Ugh, your poor daughter with the evac! It can be a very scary thing, since the kids don't know what is going to happen. I survived a school shooting episode as a jr. high student, myself - it can be traumatic!
I'm not sure if I posted it here, but I was so happy to go see you in your play - you were SO funny, and stole the show more than once
Is this the son who was being cold to you for a while? I hope that things have evened out for him...
Yes, it was my oldest son. I figure it's a two way street. I'm realizing he's very busy living his own life (the demanding job, girlfriend, living on his own an hour away) and not making it all about me. But keeping my boundaries (which he may or may not have read about in an email). And thanks for the compliment, Donna.. It was great to see you there.. and the show was so much fun.
Unfortunately my washing machine stopped draining out the water. Fortunately, I figured out how to fix it.
Unfortunately, I messed up some other stuff while fixing it. Fortunately, a repair man was able to come out and make everything better for under $50.
Unfortunately I do not have a resume. Fortunately, people I used to work with/know have evolved to corporate deities.
Unfortunately that does not translate into a job. Fortunately I'm good at creative writing.
Unfortunately I'm bamboozled at where to start, what to do. Fortunately I have friends who are aiming 2x4's at me and aren't afraid to use them.
A woman I've know for 20 years had the listing for my house for the past year. After 12 months with very few showings, steadily declining prices and only one paltry bid, I let the contract expire with no intention of doing anything until the spring. My friend asked me if there was another realtor... Nope.
Then I meet an agent who presence is like going from a CD player to an iTouch. I know my house will be sold.. period... rather than living in a house with a For Sale sign. Once I decided to go back on the market with this innovative woman, I called my friend, the agent who'd had this house for a year.
I wanted to let her know what was going on. She was miffed especially after hearing the price (which is lower than when I just took it off). She felt she should have had the opportunity to sell it at that price.
In my mind, I just wanted it to be business. Everything else was too much emotion. And she had a really tough position with me since we were friends (she'd been friends with the former spouse,too) and I was an emotional weeble.
What surprised.. shocked me was when she came to remove the key box she rang the door, didn't even look at me while handing the key and walked away. No word. Nothing.
I stood there. Watched. Shocked.
With the bomb, divorce and life thereafter I've learned the importance and need for boundaries, listening to my gut. Keeping the Four Agreements as a working model helps immensely.
I tried to do what I felt was right.. telling my friend directly rather than her hearing it through the grapevine or seeing my house as a new listing.
It almost felt like a mini relationship.. that I was the WAS.. that I'd dropped a bomb. I thought I gave it a year.. she had a year. What's she upset about.. it's a job for her... it's my assets.
I had to remind myself that this was not a marriage. But when working with friends things can get smooshie especially if either of us feels like we have to hold back. Now I know why it's not good to mix business with friendship.
Anyway.. the previous me would be falling over myself apologizing profusely. It's unpleasant having someone I care for acting that way toward me. And I'm sure I could have said it better.
I'm upset.. but it's not taking over me.. not causing a seismic energy shift.. just a weird sense of uncomfortable wonder.
Just because someone is upset with me, doesn't mean I collapse into a muddling puddle of emotional stew. (Old me)
Pay attention. Do my best. Never intentionally cause harm.
One foot in front of the other.
Oh yes.. and I have to learn to let go of that sniggly whispering.. that I always screw up, do thing totally completely wrong. I guess it's mine to own.
Don't know if this makes sense... but I just had to put it down someplace.
What a great article. An amazing woman as well. It is so true that we don't know what we have in us until we are faced with the hard stuff. I have an idea too about the 5 year thing: look forward 5 and back 5...where would you rather be? Me I take the moving forward!
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I invited the cast of the show I was in this fall to watch the DVD of our performance. The first guy to arrive was the one who made the DVDs (his business) and we were chatting. I must have mentioned something about the divorce (either getting the house in the settlement or something) and he asked, "How long have you been divorced." With a slight pause.. "Almost two years, three years since he left."
Some big ole thing thunked in my head taking half my brain. "That's a looooooooooooooong time." was the thought.
But-t-t-t-t.. it was an emotional atom bomb. Definitely Year One and a Half.
But-t-t-t-t.. it was financially devastating. Absolutely but that's my responsibility to deal with.
But-t-t-t-t.. what about the kids? My gut instinct to provide a stable place, secure that the kids knew where ever I was is home was right. That whatever I did impacted decades of their life. And they're all flourishing.
But-t-t-t-t.. what about me? Yep. That's the big cannoli.
It's MY life... now.
Not the divorce's. Not the injustice. It's the present.
Getting stuck in the past is a choice. Fretting about fears is one, too. Throwing my energy into the now is a good one.
Time to let go, shed the stinking molding tattered boots of anger, regret, pain of divorce and feel the ground beneath my feet.
Uh huh. There may be glass, gravel, pointy rocks but there's grass, sand, water, too.
I know how to feel. It's time to look and move, too.
Hey Gyps, always nice to read you. It has been roughly three years for me as well. That is a long time. Some folks move on quicker than others and some have a little more difficulty. What is important is that we heal.....it has not been an easy road and we all struggle at times but I firmly believe that WE have to give ourselves that kick in the butt, WE need to snap out of it and stop looking back at every opportunity. You / we have come a long way from those early post bomb days. I sometimes wonder how the last three years have affected or changed me. I hope I am a better person. I hope I am more receptive to others and their feelings (like the person in the article mentions). I have to improve on certain facets of my life but I am not aiming for perfection. So don't sweat the real estate agent reaction. That person is hurt and reacted a certain way that surprised you. Sometimes it is in difficult times that we see the real character of some folks. It is easy to smile and wave when things are going well. The real estate person took it personally...you are right about business and family / friends....usually not a good mix.
The house has a binder on it and if all goes well we'll be in contract in about a week, out the door in 90 days. When I signed the papers, I felt like I was walking through amniotic fluid. Not the surreal feeling I had as the judge finalized the divorce. It's a good thing to get out of this house. Lots of good and happy memories and wonderful place for another family to create their own. I'm looking at places and was told I should be under contract by January 15th.
Last night was opening night for "Miracle on 34th Street", a play I'm performing in at the local community theatre. I have a small role as the maid and I love it. It's odd how soothed I feel on-stage. Today I auditioned for their February big musical. I'm hoping to get the non singing but funny role of a wealthy British woman who has to keep tabs on her wayward husband.
