It's been a week since I told W I was staying in the house; things have been brutally cold, W is a good db'er. I've tried to give her space while GAL and taking care of our Ds. It's been hard. She rarely talks, isn't wearing her rings, doesn't look at me except when she wants to glare at me. I'm smiling, keeping a PMA, and trying my best not to crowd her. After the girls go to bed, I either work out at the Y, watch a show, or get some writing done on my novel. Last night I went out for swing dance lessons, which were really fun though I'm horrible.
Yesterday W was upset because I had told D8 that I wanted to take them to an equestrian show on Sat. My W assumed that she wasn't invited; I had talked to D8 first, before I had a chance to talk to W. So she was upset all night about it. I didn't argue with her, just said that she was invited, it was a family event. She didn't say much that I could validate/agree with. When I came home from dance lessons, she was in bed, having fallen asleep reading a book. I put her book away, and could tell she was pretending to be asleep.
I said "Can I talk to you?" and she said "Leave me alone." I said "I just wanted to say, you're absolutely right. I should have talked to you about the equestrian show before talking to D9 about it." She just rolled over and went to sleep.
Later that night, D8 woke up with a nightmare. W got out of bed before I did, and when I went to see what was happening, she snapped at me when explaining the nightmare, and then just glared at me. When she came back to bed, I said "Don't be rude to me like that, I was just worried about D8."
This morning, she called me for the first time in a week on my cell. She apologized for being rude to me last night. Said that she's been very angry and hurt; all the hurt from the last decade has come right back. That she's raw, and seeing me singing and happy hurts her more.
I said "I'm sorry that you're hurting so much. What can I do to help?"
She said, "You won't do what I need you to do" (meaning move out).
Then she said "I thought I was protected enough to not have my heart broken again, but I was wrong." She was at work, and couldn't talk any longer.
She sounds bitter that you are moving on without her. And she is placing all the blame for her unhappiness on your actions, not her own choices. She needs to move past that in order to heal.
Me: 36 H: 36 S9 (from my previous marriage) D2 Bomb-date: 4/7/10 10/10 Giving it six months to see what happens
This morning, she called me for the first time in a week on my cell. She apologized for being rude to me last night. Said that she's been very angry and hurt; all the hurt from the last decade has come right back. That she's raw, and seeing me singing and happy hurts her more.
I said "I'm sorry that you're hurting so much. What can I do to help?"
She said, "You won't do what I need you to do" (meaning move out).
Then she said "I thought I was protected enough to not have my heart broken again, but I was wrong." She was at work, and couldn't talk any longer.
Oh, please. That is such BS, Pin and you know it. She wants out so bad, why doesn't she leave? She is the one who's told you in the past that she can't love you/only stays w/ you for the kids and if she stays w/ you it will only be because of the kids...
I know. This is just her trying to pressure me into moving out. I was soooo close to caving in and starting an R talk last night, and I'm glad I didn't. And the "decade of hurt" was a nice touch from her.
I'm really sympathetic to her pain. I wish she was happy. The fact that she got so mad about me singing in the shower has me floored.
But if anything, this reinforces to me that it was the right decision to stay in my home. I wish I had never broached the idea of me leaving since it made me appear weak and indecisive, but that's the past.
