Youre right, he will always be in my heart. No matter how broken and toxic he is right now, I will always love him and the good memories we share and that will never change.
I have thought about different stuff lately. Someone asked me the other day what I would say to him if he wanted to come back. Well, I thought about it and I would tell him ~ Sure, if you want to come home and get rid of your cell phone and fb account and have all your emails open and read by me, have no privacy, let me know where you are every minute of the day and who you have every phone convo with...sure, if you think you can handle living like that, come on back...but no wait, I DONT WANT TO LIVE Like that so I would have to just say no then.
I spoke with a friend today whose daughter told her that years ago she said she felt sorry for me being married to him that he was nothing but a woman chaser and would cheat on me that she would never want to go out with him (he was after her too). I guess it just took me finally seeing what he is instead of giving him the benefit of doubt. My H has a deep issue with women and himself. He did tell me that he was open with his therapist the other day when he went. I asked did he tell her everything and he said yes....Im hoping he did and that she will help him...if he wants the help.
Still having a great day!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I have to say also that my H has been alot nicer to me since i threw him out...maybe I have earned back a little respect from him finally standing up for myself
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
I have to say also that my H has been alot nicer to me since i threw him out...maybe I have earned back a little respect from him finally standing up for myself
As long as you respect yourself, it really doesn't matter why he is nicer.
Well thank you IMP...so nice to hear from you...its been a while Hope you are doing good!!! Miss your posts to me!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Soooo, last night I took my kids to a fall festival at a church in the area. Told my H about it of course because the kids had mentioned it to him.
Then after that I went out with my girlfriends to see a movie...well, i mentioned on fb that I was going out for some fun...
While I was in the movie I got 19 texts from my H wanting to know what i was doing for "fun" and then the rest were basically all about him being drunk and why was I being stuck up and not talking to him...just alot of drunk talk. I only answered the first 2 I got, they were the only ones worth answering...I ignored him the rest of the night. Funny, he didnt think to ask what I had done with the kids for the night...
anyway, today I havent heard from him at all. Maybe he went back and read all those stupid texts and now thinks how stupid HE was.
Ugh, this is really unattractive behaviour. Kinda hoping I dont run into him today...he said that he would be coming to get the rest of his things this afternoon...
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Hi Kissak...you sound strong...I think that getting your self respect back gave you lots of new strength. You have done more to save this marriage then most, you have done everything you could...time to reclaim yourself.
I will second what Eric had said "You go girl"!
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I am feeling great. I almost feel guilty about feeling so great about him not being there. I did have a low moment on Saturday night, but quickly got out of the house and went to my parents just to get out and let the moment pass.
He is having some moments as well. Sometimes Im not sure how to handle them. A few times I have gotten a text out of the blue, for no reason and they are not making sense. Like yesterday I got a text that said "i see, i see". Ok, so I said "ok, what do you see". What I got in return was "idk, just what was on my mind". I just decided to play stupid as well and said "oh, you have a mind with stuff in it??? lol" He said "idk" then he said "maybe I have lots on it"..I just replyed "i dunno". Guess he got the point that I didnt want to discuss his mind..and he said "nevermind".
Weird. Can I expect any different though?? lol
Im good, I just try not to let thoughts of him take over me. I quickly focus on something else.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Did you finish Co-dependant No More? Remember that you don't have to engage in every weird text convo he tries to start. Try to be the one who ends the convo or leaves him hanging every once in a while.
Good for you for getting out Saturday night. Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thanks PEI...I did finish the book, but I want to go back and read it again. I do try to handle the text conversations differently now...before I would have continued on after he said nevermind and try to get it out of him, like im sure he wanted me to do.
Still working on it...Its weird, I have seen him several times over the last week and I really feel nothing when I see him. I dont want him to stick around or give him a hug to make me feel better, I just want him to leave as quickly as he can.
I still fight with the thoughts of him being with Other women. I try to just remind myself of how he will treat her the same way...that he will not be faithful to anyone, that he will be someone elses problem...that kinda keeps me sane for now
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
