Really just looking for some moral support at the moment, as today was a really bad day. H has been out of the house for months, kids are confused by presence of OW when they visit his place and one of them (8yo D) is on edge and was constantly ready to burst into tears today. I'm GALing, staying dim and focusing on myself and children, but today had me nearly ready to call a crisis hotline.
Any help or words of wisdom at this point are desperately welcome.
i am not sure what to say as my day was busy but my evening was emotional. What has helped me is reading about others. It gives me inspiration and helps me refocus my bad energy. Sometimes I also try to think about something that is worse and it puts things in perspective most of the time. Hang in there. Reach out and take care of you! Your D needs you. Try to do something to make both of you feel better. Like watching a good (funny) movie.
irish_love __________________________ M 36 H 38 M 14/T 18 4 kids EA Bomb 03/2008 ILYBNILWY 06/2007 & 11/2007 H moving out 5/2008
I completely agree with Irish Love's advice because it REALLY DOES HELP. ALL OF IT! No joke- I honestly do the exact same things and it gets me through the darkest days!
and you can also do something totally spur of the moment like put your kids in PJs, hop in the car and go to Dairy Queen! They will remember it FOREVER!
Tomorrow will be better.
(((HUGS)))
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Thank you, Irish_love ... just really needed to talk with someone tonight (kids now in bed and I'm alone). It's one thing to deal with my own hurt -- I can handle it -- but it kills me to see when the kids are feeling so messed up. We did end up watching some funny shows tonight and having lots of laughs at bedtime, but I'm venting on my own right now (can't do it in front of children, after all, right?)
Like I said, bad day. Tomorrow I'll hope (and try) for better.
And you're right, it's so helpful to read what others are going through. I don't wish this pain on anybody, but at least there's a place here where we can share it and hold each other up.
I completely understand. It's hard staying strong for the kids. I have struggled with that a lot recently. I just try real hard to distract my thoughts. And on the days it really doesn't work, I find a way to distract them. At least until I can focus. Sometimes you need those moments to let it out.
Nights are difficult too. Especially since sometimes I think about how he can choose when and if to be alone and I don't have a say. It's those times especially I read. I have many books or I read here. I don't wish this on anyone. But I have to say I am thankful there is somewhere I can go to find comfort and support. Cheers to a brighter day tomorrow. One day at a time in deed!
irish_love __________________________ M 36 H 38 M 14/T 18 4 kids EA Bomb 03/2008 ILYBNILWY 06/2007 & 11/2007 H moving out 5/2008
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you. My evening was pretty crappy, too. I hope, though, that tomorrow is a much better day for you. I do understand how you feel. My H has been out for almost 3 months now, and though his OW appears to be out of the picture now, it still has not brought him back home. My oldest D is 9 and has a hard time dealing with all this, I think. There are days she is good and then there are other days that she is downright defiant and also crying at the drop of the hat. I feel so bad for her. My youngest is 2 1/2 and because she is so young obviously doesn't know or understand anything, but I think finally in the last few weeks or so that her tiny little mind has really realized that he is not here. When she sees him she just lights up and when he goes to leave she won't let go of him and just cries for him. It is the most heartbreaking thing I deal with. I don't know how he can stand it.
Just try to keep focusing on yourself and the kids and as everyone else said, "one day at a time." Hard to do, believe me I know.
Thanks again Irish_love and Momto3girls0928 ... hoping for a better day today. I'm sure you both have experienced those moments, too, where you just feel like you're going to snap because it's all too much and you and the kids are all at rock bottom emotionally at the same time. So far so good, though: I've never actually reached that snapping point, and I always have a good attitude with my kids.
Ugh about the nights, Irish_love ... know what you mean. I just can't sleep much at all but I try to get some rest, so I just lie there or sit in the recliner in the spare bedroom.
Momto3girls0928, I'm so sorry for the heartbreak your H is putting you and kids through as well. I don't understand how a father can do that to his children in any good conscience.
Anyway, off to work now. Thanks for all the kind words, and I hope you both have better days today too. It really means a lot to have so many virtual shoulders to cry on occasionally.
Today ended up being strange for me in some way: I feel like I reached a breaking point yesterday. Not personally ... I never did snap or "lose it" (though I came close). But today I feel ... nothing, at least not as H is concerned.
I don't want to talk with him, don't want to see him, don't want to discuss 'what to do next' problems with him at this point. I feel like I'm done with trying to communicate with this stranger I once knew so well. I'm ready to do my thing and let him do whatever the hell he wants to do to bleep up his life. Is this a good thing? I suppose you could argue this is achieving true detachment ... because that's really how I feel right now. Completely, utterly detached.
