I feel as you do some times, it hurts when you feel the W has moved on already. I think TH post above is pretty accurate, As we during the meltdown dont know how bad it really is until the bomb, the future WA is checking out of the M before us. My W moved very quickly as well, Bomb early july, served D papers early august, and she moved out August 20 something.
I also have young kids, I think it is too early to introduce the OM to your S. I think whem the WA moves quickly they feel the need for some form of complete closure and that it will feel more free quicker. But again as TH says when they move this quick they dont really have the sense of what the long term effects will do. I know I would not introduce someone I date for a month to my kids, no frigin way.
I agree on the background check, when W and I separated 3 years ago and she had OM, I did it and also later found out during our 6 month split, she did not have OM around the kids when she had them. She did at least not disrespect me the fact I am their father no one else. Do you know if OM has any kids?
Well, there may be no need for the background check. My W called me today to pick up son on my off day. She said she wasn't feeling well. I picked him up and we came back to my house and started playing and shortly after W called me.
She was crying and asked if we could talk....... I went into the other room and she said that I was right about everything. I asked what she was talking about, and she proceeded to tell me her "boyfriend" just dumped her. They went to the zoo today with our son and he actually told her that he didn't like our son and wasn't ready to deal with this.
I'll be honest, I was smiling ear to ear. I told her that she needs to be careful going forward when she introduces someone to our son. She asked me if I could come over and hang out because she was feeling down. I told her I'd come over with son and help put him to bed but then I would need to leave.
I got there and played with son and talked to mother in law. Put son to bed and I left. She looked shocked that I wasn't going to stay and comfort her but I'm not that guy anymore and I can't forget what she put me through. Anyway, we'll see how long she can be single. I'm convinced she can't be alone.....
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
Nice job FFH! You are the man. Not sure what will happen for you, but you are right to let her hang. my W called me tonight to bitch about things I took that she thought were hers. I told her that she should have stayed home to supervise instead of running away. We'll see how this goes too.
Hang with me man. I'm going to need the support and you have been there for me and I hope I can say the same for you, even though I am not as insightful as others.
If you want her still, it looks like W is going to come running back to you. Just don't be too hasty and PLEASE stand your ground. Don't forget about boundaries and everyting else that Puppy talks about. I so hope that I get to your place eventually, but I expect nothing at the moment.
Hang tough buddy. We are all rooting for the outcone you want and deserve.
my 1st marriage: xh brought women around our daughter, so much that daughter was kicked from her room to sleep on couch.
in my state a divorce class is mandatory, some of the things they state, DO NOT ABSOLUTELY DO NOT BRING SOMEONE AROUND YOU ARE DATING: When you feel this person will be a permanent fixture in your life, then maybe then bring them around minor children,.
we all know in a perfect world that would be so awesome as to not have our ex's put their needs first and always put the children's security first, but the reality is that-SUCKS!
i even had some family members say to me you can't expect them never to have another step parent. i said oh heck yeah,. with this divorce i'm not having my kids go through what my older did.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
to think of it, i do believe you can do something about it:
if you can prove w or h has a revolving door of relationships that she brings around the minor children: then document it, go to court and have sole custody of your children and your xw/xh can prove they are of good moral character.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Thanks for the all the support.... In our state it is mandatory to take a parenting class. We both went and my W obviously didn't listen to the timeline of introducing 3rd party to the child. After speaking with W lastnight she did admit that she made a huge mistake by introducing him to quickly.
She said she learned from her mistake and admitted she really isn't in a position to date right now. I asked when she does date to please consider our son going forward.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
Since my STBXW OM has broken it off with her she has become a different person. She is trying to convince everyone that she is now the victim. She was on top of the world when OM was around and she treated everyone like crap. Now she is fighting to redeem any relationship with friends, family and me.
It's hard at times not to speak with her, I know that she is lonely and only calling me until she finds a new distraction. I keep things very light and mostly about our son. She has invited me over to her new place to hang out, to have dinner. I respectfully decline everytime. I don't want to get hurt again and mostly I haven't forgiven her for what she has done.
I've always thought about what I would do if W ever came running back to me? I can honestly say I won't do anything. The past 6 months have been the hardest thing I've ever dealt with. Now that I'm on my own and finding out who I am I realized that I don't need my W to survive. My focus right now is my son and my career.
My W is going to have to deal with the reality that she left her family because she thought the grass was greener. Currently that isn't the case. She is miserable, lonely and looking for someone to pick her up.
I can't be that guy anymore...........
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
Wow FFH. You are strong and have come a very long way from where you once were. This happened to a friend of mine and his ex would come over to his house crying hysterically on the front porch wanting to get back together. Eventually they did get back together and they say their relationship is better than ever, but I know that he still questions himself sometimes.
Not sure what I would do at this point myself if W wanted back. All the trust and most of the love is gone now. Still starting over will be difficult too. I haven't had a "sandwich" in a long time and I do miss the touch of a woman. It will be hard to decide IF it ever happens. I have worked very hard to get where I am, but the road ahead looks pretty tough for a while yet, at least in terms of the house and money.
Think long and hard FFH. She would need to be very repentant for me to take her back in your sitch. I don't think she is there yet. Maybe never will be.
