I'm Mystik, 32. H is 34. DS is 6 and a half. We have been living apart for two years. H is living with his mistress, aka OW or Whore, and they now have a baby, aka It or Bastard Child. OW also has another child, Whore's Brat.
However, H never bothered to finish filing the separation papers so we are not even legally separated yet let alone divorced. Not a pleasant situation for me at all.
I'm pretty much an open book so any questions, just ask. I’m sticking with newcomers because despite being here a year, I’m no further along in the process and I’m not really sure what other forum I would fit into. Is it an affair when he left me before he moved in with OW? We’re not at the divorcing point yet, he has to save up the money to file.
I am currently in an intensive outpatient program to learn coping skills for my diagnoses of severe clinical depression, situational depression and dysthymia. The only people who know I am in this program are you guys and gals here on the boards and my sister. I have not told anyone else, it feels embarassing to me that my H leaving me sent me into such a deep depression I need medical intervention. Women are left behind every day and they don't need medical invervention, but apparently I'm not as strong as them.
Something I'm really struggling with is acceptnce of the situation. I know that accepting and approving are two different things, but my emotional mind has them connected so to accept means I approve, and to drop the rope means I am giving up all hope of H ever returning.
I filed papers in November to get the money H owes me for car insurance, daycare and out of pocket medical expenses in the sum or $1,600 awarded to me. I also requested to change the visitation schedule to what we currently have in place instead of what was in place two years ago, and to also have the daycare included with child support so I would pay the daycare on behalf of H since he is very lax about paying them on time. Got the papers last Thursday, that same day H called to say he wanted to take care of the matter of how much he owes me and could I please provide receipts since there is a disagreement on how much he owes me. He claims it is much lower than I have calculated, and I did use my bank statements and receipts from the doctors/insurance agent/daycare to compute the balance due.
So that's pretty much where I'm at. In therapy, a nervous mess about the court date and still hoping H wakes up from his fog and returns to me.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Please don't be embarrased Mystik. You were strong enough to recognize that you had a medical issue and you sought help. A lot of people don't - or can't - do that. Clinical depression is not just an attitude thing, it's a biology thing. There is NOTHING wrong with you that you are depressed.
H called a bit ago to talk to DS. Why, I don't know, when he's going to be seeing DS tomorrow. But anway DS put him on speakerphone because we were playing Wii and I heard Bastard Child crying and H trying to soothe it. I felt my heart break a bit more. I'm going to tell DS no more speakerphone, I'll make some BS excuse for it but I can't handle it.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
I know this is totally selfish and illogical but I'm almost glad that DS only goes with H twice a week. That means he won't be around It as much and will have less time to bond with It. It is half-brother so I don't feel a need to encourage brotherly love or anything.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
None of us want our kids to bond to OW or her kids or even half siblings! So no worries.
But a half sibling is still a sibling--my sisters are my "half" sisters and I never ever ever think of them that way! I totally know your S' situation am not comparing or antyhign, just warning you that he may express love and interest in his brother, so you might want to prepare for that. In your therapy of course. I have no clue what to advise on that one!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I only have one full-blood sibling out of the four and, like you, I don't even consider them to be half-silings. So I feel almost like a hypocrite putting emphasis on the "half" part with DS and It. But I can't accept It right now, it's too hard and means acknowledging just how deeply H betrayed me. DS is well aware that any talk of what goes on at his father's or anything regarding his father is to not be brought home, so that has saved me some pain I am sure.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
Today was a bit of a better day. Got in to talk to my therapist, I always feel better after talking to someone even if I don'tget any answers from it. Teared up when I saw H tonight, but DS distracted me pretty quickly so I didn't actually cry.
My therapist told me to do something for myself tonight so I went and saw the new Harry Potter movie. Was a good movie, can't wait for the second half to see how it all turns out.
New thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2112303
