I know how hard this has been for you. You are doing the best you can by your boys. You are not the one that moved them away and fortunately, at least part of you realized she is playing games. As long as she's doing that it doesn't matter what you do she will try to counter in a punishing way. Good for your Lawyer.
Ok, so it took you 9 years of training, did she really have no clue about this? There are certain careers in life that I have always taught my D's are really more about "calling". Dr. is one of them.
If you choose to marry someone that has a calling, you give up alot. I've known that since I was a kid (was taught the same lessons by my Mom).
You are fighting for your kids and doing your best to be a great Dad. Don't you be disappointed in that.
As far as social skills go...I can't say mine were in great shape. Be the friend you would want to have. If you have time there are groups on the web strictly for getting together with people that have similar interests in groups. Good way to build skills.
Hey Doc- Congrats on passing the boards-quite an accomplishment!
Everyone's situation here is similar yet different..you will fnd your own way through-one way or another!
I took a 10-week course I found through this google search- rebuilding seminars...check it out and see if there is a course offered near you. It can be life-changing...and the people you meet will become a wonderful support group of friends going through similar situations...
I'm not on here much anymore as the divorce is pretty much final. I'm no longer 'standing' for this marriage, my ex-H is still spewing anger my direction...
I'm in a good place mentally and looking forward on to happier days.
I wish you and your boys only the best-a much happier, more peaceful and more hopeful future! There is light at the end of the tunnel!
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
yes-- she was a nurse and was with me in medical school so she knew somewhat-- but I will admit it was really hard. and I didn't do well with all of it. I thought we were both with our heads down getting through... so there was a lot that I could have done-- but in the end she wanted to run, rather than try and keep the unit together. and I can't do a damn thing about that. but what really pisses me off is that she is playing games with the boys and they are suffering because of it. she still says, 'daddy is working hard'. they know though.
so yea she knew but I don't think either one of us knew how hard it would really BE
what is it called, "rebuilding your life" or something like that?
that's what I need!
and thank you on the congratulations. I have no idea how I did it. we have to sit in a hotel room in chicago and get grilled by usually someone who's name is on a textbook about heart and lung surgery stuff. its crazy. I was sure I failed actually-- so i was really surprised and happy to get the letter in the mail (yes its still a letter). pretty cool. and really good because it helped me solidify my job here for now.. which is one less thing to worry about. now I can focus on getting my boys.
I am so happy to hear that you are moving on and things are getting better for you.
and thank you SO MUCH for your good wishes for me and the boys. PEACE... that is a concept. I wish for that... for those little dudes too.
You know we've been thru the war together man and I SOOOOOO happy to see you back. Your focus as you have admitted to should now be YOU and your kids.
Look man, our W's are gone. They are so freaking lost right now. We cannot help them. We made mistakes...we did..NOW we must learn from those mistake and make the changes in us that WE need to make. NOW IS OUR TIME. It is OUR LIFE. It is my friend what we make of it.
No bull this time...what do you want man.. I know you want those kids. Work towards that, do the right thing by them. If you do what is right it will NEVER be wrong. Being the best dad you can be is ALWAYS RIGHT. ALWAYS. Your W may not understand, your friends may not understand, other doctors may not understand, F it - some on these boards may not understand. Your kids though WILL and that is all that matters.
Now that you are back, you need to really focus on your healing man. You need to really live the life that you wanted to live. Am I saying that your W may never wake the F up. NO. What I am saying is that when you find your happiness, when you find your stride, when you find your place in this freaking world YOU and ONLY YOU will decide what your future holds. If your W comes back you will be in a much better place emotionally to deal with her. First though...and here is the hard part...you need to deal with your issues. You need to sort thru the guilt of your role in the break up of the M. You need to own it, you need to feel it and you need to remember it. Why remember...very simple so that YOU do not do the same thing again. So that you carve out and throw out the behaviors, the actions that lead you to this point.
Brad - one of the hardest things that I have had to do (and FTR - have not perfected yet) is to forgive. Forgive..my friend..not only your W but forgive yourself. I know you feel the loss of your W. Hell I still feel the loss of mine. This feeling must NOT cloud your actions, it must not cloud your thinking about the kids. Separate the kids from your W. They are two different R's.
Finally, I love ya dude.. we've held each other up on more days that I can choose to remember. We've gone thru the anger, the hurt, the disappointment, the feelings of abandonment. We have gone thru a ton of emotions. GUESS WHAT.........??????
Now the real hard work begins!
Glad your back dude!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Ah, the nurse that wanted the Dr. Wait, that was a soap in my family.
None of us really know how hard anything will be until we are in it. Gee, this sounds alot like where I am now It's always a question of what it's worth to you. Sometimes, just not enough. <sigh>
What I am recently trying to figure out is, "what is wrong with me."
Is there something wrong with you?
Because you don't have friends?
A friendship is a relationship and those do not just happen because you pull someone off the street and say "You're going to be my friend!" OR even better try that with a woman and tell her she's going to be your new girlfriend.
Like any realtionship it happens slowly and one day you realize you know their number by heart, and you look forward to seeing them again.
Hell one of my better friends and mentors...I thought was a closet ax murder...just based on appearances and I DID not want to sit at his table for a very uppity uppity New York social event I had to cover.
I have some of the best sotries of my life in New York City because of my friendship with Bob.
I am saying you just never know.
The down and dirty guide to meeting people.
Talk to stangers, you're old enough now to know bette than to get into a van because someone says they have a bike for you, so as an adult certain rules no longer apply, talk to strangers and stretch your insecurities and boundaries.
You see a person reading a BOOK you read or liked? Talk to them about it....WARNING...give away the ending and you might piss them off. Always a good idea to ask how far they are before discussing plot.
See a person doing something you like doing? Or are thinking of doing? Me? For instance remote controled ships that shoot bb's at each other and try to sink each other... I see a some guys doing that, I'm buying them lunch and I'm not going home until they shoo me away. (My example is a bit overboard, but more because it is soo cool)
Book store, Hobby store,park and you want a decent secret...
Lean to dance at a class. Ballroom, tango...you name it.
MORE women attend than guys, normally. Nice way to mee a lady...and one that can dance.
Going back to "what is wrong with Bradley?"
What do you really not like in others?
Deep down what is it?
Chances are you fear that most in yourself.
Last edited by Jack_Three_Beans; 06/29/1004:09 PM. Reason: because there is NO such word as: FIRENDS..well MAYBE there is...but not in the context I used it.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It's always a question of what it's worth to you. Sometimes, just not enough. <sigh>