Both sides ready to File...

[Chuck66]

M 21 years. Just retired from Air Force. I have a Masters she has a Bachelors degree. My retirement pay will about equal her paying job now. Moved into home we've been building for a year. DS had some behaviour issues (hitting teachers) got expelled from day care and suspended from Kindergarten. W and I were at a loss. Lack of affection in R by W so I became more clingy...started a catch-22. Sex 3x per month like clockwork. W never initiates and if I bring it up get answers like "I guess we can do it tonight."

W looses weight. Then her parents/I worry about too much weight. She is 5'8" and weighs 105lbs and I find diet pills. I become controlling and setting out food for her to take to work. She ignores it. I place a snack or two in her car. My controlling gets bad enough were I place real coke in a diet coke bottle because I think she is refusing to eat. She has had the same meals for weeks. No breakfast. A bag of chips for lunch and nachos and a beer or wine cooler for supper alone and away from the family.

She finally detaches from kids so much that I get them up, dressed, showers, meals, bedtimes and she no longer reads to them like she had been doing everynight since they were 2.
She detaches from me and works 60 hours work week and must go in at nights. Her boss says he doenst make her go in. She statts working one weekend day too. Buys new clothes, wears them takes them back. Does this all over town. 35 times in June alone. Half of those visits to clothes stores are returning what she has bought. So she is not running up debt but she is using the stores as her personal closet. Tanning. High heels. Takes 2 hour lunches but stays at work until 8pm. I think OM. Ask around her work. There is a rumour. I go up there to confront OM rumour and run into his GF. Since then found out W was looking for apartments and I get the "its not you it's me" speech and "I don't need anyone right now". I eventually talk to possible OM and he says no way and he has bad prostate blah blah. So I still don't know if there is an OM. He gave her guitar lessons and my all she played was Bob Dylan songs for a month. This guy loves Dylan and his son is named Dylan. She would spend 60 hours at work per week then still get home and play guitar for an hour or two. Family never saw her.

I say can we give each other quid pro quo to de-escalate. I will not go up to you work uninvited. She says that would be nice and I'll think about the olive branch I give you. The next day she says I am giving you your olive branch and you want out so I think I will make you happy and we should do mediation divorce quickly and inexpensively as possible.

I split up the joint accounts and left $5k in her checking and placed $5k in my new checking. She chides calls it an allowance and all the big accts/investments are in my name only so they are protected. She said at mediation I will try hard so you get to keep the house. I have been carrying around blueprints for this house for 12 years and its finally built so she knows the home is very important.

She also takes a few to many headache pills with alcohol and I call poison control who tells me to take her to the ER. They give her fluids for 3 hours to get the drug levels low enough and then send her home with her pills and say be more careful. She asks later if that was a setup to get custody. She was slurring her words and I was worried. It was not a setup.

Her parents want me to relay a message to her at our first MC. They said they moved here to watch our family grow and they do not like the changes they have seen in their daughter and the way she treats the kids (W threw away DD picture in trash and when DD said she worked so hard on that why mommy,,,mommy said oh well) and that her parents are putting their house up for sale because they are sick of seeing it. W in first counselling points at me as says I have have it. I am done. You can have the house all the money I am through. She has since recanted all that and said "You getting all that is not going to happen".

So we both lawyer up. She wants me to help with the account numbers and tally of our assets with her today.

MC said he can't counsel us unless we do IC first. We both agree and they loose all of our appointments in the system. We make new ones. Things get worse between us past two weeks waiting. They cancel her first IC saying she never filled out required paperwork 5 days in advance. W says will we be D before her next schedule IC in Aug.

In the meantime she has patched things up with her parents who thin she is the greatest. She has toned down the clothes. And has become mom of the year with the kids. Playing board games for an hour where for a month she didn't even kiss them goodnight.


Last night I left the house at 8:30 and she kept screaming at me "who is she?" I went to Walmart and came home in an hour and
she says I know what you're trying to do and its not going to work. Well I just need an hour outside of this house so I don't know what she is talking about.

Neither side has filed D paperwork yet... but getting close.

Since I confronted possible OM and his GF. W has not taken another 2 hour lunch, no more clothes stores purchase, and plays guitar but no more Bob Dylan songs. Thank god! We still live under same roof and sleep in same bed. I'm not wearing my ring and she is.


That's the recap.

Chuck

[g450]

I can relate to the "it's not you it's me" comment from my XW.

She also said "there is nobody" and the sex situation was exactly the same as yours. Not good.

End result is we could not divorce me fast enough. Seems that me keeping my vows for almost 23 years didnt count for squat to her.

And I found out two months after the divorce that she had been having an online love affair with her HS boyfriend from 36 years ago.

My point? There could very well be another man in your sitch. But he may not be local. Just food for thought.

[Chuck66]

And does it really matter if their is an OM or not? If they have checked out of the M and stay up at work 60-70 hours per week it has the same effect. Co-existence.

Chuck