when was script is not script

[Jstar]

i said to him this morning that d3 was afraid to ask him to go with us to the zoo. he told her he didn't know. i had to interject, that is leading her on, either you go or you don't.

he puts it off on her, well what time are you going d3, we will see he says, she says to him, i'm sad, he walked away. i said h did you not hear what she said, he said no, i told him, d3 said you hurt her.

i've had this problem all along, d3 wants him in our house, she wants him in our car, she wants him to go where we go.

i need advice on that.

i guess i'm going to call and leave a msg that we will be going he can either go or not. i just feel for her since she has to deal with so much disappointment.

[ScaredinCanada]

The only thing I ever feel good about is that I'm not alone. There are lots of people going through a similar sitch (which helps me cope). I also can't deny that the fact that we still live in the same house and have maintained the same shared responsibilities has made me feel optimistic.

I don't have any money to spend on myself - everything goes into house, car, kids, and bills. I've been trying to save some money so I can buy some new clothes in the New Year which will give me some more confidence and maybe just another way to show the W that I'm changing.

The gym has been a huge life-saver for me. I'm lucky I got at lunch while I'm at work, and because it's at a friends place it's free. I try to go 3-4 times a week, and it's paying off because it gets my mind of things, and I've lost 13 pounds since April so again it's helping with my self-confidence. That's another reason why I need new clothes, because most don't fit very well anymore.

I feel like every chance my W gets to make a dig at me she goes for it.

Big difference in our sitch's, as my W would never walk from her kids, but at the same time neither will I. I have re-dedicated myself to them and it's so rewarding.

Your work schedule is the exact same as mine. I feel like all I do is get up at 5, goto work all day and then come home help or make dinner, clean up, get the kids ready for bed, make lunches and goto bed. It's a tough and tiring life, I'm wondering how my W things that leaving or pushing me away is somehow going to be a big improvement. At least in your case it sounds like it's only a matter of time and your H will comeback because he needs you - and hopefully his kids.

Good luck, I'm sure you can do it. I'll be reading along, and will offer support or help if I can.

[Jstar]

Well it does feel somewhat better that someone else is as dedicated to their children as you are. I wonder what your wife thinks it's going to be like if you were divorced.

i have no complaint with or about my children, i love them so much and i appreciate them each and every day,. that is something i do not think my h realizes.

here's an example, he had teh whole day off today and he chose to do other stuff then be with his kids. he was invited to go with us to the zoo. he showed up for about an hour and left. left with d3 in tears so sad and upset he left. it's like something is always so much more important then them, i can not stand it.
while we just me and the kids were walking around the zoo, it was odd. since i have been with h i have been living out of the way i grew up, as in social and economic, instead of him lifting himself up i allowed myself to be drug down to something lower.

i have not socialized with people of my own economic upbrining and family values for a very long time. it felt wierd. there were nothing around us but families, real families that enjoy each others companies just looking at animals. kids throwing real fits with parenting going on.

what i have seen and been around for a some time has been the walk away fathers in prison, girls having more kids to ensure they still qualify for state assistance.

i love my h, i'm attracted to him, but our values are so different, i wouldnt even know where to begin to come to some common ground if the situation was broached. in the long run is it best for my children to know they have their father but eventually iwill meet someone and be in a relationship who needs to be in mine and my kids lives and does not view them as anything less then what they were intended.

i know that my h will drop out of the picture entirely in a matter of 1-3 years.
be back in few

[Jstar]

update: supposedly h did not work on monday, he picked kids up at work in am, brought d3 back for school. i asked him to bring s9months so i could feed him, i forgot my bpump.

h stayed and ate with d and s in my classroom, we pretty much had NO conversation what so ever. i made a comment about s being in pjs again, so i gave h 2 scenarios, to allow him to choose how he would have me speak to him about this: i chose 1 of how i usualy say it, firm, cold and then one in sweet voice, all flirty, he smiled and blushed when i did that.

he was late yet again to drop kids off, and started to get pissy on the phone trying to explain why he was late, i tried to explain to him that it puts me and kids back an hour, with dinner bedtime, etc, that it was unfair to do that to us etc. etc.so he brought the kids home, not without some drama, his i'll give you 5 minutes to answer where you are so i can drop kids off or i'm leaving and taking kids to his moms house. he was making comments about me having a boyfriend.

finally after the exchange,i thought about what he said, i texted him, that i could see through all his comments about me having a boyfriend, him saying see that's why i don't want to be married to you were signs of doubt on his part and that he realized i'm attractive to other men, i'm not waiting around for him. in some of his digs to me, he says, i was kicked out, i said you left your family, i said you had the option of returning, he said i chose to leave because i don't like you. all so childish. there has never been a moment where he has said any comments of his feelings or lack of feelings, only when he is angry

since i did get a smile out of him when i was sweet and flirty i will try it again to see how he responds. he will probably have a mind meltdown, why is she being so nice.....

[Jstar]

i need some ideas to get this ball rolling. anyone any suggestions.....

[Jstar]

this week we have had some civil dealings. he still comes in my classroom so d3 can say hi to me before she leaves school for the day. one day he even brought me lunch, in the past we had a convo about that, how it's not right but he did it again.

my coworkers are scratching their heads.

when he was saying bye to the kids he tapped me on my shoulder,..

What was that?


he has given me his schedule so i asked him when he's not working will he watch the kids. he was um yeah give me an adavance notice.

so i asked him to watch kids this saturday night, at my house, I got a long silence and he hung up quickly so i reverted to texting in which he responded. he declined to watch them int heir home but said he'd give me $60 bucks to pay a sitter???

[Jstar]

we have had a few times where we smiled at one another, said jokes and goofily laughed. we have not had any yelling at one another, so i think that is progress.

i think i should just keep things like this for another week, then go dark over the holidays, i'm off for 2 weeks.

he's not much of a planner and so him asking about the holidays probably won't happen. ive taken this attitude, he wants out it is he that will have to modify is schedule, his beliefs everything, me and my children are a family with or without them.