Thank you so much to Jeff and Serenity...I don't know why I let my self fall so far and hurt so deeply this evening. Well, I didn't know. But now I do.
My marriage is over.
It has been over legally since February.
It has been over emotionally since whenever Dan turned his feelings off for me, whenever he chose to turn to someone else and to make me the scapegoat. And that has been going on for years.
And no matter how many times I dropped the rope with one hand, the other hand picked it up.
The part of me that is the unapologetic goofball optimist never let that little ember of hope go. However, all that did was allow me to continue to feel hurt by his antics.
If I had truly accepted that our relationship was over and could not be revived, then I would not have been surprised by his actions. We all know insanity is doing the same thing and hoping for a different result.
Anybody remember that odd lady Susan Powter or something? She had a buzz hair cut and would shout "Stop the Insanity"!!! Well it's about time I do that isn't it?
The most embarrassing thing is that I realize that for a long time, I almost let Dan replace God. I mean, I always loved God, but I know I looked to Dan for acceptance, love, validation, and approval. I realize now that whenever Dan rejected me, even this afternoon, I let myself believe it was true, that I was unlovable.
Well, now I am calling Bullsh!t.
My buddy Woog thinks I am awesome. You guys think I am pretty great (when I am not acting like a doorknob). I have friends and family and most importantly, I know God loves me.
So time to stop letting one man's opinion determine how I feel.
I took my thread title from a song I posted on my FB page. The thing that makes a person's character, is that they get up when they fall down.
So, I am getting up and dusting myself off. Time to truly move along...more than I ever have before.
So true, Kerry. And who needs to seek approval from a donkey?
Well, his cattle partner friend texted me a minute ago. Said "Sorry your ex doesn't want you buying cattle from me. I still think you're awesome!"
So that was nice. Apparently Dan got upset with him first, then ignored him. I told him regardless of our situation I was glad Dan had a nice friend like him, and that I would not put him in the middle by talking about Dan. He replied back, clearly relieved. Still, I am not going to chat too much with him in the future because I know he and Dan talk regularly and I don't want caught up in that.
Ok, back to cleaning the house. Everytime I start I get major ADD!
What is funny is that LaMichael James ran for 228 yards on 14 carries in just the first half and was disappointed by something lacking in his game - "worst game of my life". The guy is setting the bar too high!
Wow. I missed something. I thought you were moving along really well. Whatever happened today you'll power past it and Dan's really going to kick himself in three or four years.
I actually had a meeting with the richest man in town Friday. He's going through a D and wanted to commiserate with me (his already has cost $1 million).
I told him about the site and some of the really strong people I've encountered and you were top of the list.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Kerry--Yeah, I would take that for a worst performance!
CTH--I posted on my other thread the events of the afternoon/evening. Lots of pissiness on his end and tears on mine. But I am regrouping so I started a new thread...
I just caught up. That whole conversation was crappy of him to say. In the future, maybe you could just caught him off with "haven't we gone over this already?"
Don't defend yourself. He's not going to listen anyway.
Man, I would hate the second part of the conversation. I don't look forward to having relationship conversations with STBXW.
You can't fix him and in the end the kids will figure things out. Just keep on getting better.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Apparently Dan got upset with him first, then ignored him. I told him regardless of our situation I was glad Dan had a nice friend like him, and that I would not put him in the middle by talking about Dan. He replied back, clearly relieved. Still, I am not going to chat too much with him in the future because I know he and Dan talk regularly and I don't want caught up in that.