WAW.. wow #2

[konfuseeed]

You will get a lot of back-and-forth, and that is even after she APPEARS to be serious about reconciling.

Yup.

[Pensacolabroken]

Kon and Kimmie,

Yep.

Last night she came home from TKD and I was a little raw. She wanted to know what was wrong and I asked her of course if OM was there.. she said no. if he was there I would have left. She said it should not have to be said. I told her it DOES have to be said and that she should tell me instead of me having to ask, at least for a while until I probably wont ask anymore. She got angry and said she was making compromises and doing everything I asked and that was not good enough.. I stopped her and said TKD is taking a huge block of time and obviously it is more important to you than our marriage. She said it is not, it is something she enjoys and she only goes 2 times a week and WILL not go when he is there and will leave if he shows up.

I told her she is denial about the effect of TKD on our marriage and that I am damned if I do and I damned if I dont. She will resent me and call me controlling if she stops going and I will continue to see her priority is TKD while she knows how I feel about it. I told her I would never place anything, activity, or hobby, above my marriage.. and I would stop it if the other person had a problem with it, her response? I am manipulating her to quit TKD..

I have not given her the ultimatum to quit.. and I have pushed it as far as I can. She said that I never supported it and never liked her going, I told her that was not true, that I AM jealous of the time it takes away from us, but I have supported it.

I told her I dont want to be 1 or 5 years down the road and have TKD with this much influence on our M.

She told me TKD is not about the OM.. they are seperate, and I told her to make no mistake, if there is contact with her and OM the Marriage is over and the likely place for that contact would occur at TKD.. and that is very dangerous..

[Pensacolabroken]

There is currently NC with her and OM.

[Starsky309]

There is currently NC with her and OM.

If that's the case, Pcola, then I'm sorry, I agree with your wife. Two times a week is not "placing TKD ahead of your marriage."

You do seem to me to be trying to controlling her.

Starsky

[ShockedOne]

There is currently NC with her and OM.

How do you know? How does she know he's not there?

[Pensacolabroken]

Starsky,

thanks for your opinion. I need to hear both sides.. I dont want to control her.. I want to trust her.

Shocked, the studio is small. If he was there, she would know..

[Kimmie Lee]

I think shockedOne means how would she know if he WAS going to be there or not until she gets there?

I think it is inappropriate for her to go someplace where there is always a good chance that he may be there.

If her M was so important, she would remove every situation that might result in "running into" OM. TKD is not more special than any other location to be avoided in these cases.

[Kimmie Lee]

Would any of you LBS want your WAS attending the same church, two or three times a week where OP might be??

Didn't think so!

[PMA_Baby!]

I agree. She had an EA possibly PA. Trust has been damaged. She needs to do whatever it takes to rebuild that trust. period.

[gutwrenching]

Pen -
Could you be misplacing the real issue because your brain associates TKD with the A? Is it really unhealthy for a R where one member has an exercise activity they do a few times a week?

Maybe this is just the fact that TKD is a constant reminder to you of the pain/hurt of the EA.

Maybe talk to your W about that instead of getting angry, making statements like you choose it over M...maybe give your W some options of things that will ease your anxiety and allow her to pursue her interests...