thought I'd get a new place for the new year. trying to keep the focus on the possitive and the progress vs. wallowing in the negative.
I'll have to take some time and set some new goals for this new year.
all in all things are going very well. seems like h is here to stay and I assume the appartment will be going soon. (not that he uses it much anyway..actually yesterday he could have gone there to take his nap after the storm but came here instead!! )
we are making progress, will there be an occassional outburst and backslide, of that you can be sure.
I am looking forward to this new year and plan to make the best of it. lot's of new things in sight for me when I finally quit being afraid and go after them.
the winter gets me down, especially being a stay at home mom of two little ones, the spring isn't all that far off and then I will be able to breath again.
Quoting lostlove: I am looking forward to this new year and plan to make the best of it. lot's of new things in sight for me when I finally quit being afraid and go after them.
It always takes lots of courage to make changes and challenge oneself. I admire your courage and am glad things are going well. Keep up the good job to help your H come home and stay happily married. Hey, he is home already, isn't he?
It is always a great feeling to see loved one belonging to each other.
yes chuck, you are right to point that out, h is home, every night without fail (well except for if it's snowing and he's out plowing)
guess I am still stuck on waiting for some grand gesture from him, like a new marriage proposal or something! the sappy romantic in me..gee wasn't it grand enough that he woke up to reality and came home to his family???
LL who is thinking of some goals to write up so ya'll can remind me of what I should be focussing on when I get in a mood. (and any of you that have read me long enough know that is sure to happen from time to time!! )
hey 27, no secret, just let go, take care of you, make yourself a better person and leave the rest up to the guy in the sky!! accept that whatever happens happens and you will be ok regardless!!
Quoting lostlove: no secret, just let go, take care of you, make yourself a better person and leave the rest up to the guy in the sky!!accept that whatever happens happens and you will be ok regardless!!
Trying to get there LL. I'm ready. A door on my heart closed today after H was a complete idiot on phone last night. That "angry guy" showed his true colors, and I do not like that man.
Why do I even want this man in my life anymore? Ready to move forward without him. Maybe one day he'll come back my way, but I am not waiting.
Happy New Year!
mal Rebuilding me in 03!!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Let's hear it for the refresh button at the end of the year!
LL you are so cool -- put them rules down one- two- three. I am so happy you are renewing things with your H. Good work, grrrlll!
I really relate to wanting a romantic ceremony, new vows. Sounds like we are at similar places. My H is also home and seems happy. What next?
"I want more R talk."
But I do not talk about the R. Taboo subject. Amazingly, however, now that I'm silent on the subject, he's beginning to talk about "us." He reminisces a little, looks forward a little, cuddles "his grrrlll."
"I want to have another wedding ceremony."
The old me would be bitter by now that he hasn't "read my mind" and asked me to marry him again. The new me doesn't demand any particular words, but lets him re-connect "in his own way."
"I want him to shut down his other place for good."
I do not like him maintaining that apartment. But I will not talk about his other place with him. Taboo subject. Bite your lip, Bridget.
Old me would have: dramatized my pain over him moving there, made subtle digs about how it's a financial drain, pushed him to close it down in a symbolic gesture (stake thru heart of OW)
New me will: let him re-frame his "bachelor pad" as an "office space," will (gulp) drop by there when he asks me to come over so he can show me something he's working on, will see his gesture as HIM putting stake thru heart of his "other life apart"
"What goals next?"
-- Find peace with what happened to us/accept reality (including H being MALE with all the trappings)
-- Fit myself squarely in the picture (meet my own true needs, I get to play, I get some toys, I can have online friends, I can be fit, I can fit in)
-- See happiness (lighten up)/talk back to the distorted negative (no more catastrophizing mindreading dire predictions blaming labelling shoulds perfectionism)
-- Learn to play kick-ass guitar
Let's keep checking in to see "what actions" we come up with, eh?
Hey, LL - love your new digs. Glad that H has found his way back home - hopefully to stay!
You and the other ladies on the Piecing board (Hoping (Sue), Tielbeagle (Lisa), Lily and too many others to mention) are an inspiration to us poor guys who struggle to get a clue concerning our relationships with our W's! Looking forward to what 2003 brings for all of us!
Please feel good about the fact he's with you. Romantic gestures are tough for guys....well not me, but I'm atypical. Again, cut him some slack and go easy on him. My sense is he realized what he was close to throwing away and probably needs to come to terms with some guilt for putting you through it. You've shown him you'd be OK with or w/o him so don't put in additional pressure on him!
Quote: You've shown him you'd be OK with or w/o him so don't put in additional pressure on him!
hey jim, thanks for stopping by.
you are certainly right about that. one of the things he said he feared about comming back is that I was doing ok without him, sure it took me a few months but I was ok. (way to act as if) even said to his mother "what if she doesn't like me" huh?
I know I need to lay off waiting for some grand gesture and learn to appreciate the small stuff, cause hey after all before he left it was the small stuff that I was looking for.
