Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it

[BeginningAgain]

Filing jointly is a choice. You can choose to do so if it benefits you or you can file as "married filing separately". There is another option, it is pretty restrictive and i would consult a tax accountant first, but according to the IRS website if you are separated and have lived and maintained separate houses during the tax you may be able to claim Head of Household status. I am checking into this because it would definitely benefit us tax wise. Just a thought.

BA

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks guys, here's my draft response let me know what you guys think:

"I've been maxing out my FSA since you lost your job over a year ago and I remember telling you about it very clearly. Basically you can't claim the benefits twice for the same dependant regardless of the filing status. Had you let me know when you decided to sign up for your benefits I could've told you how this works. This is exactly how this whole conversation started i.e. you don't communicate to me things that have a direct affect on DD and me. Now you'll lose the money in your dependant care fsa account."

[kat727]

There is a lot of emotion in that e-mail. I am not in the best emotional states but I do agree with the guts of what you are trying to express. Maybe include dates of when you maxed out the FSA. Sorry I am not much help at the moment.

kat

[CityGirl]

While I know this isn't the best word to use, I would make the e-mail more "dictating" (IOW tell her what you will be doing)

W: When you lost your job last year we had a conversation and the conclusion that we both agreed to was I would be maxing out my FSA. It violates the federal and state tax laws for two people to claim the same dependant despite the filing status. Please adjust your plan and withholding accordingly.

Your W has proven time and time again she doesn't care "how things work". Her goal is to get as much money as she can from you no matter what. If she does not comply with adjusting things then include this in her settlement offer. She has refused to communicate on just about everything then informs you after the fact (your daughter's schooling, daycare, dr's appts and so on). Don't expect something different by doing more of the same. She was very comfortable demanding you pay this or pay that. This is not a demand, it's a fact of how things will be. Period.

[newmama]

I agree with Citygirl. If I remember correctly, in the past when you have "dictated" conditions, your stbxw kind of complied. Is this right?

[soleil]

W: When you lost your job last year we had a conversation and the conclusion that we both agreed to was I would be maxing out my FSA. It violates the federal and state tax laws for two people to claim the same dependant despite the filing status. Please adjust your plan and withholding accordingly.

Yep. that sounds good. Leave all emotion out of it. Your stbx does not seem to listen to anything other than what she wants, when she wants it. Tell her the facts only and leave any personal stuff out of it, IR.

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks friends! CG that was a great response thank you!

So STBXW called me at 7:30AM...I didn't answer at first but called back half hour later she was in almost a panic 'Hey, I was wondering if I could have some money from one those accounts' - I guess she looked through all the discovery docs unlike me so she knows there are multiple accounts and the money in them (I managed all the finances, she never had any interest in them). Anyway I didn't want to say yes so I said "Hmm...when do you need it?" She said "soon...I have to move out and I need to come up with a deposit for first and last month" I said "why the big rush?" she said "because...BECAUSE!!...[owner] has to move back in because her boyfriend lost his house so they have to come live here" I said "well how much money do you need?" she said "$3k" I said "it's fine but I need to check with my lawyer first" she said "can you check soon? we can document what I'm taking and send it to the lawyers". I said "I'll see what I can do"

Ugh!! it never stops! So I have a few options here:

1. give her the $3k out of my checking (most of those cash accounts are interest earning savings accounts and takes a few days to transfer money) and document it with the lawyers. Showing good faith.

2. use this as an opportunity to negotiate something else such as who gets to claim DD as a dependant etc

3. get the lawyers involved and start splitting up the assets now as a whole.

[CityGirl]

You have been awarded a golden ticket.

No talking, no negotiating... nothing. She has two choices (A) deal with it on her own - OR - (B) negotiate a full settlement by the close of business tomorrow that is final. If she chooses not to take the settlement then too bad, too sad. Just let her know you will be keeping your daughter until she has a place to live that is suitable.

You have been screwed at every turn. DO NOT LET THIS opportunity pass you by. Let her cry, yell or tattle to her attny. You are under NO obligation to provide her with any funds outside of the temporary support order.

Your W has lost any "good faith" by the numerous stunts she has pulled. Use her desperation to get settlement done.

[smith18]

CityGirl is right on!

Your STBXW has burned any remaining bridges to you based upon her legal actions in the past.

Ask yourself this question...if the tables were turned...would she give you emergency money because you failed to save or plan for future emergencies?

My W also needed money quickly - I let the L's deal with it as part of the settlement.

[alice444]

I have to say I agree with KK and CG. I know you, and you are very much like me. But that has to end. No more Mr. Nice Guy. You KNOW she would not help you if the tables were turned. You need to turn that part of you off that usually is triggered to "help". She's put herself in this sitch, she's a big girl, and she has $2K/month from you from which she could pull this money. If you need strength, re-read her past 5 emails to you. Do not rescue her, do not give her this $- you will never see it again. Tell her you'll keep DD until she has a suitable residence set up and if she wants the $, sign the frickin agreement. Period.