WAW Using God III

[pigskin]

Journaling:

Well, W came over earlier than I expected her today, while I was putting together a grocery list and getting ready to go to the store. She brought food to cook for dinner as we planned, but I had no recollection of her saying what time she was coming (she claimed she told me between 4 and 5PM).

I told her I was going to take a shower and then go to the store. She seemed pretty perturbed by that, so I asked her if she had plans for later that I was encroaching on, and she said no. So I did as I had planned.

We had dinner as a family, W cooked, and then we set the kids up to watch a movie while we went over both of our individual corporate benefit plans to decide which is the best way to go in covering the family. I didn't have all the details of mine, as I had spent the week in transition into my new role (Monday was my first day). Again she was irritated by this. I told her I apologize, but I was slightly busy in ramping up in my new job. I then said, "I thought we were going to talk about US, otherwise what is the point in deciding benefits?"

She brushed that off saying something to the effect of "I didn't mean we would do that FIRST. I'm sorry you interpreted it that way."

So we made the benefits decision and I said, "So. What do you have to talk to me about?"

So then she said, "I've been going back and forth as you know, and have been thinking about this alot, but I don't see myself coming back in the forseeable future".

I just said "OK. I'll call my lawyer on Monday and have him finalize the papers."

Then I mentioned the holiday schedule. Since Christmas falls on my day, I asked her that we be considerate of the kids and that we not force them to shuffle between residences Christmas morning. I asked for their sake that wherever they are going to spend Christmas, that they wake up there and stay there.

This seemed to hit her as she started to argue that we should use the same procedure as always, she dropping the kids off around noon. I told her that was BS, and that she is once again not considering the kids. This led to more discussion, mostly unproductive, and she said she would think about it.

I would rather flip a coin and risk losing the kids for the whole of Christmas Day than turn it into some BS exercise for them, but she doesn't see it that way.

Again alot of talk about "They are FINE. The kids will be FINE."

I said talk to a divorce lawyer and see what they have to say about that. She said she talked to a divorce counselor and was told that the kids will be OK. To that I asked her if the counselor was divorced. She said she didn't know.

It was an emotional conversation, not knock down drag out, as the kids were near us, but she teared up and so did I. Not for me. Not for my marriage. But for my kids. If we had no kids, this would be a lot easier to take.

I told her when we tell the kids there will be no "We" or "Our" in the discussion. We will tell them that mommy has decided that this is what she wants.

My W said "I think that's shi++y. Why would we turn them against one of us. They are not old enough to understand the dynamics of marriage."

I told her to live with the consequences of her decision, but I am not having any part of "We".

As they were getting ready to go I asked her how long she needed to think about Christmas arrangements. She looked at me with a weary teary look and said, "Can I have a day?"

Then I asked her "Will you be arranging for consel this week? Because I don't want any delays in the process."

Again a weary reply "Yes if I have time."

So here it ends. Like I said, I was ready for any outcome and I am. I'm sad for the kids and for her, as she's making a grave mistake she will one day regret. But I am happy for me. I have closure on a sad chapter in my life. And although there are many tedious and painful details ahead, I have total and complete confidence that I am in the Lord's hands, and my tomorrows are going to be much better then my yesterdays and todays.

--Pigskin
We started into some R talk and I was irritated, just telling her calmly how everything has been jus

[pigskin]

Well some good news this morning. When she dropped off the kids, she agreed to my Christmas Day plan.

So at least the kids won't have to deal with any disruption.

My MIL is having W and the kids for Thanksgiving. I learned through my W that I am invited (again, my MIL loves me). But I declined, saying that we've crossed a threshold here and now need to start moving on. I can't see sitting there at the table with STBXW and pretending like we're a family.

So I need to rustle up some Thanksgiving Day guests at my house for football and deep fried turkey...

[idontunderstand]

Hey, Pigskin -

Don't know what to say, man.

Take care.

Please keep posting. Let me/us know how things continue to evolve.

[pigskin]

Thanks IDU. I'll keep a narrative of how things play out.

My L is supposed to get the initial draft of the dissolution paperwork to me tomorrow, finally. But granted I didn't follow up with him much as I was waiting to see how she responded to her inner conflict.

I'm ready to get on with it. This is the first holiday season that we won't spend together. She gets the kids Thanksgiving, and I get them Christmas. Christmas agreement was a bit of a battle as it falls on a day I normally get them. Normally she drops them off around noon. I asked for Christmas that we not deprive them of the whole experience by shuttling them around on that day. My plan was to have them dropped off Christmas Eve so they could set out stuff for Santa and do the normal traditional stuff. She resisted but eventually relented.

[idontunderstand]

Hi, Pigskin -

Just checking in.

Take care.

IDU

[pigskin]

Hey IDU - yeah I've been a bit scarce in posting.

Updating, today is W's birthday. I took the kids out last weekend to get her presents from them, but got her nothing from me. I called today to see if she was home so I could drop off the gifts and told her "happy birthday" but I'm not doing anything special for her. She's just a woman I know now, who happens to be the mother of my children.

My lawyer is super slow. He keeps promising documents and not delivering when he says he will. He was recommended to me by a friend who is a lawyer in his office and also had his own dissolution done by this guy. The guy is considered one of the best lawyers in my city, and I was told he is super busy, but it is annoying. I want to get this over with. Especially since I want to refi the house at the current low rates and don't want to go through two separate rounds of paperwork, as I will likely be the one keeping the house.

Overall I am doing very well. Haven't started dating but am enjoying working on my flirtation skills. Loving the new job. So life is pretty good, and will likely get much better when all of the logistics around the dissolution are finished.

[SpinFree]

She's just a woman I know now, who happens to be the mother of my children.

Consequences, Baby!

My lawyer is super slow. He keeps promising documents and not delivering when he says he will.

This may be an ethics violation. I would be very frank with your attorney. "Your promised delivery dates for paperwork have been very unrealistic. I would like to have a more realistic time-frame expectations however you can deliver them. As in: they won't be ready before Tuesday. I understand that you are busy, but you shouldn't take on more cases than you can handle." If you need to, you can go to the Bar and file a complaint.

Overall I am doing very well. Haven't started dating but am enjoying working on my flirtation skills. Loving the new job. So life is pretty good, and will likely get much better when all of the logistics around the dissolution are finished.

Flirting skilz are *always* good to practice. Find a checkout girl at the store that is slightly less attractive than you. Wait in her line no matter how long it is. When she hands you the receipt, lock eyes with her and say "Thank You". She will either stare into space or follow you out of the store with her eyes. OR Compliment any safe female on their outfit, jewelry, fingernails, hair etc., but them that it looks good on THEM. Then walk away. You sharpen your mad skilz. She gets her day made. Maybe her husband or boyfriend gets lucky. Everybody wins.

Strength and Honor, Pigskin. Your wife has chosen darkness rather than confront her mistakes and step into the light. It was more than she wanted to do. God won't give you more than you CAN handle. He may give you more than you WILL handle.

SpinFree (*checking on da pigskin)



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[pigskin]

Thanks for the comments Spinfree. I can honestly say I've achieved total detachment. I really couldn't care less what my W does anymore.

[dbmod]

What would have to happen for you to open your heart?

[pigskin]

What would have to happen for you to open your heart?

Since I've been DBing for a year and a half without the slightest budge from my W, she would literally have to transform into the complete opposite of what she is now. Pretty much as if she went "reverse alien". I would have to be completely floored by the change in her behavior, as if her current personality and attitude were surgically removed and replaced by something unbelievable. I don't see that ever happening.