine not being her friend but at the same do not think will be possible or healthy post divorce.


According to your signature, you've been divorce since March, and that's what? 9 months?

Be honest. You haven't let go even after divorce. You're still holding on.


M-47,W-40,No kids
D-filed 5/27/2010
Piecing - 10/21/2010
-=Soon to be banned=-
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