After Exposure - Keep It Going

[Quicksilver264]

She's just putting the VERY OLD one down (not the other 2), and I am starting to see it is her time anyway.

But man is she dead set on getting some. It's a little sad.

I wonder when she gets tired of him or they cheat on each other when she is going to think?

What are they going to say after they catch each other banging other people when they have 10 months on a lease left?

[Allen A]

It's her grave she's diggin man... You can see the writing on the wall...

Imagine this was your daughter and she came to you and told you

"There s ahot guy at work. I dont' know him but I am gonna ask him to let me move in with him."

I imagin you would tell her she's a damn fool yes?

Just throw away that phone number and don't follow in your wife's footsteps... she's headed for trouble and will kick herself one day and you can have a sad chuckle at that time.

How do we know this guy isn't gay, in a relationship, or wants a bachelor pad to sew his wild oats on a different young woman each night...

Guys that young like their space... I can imagine a hundred reasons why he would say no.

[Quicksilver264]

Guys that young like their space... I can imagine a hundred reasons why he would say no.

Guys that young also loooooove a willing woman to come home to every night.

My wife even said she just wants "fun". So they can be F buddies every now and then, and they can both do whatever else on the side.

Imagine having a horny older woman as a roommate who will do you ANYTIME no matter what you do elsewhere?

He might think he's won the lottery.

But you are right - this is a TRAIN WRECK waiting to happen because somebody somewhere is going to get attached or make a mistake and then there's ALOT of lease time left.

[Allen A]

Dude, you need to do your researh

a. The sex buddy thing doens't work long term... SOmeone gets jealous and fights start.. There's research on it, even MWD said the friends with benefits thing doens't work out and ends up a hurtful mess. She deals with this stuff every day.

b. Guys love a woman who LEAVES too... This woman will STAY there every day and get clingy and he will get pissed off cause he's a child still... think it through.

c. And your wife won't mount the guy anytime he wants... Women dont' work that way long term.. it may be easier for a few weeks or even months but the realities of daily living will take their toll.. He's a slob or he can't manage his money well, etc... You are so damn pessimistic you want to look OPTIMISTICALLY about your wife and some other dude just to torture yourself.

I have read the research man, you are wrong. I know you aer scared right now, but you need to educate yourself.

You are starting to get it at the bottom of your post... but you are wrong, your wife will be moody. She will ahve stressful days. SHe will MISS her BIG HOUSE. She will miss a LOT of things and stress will get to her... This guy may want to watch Sports all day and she may be sick of it, etc

People with a maturity level of your wife's level AND lkley a guy the age you are describing cannot make that work ... The sad part is they can't even FAIL at it gracefully.

MATURE people don't always have a fairytale relationship the first time either but they END them gracefully with minimal damage. Your wife is a walking time bomb.

[Allen A]

This is from Michele Davis herself right from her website here :


The New Monogamy: Cheating by the Rules?

iVillage asks: about "Managed Monogamy"

Michele answers: "Managed Monogamy? Oxymoron" You have got to be kidding. I've been a marriage therapist for nearly 30 years and I've yet to witness even one open marriage work. Setting morality or the dangers of STDs aside, this idea of managed monogamy - talk about an oxymoron - is a disaster waiting to happen. Even if spouses have good intentions and believe they've agreed upon fair rules for fooling around, all bets are off once they open Pandora's box. The promise of pleasurable, kinky, extraordinary sex has a funny way of enticing people to behave in ways - especially toward their spouses - that they might not ordinarily. And when they do, jealousy sets in. One spouse wants to call the deal off and the other is too busy getting turned on to care. So, although old-fashioned monogamy may be a far-from-perfect solution for more adventurous couples, it's still, by far, the best one we've got.

[EJohn]

QS, at this point, she is going to do whatever she wants to do, regardless of what you do or think - so it's best to not think about the possibilites and what if's. It will drive you mad.

She's already cheated on you, filed for divorce, and is on the prowl. You have to let her go, to live and make mistakes on her own. That doesn't mean stop loving her, or run out and find a new person.

Keep your dignity and self respect....and STOP reading her texts and checking on her. It isn't helping you. I analyzed every little thing, it's been a year and a half and I'm still recovering from dreaming up the what ifs.

Get back to who you used to be when you first met. It's isn't easy, but I can guarantee she will start wondering what is happening with you, start missing you, and then try to reconnect with you.

Get yourself healthy first, relationship later.

[TimeHeals]

Yea,

Seriously, the time to drop the rope has passed. You never could control her, and running through these scenarios and this continued snooping is--at this point--just a way for you to feel like you have some control in an otherwise intollerable situation.

She's not feeling the weight of her choices and actions because YOU are still fully there. She's still running from you.

Make your own plan... that hopefully doesn't include harm to your pets or abandoning your responsibilities as a pet owner.

Time for you to step up, be strong, and wish her well if she's so bent on self-destruction that she'd be willing to kill your pets.

The harder you hold on, at this point, the harder she is going to pull away, and she's willing to kill her pets to prove it.

Do you need a boiled rabbit to drop the rope?

Time for the robx type of attitude, so that if you absolutely must speak to her, the next time she acts up you honestly feel and say, "You are right. This isn't working for me either, but I am going to do whatever I want, and I think I want to keep my pets, and I don't want to be with anybody who could have them put down because they wanted to pursue a single life. What if we had kids? Would you have them put down too? I don't want this kind of drama in my life anymore".

[Quicksilver264]

She's just putting the VERY OLD one down (not the other 2), and I am starting to see it is her time anyway.

You are right. I CANNOT control her AT ALL.

But we have sooooo little contact as it is now. I do my thing, and she does hers. We only live together because she can't afford getting her own place. I have a life now, and she shows very little if any interest in it at all. Occasionally she looks at my Facebook page.

I am by no means pursuing her. In fact last night we talked about splitting up the assets. I didn't lose control, and I was entirely calm. But Allen told me to skip the "I'm done" speech. So she still thinks I am NOT done with her. So I guess my ACTIONS will have to speak for me. But that is going to mean agreeing to sell the house.


All I am doing with my intel is looking for the smallest signs of change. We are supposed to NOT do what doesn't work right? Well up until this point NOTHING I have done has worked. She HAS noticed I am more outgoing, friendly, and interesting. But that just makes her want to leave even MORE. She wants AWAY from me in the worst way.

And here is my biggest fear: We put the house up for sale, she moves out with this guy or to her own place. She indulges her sexual fantasies all the while I am here alone in this house.

I HAVE dropped the rope. And I am walking away, but there are times when I look back and she is not following and it HURTS.

So everyday I have to deal with my fear as the time when it comes to pass gets closer and closer. Those first few nights in her new apartment with that potential guy are going to be agonizing. But maybe by then she will have done me in even further.

And YES, I need to get over that. But you KNOW how freakin' hard it is.

[TimeHeals]

I HAVE dropped the rope. And I am walking away, but there are times when I look back and she is not following and it HURTS.

Then you haven't dropped the rope. You're still checking to see if you are towing her along.

I know it hurts. It hurts, you may be angry for a time, and it's harder when they are still in the same house with you, but you need to make YOU your focus. You need to be stronger--emotionally, mentally, and spiritually--and determined to live a good life and do what is right... especially in the face of adversity.

Things will become clearer one way or another.

No matter how this plays out, this is your OPPORTUNITY to become a stronger, more empathetic human being. This is your chance to grow to become who you were meant to be. Maybe you cannot even do that together right now? I don't know.

If you are religous, I have a prayer I often use myself:

Dear God,

Please help me to become stronger-spiritually, emotionally, and mentally--and help me find the clairity to do the right thing. I accept responsibility for my choices and actions, and I turn everything else over to you.

Amen.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

That's a really good prayer, TH. It says it all!

Puppy