Yeah, I'll either ask her when I get home, or if we talk before then. She's under a huge amount of stress at work, and our financial sitch makes her worry about it a lot.
Yeah, I'll either ask her when I get home, or if we talk before then. She's under a huge amount of stress at work, and our financial sitch makes her worry about it a lot.
Glad to hear it. Keep the convo short, if you've found that the big R talks make her skittish. My H gets the same way so I've found little bits at a time get you farther than too much at once. And keep opening up, Pinhead, I know it's hard but you're doing great hanging in there. Keep us posted as to how you guys make out tonight.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Hello Pinhead I've just been reading the latest on your situation. As the others say, keep the faith and don't give up on things. I'd give an arm and a leg to be where you are now, but I can identify with the frustration and walking on eggs feelings.
I realize that my H and I kept 3/4 of our iffy feelings to ourselves, afraid to rock the boat or hurt each other, make each other suffer. The result was an affair and a volcanic eruption of bad feelings fermented inside. Even now, I'm not initiating contact, I sometimes wonder if he actually wants to "talk" but can't, wants me to get the ball rolling. Time will tell. But if your W rings you (even if ostensibly to talk practicalities), that means she's taking a step she could avoid if she didn't want contact or a talk with you. Keep on keeping on. I really hope it works out for you. She's a lucky woman - I know others with far less patience. NCU
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
Well, she was pretty business like when I got home. Not in the best of moods, and wasn't very talkative. She was upset about our budget, which she's taken over responsibility for. She tried to blame some of the excessive spending on me, but her partying the last couple of weeks and her trip to see her sister are the biggest reasons we didn't hit our goals. Later that night I asked her how I could help, and she seemed a bit more relaxed about it.
While we were cleaning up the dishes from dinner, I asked her why she was crying on the phone. She just answered "Because..." and didn't say anything else.
She seemed more concerned throughout the night about getting to watch all the TV shows she had recorded. Didn't talk much about work or anything. I read a book once the girls were tucked in bed.
I had a good IC session yesterday. No obvious stuff, except the C said that I'm more relaxed in one on one sessions. I'm obviously nervous when it's a joint MC session; he said I need to be "me" like I was in the individual. Not so easy, but I'll try tomorrow.
He said that W doesn't seem to have much joy about her; I totally agreed. She's been like this for years, not much "fun" or spark in her. And now with all the stress of our relationship, it's even more pronounced. He also said he wished we had come to him 4-5 years earlier. So I don't know if he's worried about our outcome like I am.
Part of me needs to detach from her mood swings and not let her wall get to me. When I get to thinking/feeling like this, I almost feel as if I don't care anymore; knowing that a year or two like this with no improvement would be a waste. I want to be happy, I want her to be happy. Not too much to ask.
I can relate to your sitch totaly... Seems like we are married to the same woman sometimes. Now if you have read my sitch you know I am still pretty screwed up BUT.....
After three years of this Cr@p.. Things are better...W is coming along with her low self esteem issues but I think the biggest improvement was in ME... When I read "Well, she was pretty business like when I got home. Not in the best of moods, and wasn't very talkative" YEP...Heck my W can change her mood with in minutes...but what changed was MY reaction to her mood swings... I try to let them go.... NOT let them affect mine. A little secret that I try to remember and use….. When your W is in one of her moods… In your mind… think back to a time when you both did something “silly” or some really fun thing you did…maybe even something “intimate” that will put a smile on your face….. Changes your attitude instantly I will guarantee it…..and with a smile on your face… I bet your W will smile back…..If she asks “what ya smiling about?”… Just say “oh nothing”….
Last edited by Dr LOve; 09/29/1001:52 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Yeah, that's one thing that keeps me going. I don't understand how someone can be such a sourpuss all the time. I know our sitch has too much pressure, but she (and I) both need to just lighten up. Easy to say, hard to do.
It's hard not to see it as a reflection on me, since she is much more fun-loving at work. Lately I really feel life is too short for this [censored]. It's so easy to focus on what's always been missing, and what you're still missing.
Do you know what a normal conversation is? Your wife has given you big hints.
Your wife wants to know all about you (intomesee). Work, family, hobbies, friends, goals, plans, travel, fun, kids, ideas, stories, exercise, health, spiritual, what you are learning - get it? You want affection then give her what she needs. Let her in to your life. It works.
Quote:
While we were cleaning up the dishes from dinner, I asked her why she was crying on the phone. She just answered "Because..."
And you let it slide because........???????? CB
What worked for you? Do you understand why?
Here's a clue:
Quote:
He said that W doesn't seem to have much joy about her; I totally agreed. She's been like this for years, not much "fun" or spark in her.
Answer - Your wife can't stand herself, she can't understand why you are interested in her. When you dumped her she felt attracted to you. She doesn't view herself as valuable and can't be attracted to a man who is interested in a "joyless" woman. Once you weren't interested it made you attractive because you now became valuable. Catnip.
Give her what she wants and needs.
Quote:
since she is much more fun-loving at work.
At work she is the pursuer. Cats love to hunt. The solution is right in front of you.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Oh! Heeheehee that's not quite where I was going with that... but you know it, dday! Thanks for the chuckle! 