Telling someone who is cheating on you, and openly flaunting it in your face, a compliment and then to "have a nice day"???? You really thought that was OK??
hm, well no, but I also thought I was supposed to be polite and respond occassionally....and it was all I could think of at the time.
I'm a part time photographer and the pic was good, so it is natural for me to acknowlege it. I guess I need to stop myself from doing things like that.
You're right. I shouldn't have said anything. that was pretty stupid of me.
I really need to get more of a backbone here. UGH. I'm feeling pretty dumb now.
Or say "I think I did I dunno, i got lots of messages today..."
67 you are going to have a REALLY hard time of this if you keep clinging like this... Your husband will NOT return as long as you have no respect for yourself... And telling a man who is cheating on you to "have a nice day" SINGS "I am a doormat - keep cheating on me... I am here if you need me."
he is NOT going to come home to a doormat... Doormats are NOT appealing other than as someone they can USE
Find yourself again and push him OUT of your life so he CAN try to fit back in... Right now you have a nice spot all laid out for him to return to... So he's NOT SCARED in the LEAST
REMOVE his place in your life and replace that void with your DIGNITY and he will think twice... Until you start doing this you don't have a chance of putting a dent in this thing...
I understand it's hard to know the practicalities of doing this, at times, but it's something you have to figure out. It isn't that you don't want to be "polite"... you just want to be too busy with your own life to have time to for extra stuff. You're in the middle of something - no time to pay attention to a picture... that mind-set is what you're striving for.
here's another question to see if I may have done it right finally.
This morning, he texted me four times, I ignored them all. Then he called me at 1:00 and I let it go to voice mail. I finally called him back about 30 minutes after that. He asked if I would bring him in some of his good clothes cause he is on Jury duty (which I already knew cause the notice came here and I had to get it to him) and wanted to have something to wear other than his greasy uniforms. I told him that I would TRY, but I have a busy day so it might not be til late...but I will TRY to do this for him. He said he really appreciated it and if I couldn't make it to let him know later so that he figure out something else to do for something to wear cause his boss said that he could not drive the truck out here just for some clothes. That was not acceptable to his boss LOL.
He talked a little about his day then and asked how mine was going. I told him busy, but good. Then we hung up. maybe a total of 5 - 7 minutes on the phone at the most.
So I'm going to take them in (his mom's house is about 30 miles from my house and that's where he is staying) but the only reason is that I have an appointment about 2 miles from her house anyhow at 4 pm. Otherwise I would not do this at this point. But I will not have to see him, he is at work and I will just drop them on the front porch and be gone.
But, did I do the right thing by putting him off a little like that? Did I do the right thing not committing but saying I would try to do it for him and telling him I was having a good day, without him?
Editing to add this: I DID do something for me yesterday and it felt sooOoooo good! I went and got a haircut LOL! Man that felt so nice for a change! AND I made plans for this Saturday to go to my high school reunion with a couple of my high school friends that I have reconnected with AND I made plans for next friday to go out to a movie with a bunch of my friends too. So I made a little bit of a life for me...that was really good in my opinion!! I'm glad I did it, cause I haven't cried since I did and I am feeling a little good about myself at this point. So, maybe it is helping me.
I'm going to give my experience as to what worked on me and got my attention. I was the cheater in my marriage by the way. I was full into an affair and "in love".
My wife exposed to everyone. Her family, my family, our friends not the kids though). This didn't immediately stop me but it blew the fantasy off our affair and started me thinking about things that I hadn't really considered, like my kids.
After some initial pursuing, she stopped. She even handed me the cleaning supplies I needed so I could move into one of our rentals. She agreed that this OW was probably my soulmate and dropped the rope. Reality was beginning to set in.
At this point, OW and I decided the affair was wrong, and would hurt innocent children so we broke it off. It was very diificult. I felt like my life and dreams were ending. My grieving process lasted about as long as the affair, which was short as my wife found out fairly early.
I've read that the grieving process lasts about as long as the affair lasts, so you can see the importance of busting the affair as early as possible.
Some things she did to get my feelings back for her - First, she dropped the rope. I wasn't as important as I thought I was. This was a blow to my ego and surprised me.
She didn't wallow in front of me or the kids. Any pain she felt, she did it in private. Once again, a blow to my ego.
She didn't drop the ball with the kids, or her job.
She went out and got some things done. New hairstyle, straightened her hair. New (sexy but classy) wardrobe, shoes, nails done, make up, etc. She was hot, confident and she showed it by her actions and attitude.
She started getting made up and going out on her own. Not recommendibg it, but going dancing, clubbing, some drinking. More wild. She took control of herself and the situation.
Thanks Tulsa for the insight! I appreciate that. I am trying to do some of those things and I am learning to do them. I'm having a hard time with the drop the rope thing cause we are in the middle of a ch13 bankruptcy and he is giving me money every friday as well to help me out...so I'm trying to be dim but not dark. And I'm getting it wrong. I keep getting told things I ahve done wrong and learning from that then not doing it again.
I am going out a getting a life, which I know kind of shocks him cause he tells our D21 that and she has to tell me cause I'm mama and she want to share with me.
Please keep offering advice everyone! I really need the help with this. I am determined to fight for my M the best way I can and I'm using all the advice I get!!
Get your OWN CLOTHES. I refuse to play housemaid to a man who lies and cheats on his family. You are destroying an entire household and you want me to bring you clothes for jury duty?
NO
HANG UP
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THAT 67 is how you deal with addicts
You tell them NO Again, and AGAIN and AGAIN
And you EXIT the conversation, becuase anything they say or do after they hear no will NOT be of any use to you and will jsut make you miserable
