Well you too the time to stop by my thread to lock it, and to tell me to go help Newbies, but didn't want to bother answering my question. How is it that you can expect me to help them if you won't bother telling me what part of the TOS I violated to prompt you to edit me? Why would I want to try and help if I am going to just have you change anything I may post? If that's the case then you should be the only one bothering to reply to people. Or do I just need to ask everyone if the have read DR or set up a coaching session?
thank you. this answers some questions i had become frustrated about posting here. i'm open to a variety of opinions becuase not all circustances are one size fits all. i spent a couple hours reading here last night while waiting for my posts to show up. i was in tears the whole time and second guessing if i was in the right place for my problems.
True, I understand what you are saying. However, what advice can I give when anything I say may be changed, deleted, or just get me banned. The only thing that seems to be allowed these days is coddling, asking people if they have read DR/DB, or if they are doing coaching. You can not even recommend any reading material to anyone that is not written by MWD. I understand that this site is for profit, but it is also to help people. While MWD theory of DB'ing is good, it is not always a one size fits all. There are many cases, proven on here, but most have been deleted, where exposure has been very effective. But if I recommend that someone expose a wayward spouse, I will most likely be immediately banned. Most everyone who has spent any amount of time on these boards would tell you that Puppy Dog Tails, Allen_A, Coach, Greek, DanF, Gucci, just to name a few, offered amazing advice, but none are to be found on these boards any longer.
That word, "coddling" has been thrown around a lot lately, hasn't it? In my opinion, it has been over-used to the point that some DBers are basically being accused of being doormats when really they are just working to find some compassion in their lives.
While I do not doubt that the people you mentioned have given great advice, I can say that I have thrived without having ever had any of them directly help me. There are so many others here that have been overlooked because of the uproar over the bannings. They are still here and still giving great advice, and I am sad that this site is being portrayed as a ghost town where there is no advice to be had.
I find it funny that exposure is being touted as the be all, end all lately. It was argued to me that it is the ONLY thing that will work in dealing with infidelity. Bring it out in the open, and the affair will die....yeah, I have read all about it. Thing is, in the threads I was following, exposure had NOT worked. The affair was still going strong, and in many cases the LBS was feeling more lonely than ever, because they felt betrayed by people that did not want to get involved. The infidelity board had many cases of people who had exposed yet were still dealing with an affair.
Point is, you are right, not one size fits all. This particular site does not encompass every theory, it was designed purposely to promote DBing. Why are people so angry about that? It is like going to a shoe store to buy a blender and being angry that there are not blenders to be found.
Anyway, I agree with True. Instead of bemoaning the rules, can't we just follow them and get back to helping people? The banned people made their choices. I am sure that they are missed by some, but this site did survive before them and it will continue to survive long after. No one is irreplacable.
And for the record, not once have I asked anyone if they have read DB/DR, nor have I recommended coaching, yet nothing I have written has ever been changed, edited, or deleted. The site is tolerant of materials that are in agreement with DBing, much like, in the earlier example, shoe stores do carry laces, socks, etc.
It is all very simple really.
Some people will not find what they are looking for here. It is to be expected. What is not expected is that they will just not move on. The bitterness and the dividing of camps is not helpful, and I for one am very thankful that something is being done to make it stop.
