Well, she's been through a lot too for the past few years. I'm not so sure she was bringing me down, rather she was growing tired of things not getting better. I can see that now. It has been a downer (to say the least) for me for the past year. I do agree that I don't feel that I received the support from her that I gave to her. I also agree that I wish she would help more with the house but she doesn't so I can either continue to let that bother me or not. I choose not to let it bother me anymore. Absolutely agree that she has done nothing to help me work through some sort of closure.
Quote:
From Michele--Keeping Love Alive:
1)Stop Cause-Hunting Finding out who's to blame will get you nowhere. Stop thinking about why you're stuck. Focus on what you can do to change things for the better. Start Today! Stop Analyzing things to Death.
This is from another thread and I think it says it all if you still want to try to work on things. At some point BOTH people need to let go of the pain and negativity of the past. I have and she would need to if there is to ever be any progress with us. She's not there.
I don't want to play the blame game with her...it's unhealthy, serves no purpose. I still love this woman and would like a future together. If not now then perhaps down the road.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Coach and others, I've been thinking more about my response to W. Was thinking of thanking her for letting me know and tell her that I understand this must have been a difficult thing for her to tell me. Tell her I know there was no easy way for her to tell me this and I appreciate her letting me know first. Then conclude by saying that either way she wants to send me the papers is fine.
Or...just go with saying that "Either way is fine."
Thoughts?
Under a very trying time I could use this as an opportunity to validate and show love and compassion. Does this make me too weak to her or does it relieve some stress from her? I seriously think it would be a shock to her if I responded to her as outlined above. I'm sure she's expecting me to be angry or plead again. Do something different?
Thanks!
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Coach and others, I've been thinking more about my response to W. Was thinking of thanking her for letting me know and tell her that I understand this must have been a difficult thing for her to tell me. Tell her I know there was no easy way for her to tell me this and I appreciate her letting me know first. Then conclude by saying that either way she wants to send me the papers is fine.
Or...just go with saying that "Either way is fine."
Thoughts?
Under a very trying time I could use this as an opportunity to validate and show love and compassion. Does this make me too weak to her or does it relieve some stress from her? I seriously think it would be a shock to her if I responded to her as outlined above. I'm sure she's expecting me to be angry or plead again. Do something different?
Just reply with where you want to get the papers or say what Starsk suggested. Be polite and to the point.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I've noticed a lot of posts from LBH's that use the excuse of "thanking" the WAW for something. That is why it's good to run it by the board when in doubt, b/c your heart has been through a lot and it's hard to see things like another person can.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with good manners, but the W is pretty sharp and she'll spot an excuse at contact very quickly. So, I'd say whenever you are thinking of thanking her about something......ask yourself if you really just want a reason to contact her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, so good to hear from you again. Just to be clear I definitely wasn't looking for an excuse to contact W. I simply needed to respond to her email about the D papers. Emailed her back this evening and simply told her to serve me. That was it for my response.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Not much new happening. I was finally served with the D papers last week. Still no contact from W. She never contacts me for anything anymore. I'm sure she's out leading her great new life without a care for me...that hurts. I have not contacted her either. So here we still are in NC and never once discussing the marital problems as to why she left. Great huh? Must be nice to decide to leave and never talk about anything. How awful it is to have someone just leave and still never talk to you about it. She makes me feel like I was some terrible H but I wasn't. I was a very good and loving H. I don't deserve this kind of treatment from her. She's been very cruel. It's all about her now in her mind.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
