My wife found me posting on here and was pissed for some reason. I just set up a new email and entered in a new account for DB. She thought everything I was doing and or changing was an "act" and said " those people on the internet were telling me what to do". In reality trying to change yourself takes time, it may not be or sound authentic or first, but you have to fake it till you make it. DB helped me to find myself again. It had very little to do with her. In the end, she believed the changes and she came back to experience them. In fact she changed very much as well during our 7 month seperation.
We are as different as 2 people can get, but we learned true and lasting love has nothing to do with that. It is all about connecting at the right place. And yep, 6 weeks into reconcilling, we are stronger, more committed and loving each other more than we ever have in 15 years. It does happen.
That's one thing I never have to worry about, if she came here that means that she would be admitting that she's not perfect, has reservations about her decision nope not my WAW she is going full speed ahead as fast as she can, as she posed on FB No Regrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Well, I'll tell you one thing. It's nice to see that your friends will have your back if it happens to you.
I have been very careful to avoid her finding this site, but not very careful about my profile info or my posts. I have never made any reference to geting outside help, but she knows I'm a researcher so I'm sure she knows I'm reading. If she ever suspected, she'd sniff this place out in short order. She's wicked smart (one of the things that I find attractive in her)
Maybe time to get a few more kids and move to Wisconsin. I have a good friend there anyway.
A major feature of this place is the ability to be totally honest and open. (Also to vent the pressure so you don't accidentally submarine yourself in person) I can't see ANY advantages of her infiltrating the line.
Cheers.
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
One of the things you can do is change IMpertinent information, so as to throw them off the scent, but not in any meaningful way as it relates to getting good, on-target advice.
For example, if you were: Me: 45 W: 42 S13 & S8 Married 15yrs Together 18yrs
It really wouldn't change much, but it would help "hide" you.
Also:
- don't pick a username that easily identifies you, such as one that uses your real name, or includes a hobby or your location in it (ex. "John in AL" or "FishingGuy40").
- feel free to add an extra kid in there in your footer, LOL. If you have two sons, add a daughter. If you have 3 daughters, add a son.
- If you can, specifically throw out false information in your INITIAL POST. Anyone snooping for you here is going to look for that first post. Throwing in some false geographies, an extra kid, or a different (but related enough so as to get good advice) career can throw off a snooper!
- for god's sakes, do NOT use your spouse's or your kids' real names!!! You'd think this goes without saying, but some folks still do it, esp. if they're also posting in the alt. THIS IS AN OPEN, PUBLIC MESSAGE FORUM, and your spouse can simply Google your name, your kids' names, and maybe the word "divorce" and you'd be shocked at how often one of the first few returns you get are LINKS TO YOUR POSTS HERE!
If you do some of THESE things, you can then be more open about the relationship stuff, the convo details, etc. -- the PERTINENT stuff -- so as to get good, on-base advice.
One of the things you can do is change IMpertinent information, so as to throw them off the scent, but not in any meaningful way as it relates to getting good, on-target advice.
For example, if you were: Me: 45 W: 42 S13 & S8 Married 15yrs Together 18yrs
It really wouldn't change much, but it would help "hide" you.
Also:
- don't pick a username that easily identifies you, such as one that uses your real name, or includes a hobby or your location in it (ex. "John in AL" or "FishingGuy40").
- feel free to add an extra kid in there in your footer, LOL. If you have two sons, add a daughter. If you have 3 daughters, add a son.
- If you can, specifically throw out false information in your INITIAL POST. Anyone snooping for you here is going to look for that first post. Throwing in some false geographies, an extra kid, or a different (but related enough so as to get good advice) career can throw off a snooper!
- for god's sakes, do NOT use your spouse's or your kids' real names!!! You'd think this goes without saying, but some folks still do it, esp. if they're also posting in the alt. THIS IS AN OPEN, PUBLIC MESSAGE FORUM, and your spouse can simply Google your name, your kids' names, and maybe the word "divorce" and you'd be shocked at how often one of the first few returns you get are LINKS TO YOUR POSTS HERE!
If you do some of THESE things, you can then be more open about the relationship stuff, the convo details, etc. -- the PERTINENT stuff -- so as to get good, on-base advice.
Puppy
Every Newbie should read this before they ever decide to start posting.
Pup, you get the first ever 4 Shades salute
If you wanna be like James Bond, you gotta think like a double-not spy!
ADAPT. OVERCOME. IMPROVISE. -Tom Highway
Me: 43 W: 40 S12 & S9 Married 17yrs Together 20yrs
