Something Good This Way Comes...

[BobbiJo]

Very weird...although actually probably predictable.

Got a random message at 4:15 today...saw it was from Dan and made my stomach sink. Grr. It just said, "We need to have a serious talk soon about sending the kids to (Catholic School)".

I ignored it. I have primary custody, and I am not driving my kids 35 minutes every morning to a school up in the Omaha metro (it's on the Iowa side). Every time a local election does not go well, he rants about transferring the kids. This time our local referendum/bond issue to build an outdoor swimming pool failed...I agree it sucks but I am not leaving the town over it!

So then 15 minutes later he tried again, "What do you and the kids have planned for dinner?"

Really? BC after last night, I would be eager to have dinner with you?? After 15 min I replied "leftovers" because continuing to ignore would lead to more spew and I don't need it.

So he replied back, offering to do dinner. "I will buy pizza, if you are up for it. Or anything else. Just would like to see them since I didn't get to last night"

Then a minute later he added a couple more messages that he is disgusted w/our town after the vote, said it is going to become a home for the elderly and white trash...

I was busy trying on coats for Nathan so I didn't reply right away. Was going to let him have the kids since I have night class, besides I would not want to go...

Well he got pissy bc I didn't reply I guess (as I said, anger issues). And texted, "Or forget it, I guess I will see them Sunday." Such a child.

I replied back, "Relax. You can see the kids." I said kids bc I knew I didn't want to join them. He replied back asking if they would want pizza, had they had it lately, etc. I just gave Nathan the phone to call his dad.

So Nathan got on the phone and said yes to pizza, then Sydney started whining bc she wanted Mexican, and Nathan said Dan wanted to talk to me.

I got on and he said, "They refuse to agree, I guess I should have made a decision and not left it up to them." I said, "Yeah, I have had the same problem." Then he said just forget it since they could not agree. I said "Really? So they don't get to see you because they could not agree?" He says well that's crap or something and I said, OK bye. And hung up.

The kids started bawling bc they wanted to see him, so Sydney tried calling and he was texting me at the same time. In the end he decided to go to the Mexican place after all. I dropped the kids off and told him I was going home. Ugh. Seriously he can turn the simplest thing into drama fest. And I wound up 18 minutes late to class bc he was slow to get to the restaurant...

[Kimmie Lee]

BBJ, you should have ignored him. Now the kids are upset for no reason other than dan's sick, controlling behavior.

And you seem to play into his hands every time.

I know I'm being blunt, and most of us here aren't, because we like you so much.

But, you need to blot him out of your life now. He sees the kids when it's his turn, and that's it.

[BobbiJo]

Well thought it was progress that I only let him see them and not me...guess not.

[Kimmie Lee]

You need to slam the door, once and for all, in his face.

HARD.

[TimeHeals]

Then he said just forget it since they could not agree. I said "Really? So they don't get to see you because they could not agree?"

You see, this is where you and I are different critters at the moment.

In my mind, such an exchange goes like this:


Then she said just forget it since they could not agree. I said "Sounds like a plan. Well, I gotta run".

>>> Key difference. Do you see how you stepped in to try to rescue him from his own behavior?

[BobbiJo]

I DO see, TH. And I do that a lot. I think I try too hard to spare the kids from seeing his mean/angry/jerk side.

[TimeHeals]

Well, that's something you can work on then: letting him make his own bad decissions (or good ones). He's a grown up, so don't try to manage him

It's OK to walk away when he's behaving badly, it's OK to let him screw up (he seems to want that very badly, so let him do it).

[john210]

<<Well thought it was progress that I only let him see them and not me...guess not.>>

I don't know..... I keep reading this over and over and I don't know what to think......

Are you saying that you would have liked to have Mexican with Dan and the kids in spite of the fact that he told you less than 24hrs. ago that you are the reason he does not trust women (or something like that)???

I think you did well BBJ...very well. You can't expect to change your ways overnight. I agree with most folks here but at the end of the day it is your life BBJ. Being nice to people who respect you and are nice to you as well in spite of the hurt they may have caused you in the past is the Christian thing to do. You know turn the other cheek...do unto others...etc etc. From what I have read here these last 3 years I don't think Dan has been or is very nice and forget about respect.

[BobbiJo]

NO John, I did not want to have dinner with him. That's why I did not tell him I had night class, just told him he could see the kids, period. Didn't want him to think I would have been there if not for class...

[Purple]

So BBJ why didn't you say to him.

"no Dan, I don't want to have dinner with you. If you want to see the kids we can organise for you to spend time with them, but I do not want to spend time with you."

Now, if only I can take my own advice. My 'problem' is that my h is not being disrespectful, just ignorant, and that's my own fault because I'm too scared to tell him what I really want. I'm scared of nasty reaction, guilt trips, upsetting my daughter etc etc.