I just filed for a D not long ago. I moved all the money from our joint account except $5k before I filed. My W chided at her "allowance" she called it.
She works full time and stopped paying any of our bills and must have started a new account since her work check deposits stopped too. That's when my L said take the rest. I took the $5K and left $10. She never said a word. Never fussed or chided. She was mad that I left her $5K but not a word when I left her nothing.
She still makes money and her car, insurance (life home, auto), etc is paid for by me. I have all the mortgage and bills but I am dipping into our marital funds to pay for her share.
Long story short. They want to walk away, tell them to get big girl panties on because you have ALREADY moved the money. Protect yourself and your twins. I did (and have twins too).
Don't tip her off. Just do it. She holds most of the cards. The bank account and filing for D are just a few you hold.
Last edited by Chuck66; 08/12/1001:23 AM.
Me 44, W 39, S 6, D 6, M 21 Bomb June 18, 2010 I filed D July 20, 2010 W filed counter suit Aug 2 Rings came off Aug 5, 2010
Well, so far that one boundary she's not broken, in fact, I think only reason she's still here. She knows I feel VERY strongly about this, but how do I keep her from breaking it, short of pulling all our savings into my own account.
By letting her know what the consequences are if she does.
Hey guys... finally caught up to this thread. Hang in there LNH..
I too have my anxiety attacks in the morning (30 minutes before my alarm goes off). Its like the subconcious doing an auto takeover and throwing me out of wack cause my hope was depleted throughout the night. I can sleep fine as I've built up a good dosage of control/hope/positive-signs throughout the day to get me to sleep. But then I have to restart it all over the next.
Yes, its been nearly 1.5 months for my bomb (WAW in EA), and my concentration at work has gone down dramatically. I read this site all day to find tips and signs of hope and insipration.
Bomb: 6/17 Me: H - W w/EA - M: 12y - 3 young kids Ex W to MIL, her bro, 2 of her gf, sister - 6/23 (2 more gf - 9/9) Ex OM, to S.Sergeant 8/10; to Inspector Gen. & his CO 8/16; Lt. Commander 9/16
I too have my anxiety attacks in the morning (30 minutes before my alarm goes off). Its like the subconcious doing an auto takeover and throwing me out of wack cause my hope was depleted throughout the night. I can sleep fine as I've built up a good dosage of control/hope/positive-signs throughout the day to get me to sleep. But then I have to restart it all over the next.
Thats me, exactly, about an hour before tho, and used to happen even before all this. Took an extra klonopin today, feel good atm
Also had IC today, seems we rehash a lot of the same issues, but I guess thats because I've not learned some things yet. Hard to change some things Ive been in habit of doing for all my life.
Also just want to say another 'thanks' to all those that have chimed in my sitch. Ive not done much of the same for other, but I will, frankly need to get my act together before I can help others.
Me 44 H 39 Met in 1998 Married in 2004 D 5, twins Bomb - May 16th, 2010
"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
Another day, nothing new really to report. Just trying to get by day by day. W been busy with school work. I've been busy as heck with work. Usually work is my distraction, but still hard to focus.
W and I took girls to Wendy's for lunch today, their favorite place to eat, typical 5 year olds. I don't know if this is good or bad, but just seems when we all get together we all have a good time. W even seems less agitated, we have friendly convo, mostly about her school work, the girls, them starting Kindergarten this year.
I 'think' (at least I keep repeating that over and over in my head) I'm at the point now where I refuse to talk about R, (unless she wants to talk reconciliation) her getting a car, her apartment. Next time she asks about her getting a car, think I will just take PDT's advice, tell her to go look them, when she finds something she like, I will look at and negotiate the deal. When she finally looks for apartment, not sure I want to have anything to do with it. The only thing is I know the areas around here much better than she does, so I wonder if I should at least let her know if its not a good area of town, especially since my girls would be staying there.
Have some friends in town, invited to go out to dinner with them, I'm just so exhausted, but going to try to go.
Me 44 H 39 Met in 1998 Married in 2004 D 5, twins Bomb - May 16th, 2010
"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
Hope you have a great dinner. You SHOULD have a say in where your daughters stay. If W doesn't knpw the area, it IS YOUR responsibility to make sure your D's are safe.
I didn't go to dinner, I was just too exhausted. Instead my girls sat in my room with me a watched a couple of movie while my W slept.
Saturday, I did yard work most of the morning, lately I notice my W does not do much when it comes to maintenance of the house. Things she used to take care of she no longer does. One thing I did was cut the hedges, and I cut them really short. First thing she said when she pulled in from the store was how bad they looked, my first thought was 'why do you care, you plan on leaving'. I just told her they needed it and will grow back nicely now.
I relaxed, played with the girls the rest of the day.
Sunday I took the girls to my parents for a day at the pool, my sister's where there. It was a nice time. My girls always ask 'why didn't mommy come', I just told them she had school work to do. And she did, but thats not why she didn't come.
Getting ready to face another day, morning are alway hard for me, especially Mondays. Trying to regain focus, got a good start so far.
On a side note, Im not sure why, as much as I can't find any evidence of OM, I just get overwhelming feeling there is, just little things that happen give me that sick to your stomach feeling. Just seems like some days all this doesn't make sense unless she has 'interest' elsewhere.
The hurt is so overwhelming sometimes, but trying to not think about it.
Me 44 H 39 Met in 1998 Married in 2004 D 5, twins Bomb - May 16th, 2010
"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
I just realized, its been 3 months now since my W dropped the bomb and sleeping in the couch ever since. I sometimes feel bad she sleeps on the couch all the time. I've offered to trade with her occasionally, but she won't. She says she knows because I have a bad back. Even when I went to trade show for 3 nites, she still slept on the couch, but she always did when I left town, said was scared to sleep in our room by herself -
3 months ago she was ready to move right away too, 3 months and she's still here. Only thing I can make of it was something I read here early on, WAS tend to move very slowly ...
Funny thing is, 3 months ago she was ready to sign short term 3 month lease to move out, and I objected, for several reasons. As I look back I wonder if i'd been better off to let he do so then.
Me 44 H 39 Met in 1998 Married in 2004 D 5, twins Bomb - May 16th, 2010
"Don't let Tomorrow or Yesterday get in the way of Today"
At this point, for me at least, I think the separation can only help. It is really the only way she is going to miss you and understand that things are really NOT wonderful without you. Right now my W just wants me out and I want out. Going to split our stuff up on Wednesday.
