So H came and helped paint D17's room. They talked while they painted. She made it clear that he has caused her pain and she requires counseling. He responded better this time. Helped alot around the house since I am on crutches. Came back 3 days in a row, was cheerful, helpful and kind. My old H is back, the alien almost gone! As soon as I am off crutches we'll talk. I sense he would like to move back in right away but I need to sort out issues first. He refuses to do marital counseling. I wonder if anyone has any suggestions on how to move forward if both parties want to be together but one refuses counseling?
Freema hun, piecing is when both of you want to work at it and all hurts are set aside.
The key thing to piecing is boundaries, on the foremost your boundaries for what you will and wont expect of H. After all (not knowing the full story) he was the one that threw the spanner in the works and upped and left.
Whilst you may be involved in a lot of validating and giving, it does not mean that you become a doormat to get him back, as you said earlier you even questioned after all this time did you want him back.. If he really wants to set things straight he would be willing to do anything family councelling and marriage councelling..
They dont say peicing is the hardest thing you will ever do for nothing, but if you can make a new marriage all the better.
Personally although I would say in my situation he came back early mostly due to financial considerations, certainly there are some times I'd wished Id made him wait a little longer and been more determined to get back in my good book although thankfully we managed to push through those hard times and we have now been back together over six months.
Good luck hun, patience really is a virtue from now on (())
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
H has been really wonderful since early Sept.. He has painted D17's room, helped around the house, planned future home improvements, talks to me of his hopes, his dreams, how wonderful the kids are. It's entirely amazing. This is the man I married! How startling to see him this way again, when I had almost forgotten why I married him in the first place. What happened here?
I mean since late September. DB really works but it can take alot of time if you're separated and see little of each other. It feels almost as though we are each relieved we didn't go through the divorce, as though we were narrowly saved from some disaster.
Lost Rabbit I believe you hit it on the nailhead. This is wonderful advice and a word of caution learned from direct experience is always worthwhile.I will work on figuring out exactly what I need and present them calmly. Thank you.
