That's a tough one. I had a hard time with this, too. It seems that being suddenly single makes you hyper aware of the couples everywhere. I even hated listening to people at work discussing their spouses and plans.
I will tell you that time helps. As you adjust to your sitch, it gets easier.
Keep doing what you're doing. Keep connecting with family and friends. Start doing those things that you were interested in and never had time for before. This time is for you to rediscover who YOU are. Continue to strive to be the best Fell you can be, and make sure you are doing it for you. In doing so you make yourself the better option.
Keep your expectations at zero. Remember this doesn't mean you can't have hope. Detaching helps tremendously. The sooner you can do this and love your W from a distance, the better you will feel.
From what you write it sounds like you've at least hit the ground jogging. There will be bumps along the way, but the more you make this journey about you the smoother the path will become. You're on the right track!
Fell, I made many of the same mistakes early on as well. It's natural to make those expressions of love all at once. But she's been working these thoughts over for a long time.
The quotes you posted could have come from my W before she left. It took me a long time to understand that it really isn't her talking, it's the panic or whatever which has taken hold of her. And much of what she says can't be fixed by you either, so don't put alot of effort in checking off items from the dysfunctional "honey-do" list.
The one piece of advice I can offer is to saddle up for what could be a long ride. I'm getting ready to do Christmas number two without my W and she still hasn't filed. But she hasn't given up OM either.
The 180s are for you, I've learned. She'll see the changes only when she's capable of it.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
I think you're viewing this in the wrong light. Obviously this guy is an awesome friend and his W sounds nice. I just think you must be wrong about:
Quote:
I am afraid she now thinks I left because she came home.
This is a man who knows what you are going through and has probably shared that with his W. If it's really bugging you just tell him what happened.
It is excruciating to be around people in love when you are in pain. I try not to become a recluse (not good DBing and not good for me) and I also don't like to avoid people just because they aren't as miserable as I am. I suggest:
1. Hang around people who are happy and let their joy be contagious. 2. Smile when you don't want to. 3. If you get bummed around them again, excuse yourself to the bathroom and then give yourself a pep talk. 4. If none of the above works, just be honest. These are friends, and I'd bet money they'll understand.
Focus on the good things from the day!
You had a good time with your buddy. You showed him you appreciate what he is doing for you. You stepped outside of what is going on with you and did something for someone else.
Those are good things! Pat yourself on the back!
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
