I know I need to find out who I am, but it's really been so long since I've thought of myself in any way. It's not helping that I have been in a very solitary career for many years and really have no personal contacts (D is forcing a career change). That is something I am racking my brain to correct, a job would certainly help in that.
LSG, thanks for your support thru this. I keep telling myself that (can only change me). Also, the "why do I want to be with someone..." has changed to "I DO NOT want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me" for me.
I'll keep moving, hopefully in the right direction.
I'm still feeling pretty good, but not as up as yesterday but still better than previouse weeks.
W has taken to withdrawing again, just like the last time a attempted to let go but I failed. This time I plan on follow thru.
I do have a question for the vets. I read about fighting for your marriage. While I accept that it is most likely over (we've both sent our version of the filing), and the only indication that she feels anything is this distancing from her when I GAL, is this something I should be working on and how do I get started?
The weekend has been better than any since she dorpped the bomb, not the R but me personally. I have a different perspective on the goings on in the house.
W has accused me of acting like things were going to be ok, as in the M will be ok. Actually I realized today that SHE is acting that way. We get along fine most of the weekend and that was what made them hard on me. We work together, talk, joke, touch, anytihng she can't do (open jars, move ladder, etc) she comes to me and asks me to do it. Just like we were happily married. Now for the real problem. The kids. S is having a very hard time with W and how she behaves. He sees it all, and does not approve and does not understand her reasoning. It had gotten to where he is calling her names and disrespecting her, she just looks at me like I'm supposed to fix it.
What I think is that they see us gettign along all weekend, even though we sleep in sep rooms and that causes the stress of them being told we're getting D but it feels like we happy and get along.
My L has said not to leave house but I think it would be the best thing for the kids, at least they would not get mixed signals. It could cause a problem for me in legal terms for the kids. Has anyone done the apartment where the parents switch out each week and did it effect the outcome of the custody?
It is good that your perspective has changed. Don't let her change that now that you are in the place you are in.
Don't try to fix it for her with S. Let her do that herself. She has made the choices she has made. Do help your S when he needs it while you are with him if W is not around.
It is tough, and you will do what you need to.
Do not leave the house! It will not be best for the kids in the long run. Listen to your attorney. You attorney knows best.
You are doing great!!!
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Sorry I've been "away" but I needed to gather myself.
This will probably get long, appologies in advance...
I have been reading posts daily just not adding to the mix. I truely believe that I have let go. I took the weekend and went completely dark, more for me than the R. I had no problem not talking to her at all for 3 days (the kids and I went on a short trip) she called but I just handed the phone to the kids and let them talk. When we got home I found that I did not want to be around her, I'm not angry, just really don't want to be anywhere near someoone that doesn't want me in her life. She has asked me several times what I mad about, why do I just answer her questions and not talk, I told her I'm not mad, I just don't have anything to say to her, I don't know how I feel about her anymore.
She never responds, just walks off which is fine with me.
re: GAL I read on here at one time during a GAL discussion about dancing lessons. You need to know that I have NEVER danced in any form and have sucessfully avoided it to this point in my life. What better test, and challenge, than to take ballroom dance lessons! I am having a great time (it helps that the instructor is a FINE looking young lady, but it never really enters my mind while we are dancing) I would say that I still have a long way to go but I know the steps and am really looking forward to next week when I can go to 3 different parties at the dance club.
I've had a couple good leads on a job, hopefully one will work out soon. Once I get a job, I think she is set to "move" me out but I'm ok with that too. I won't go on my own but if the court decides then so be it. I think I would be happier anyway.
One quick question, how is everyone handling the fact that they are here, but in the discovery process documents requests they ask about any sites that you belong to and your user name and password?
thanks for your support and guidence, I know I would have been an even bigger mess than I am/was if not for this site and the people willing to help
I have read your thread. I would suggest that you try to post more often, if possible.
I believe the emotion you've felt recently is very common for LBH's. You want to escape so badly from the pain that when you get away from your W a while, you begin to think maybe you are accepting not having her in your life. Maybe you reach a point that your feelings get numb for a few days b/c your brain knows to go into "survival mode"and shuts down the painful emotions. You are right about this feeling not lasting.....but the other LBH's can discuss that a lot better than I can.
I haven't read too much about your W's affair and the OM. Do her parents/friends know about it? Does the OM's family know? What about their jobs? Does he work for a company that might not be happy with the conduct between boss and employee?
Quote:
just got back from L, going to look into some numbers and see where we are at with the house and kids. Also mentioned that they could probably get info on that cell number W keeps calling. Thinks is might serve a purpose even though infidelity is not a reason for D here, it might help in spousal support if I need it
I don't understand. Why do you say that infidelity is not reason for D?
Quote:
She was friendly till this morning and today she is not talking, did not say goodnight.
When this happens, it usually mean that something didn't go well regarding OM.
Look, a W has no reason to hide anything from her H except infidelity! So why have you not had this checked out and get your proof?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
