How do you move on...when do you just give up?

[marie2235]

Well, I did it. I filed. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. So much of me wants to fight for this marriage - and I am not sure why. Maybe becuase he is all I know, having been wtih him since I was 17. Maybe I don't want to give up all the hopes and dreams and plans we had.

Maybe, in the back of my mind, I think, this will wake him up, stop cheating and lying. But, he is the one, who has been saying for almost a year, that he wants a divorce and the only reason he hasn't left is becuase he can't afford to.

I have been having a lot more sad days lately than mad days.

HOW do you stop doing this to yourself? How do you give up - really give up and move on? Is there really happiness after? Or will you always think, what if, what could have been...

I still love him - maybe not the person he is now, but the one I married. I guess I am still in part denail that this is actually happening.

So.. he is supossed to get served next week - he doesn't know. He actually checks my cell phone bill to see who I call - he did see I called a lawyer - and I am not going to lie like him, so I told him, yes I saw a laywer and I was going to file. I don't think he actually thinks I will do it.

The other thing is - is it workth staying with a man who has betrayed you over and over and says he doesn't love or care about you for health insurance? I work full time now, but my employer has horrible insurance and I need good insurance.

Sometimes I think I'm carzy for doing this - i need to be healthy for my children and my company has a huge deductable for thier insurance - like 3000.00.

I don't know if I made a mistake, or how to move on. All I know is I would like to be happy and be wtih someone who wants to be with me and love me. Who won't lie, cheat and betray me.

Did I do the right thing?

After all this time, he is still lying - saying he isn't cheating. It's crazy. He is making me think I am wrong, when I have all the proof in the world I am right.

Help!

Thanks!

[AntoniaB]

I think if you're at the point where you have the evidence and you're asking if you did the right thing, that means that in your heart you did do what you wanted to do, and from now on, you live with that. In the end, it has to be about what you can live with, and there must be some part of you that felt it was right to file or you would not have. If you did this after a lot of thought, don't second guess yourself. It is what it is and you must have had a reason to do it. As far as I'm concerned, filing doesn't mean you are throwing in the towel. It means that you are not willing to let things go on the way they were. I am sure others may disagree, but that's just my opinion, for what it is worth :-)

[AntoniaB]

PS this is all about saving YOU now more than saving the marriage. You cannot save the marriage unilaterally with saving yourself first.