Still no update on the D papers from wife. However, some really important observations regarding my Daughter 1.
Currently right now myself and WAW have visitation with our DD1 through my WAW's wife and My Sister, also there is a foster Mother involved in this.
My Sister or WAW's boss pickup DD1 from Foster mom and then bring her back to each of our respective residences to spend time. My DD1 I feel is having a very tough time of this because whenever my Sister picks up DD1 she is so SAD/Depressed because she had to Leave her MOM.
Then When DD1 has to leave from my visit, she is So depressed/SAD leaving me, crying and reaching out. I would probably imagine that DD1 is getting Attached to Foster Mom and likely is also sad when leaving her.
There has to be some sort of solution to prevent this torture of being bounced around to 4 diffrent people. My Sister still hasn't heard from CPS as our worker is not returning calls. The Plan moving forward is that DD1 will stay with my sister until we complete our classes.
I have made calls to the CPS worker, and she has not returned them either which is horrible.
I am just wondering how this can be good for my daughter to be attached/pulled away from so many adults/caregivers it really sickens me to see her cry and get sad. My sister is very willing to let WAW come to her house for visits just to cut some of the people out of the mix such as foster mom, WAW's boss etc...
I doubt WAW will go for this as finally I guess I agree with the bouncing around thing. She wanted DD in foster care for this very reason, but it is making a bit of sense, tho I know it is bad for a child to be there.
She still hasnt served Divorce Papers, and well I am wondering if some sort of mediation is possible, because the cost of a FULL CUSTODY divorce trial is going to bankrupt us both practically.
If any one has any comments or advice or can point things out here to me please do, as these new observations regarding my daughter are really hurting me.
Me 36 WAW 29 DD1 14 months
Together 2 1/2 years Married 1 year
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
No of course not. I am just extremely worried about DD1 getting depressed and sad because when it is time for Mom or Dad to go it hurts her and she cries.
Just the fact in poor little mind it feels like she has 3 mommies and 1 daddy and is confusing to her, its not that I agree with foster care at all, it is the bouncing around to 3 diffrent homes.
My Bro in law today said he feels I need to go for full custody, because he would be worried since she doesnt make much money and has alot of issues she would likely have to find a man for support, and no telling what she would attract with her issues. He said he would fear for DD1.
Its a valid observation but I am still hoping for reconciliation as well. The Lawyer stuff and the money for the D is also a big concern, as full custody could run a good 10-20k if she fights it. I know she doesnt have the $$ I think I could borrow alot of it from my sister, but I also wonder that if this court case will kill any possibilty of us reconciling.
On another front, I have been GAL'ng and got a couple of phone numbers of some cute females so that really helps my confidence etc.. Also, all bills are caught up, and plans for fixing things keep trucking along.
I do still think about her a awful lot, because my friends and family talk about it. I feel like just saying I dont want to talk about it, because they all think I should not want to make it work.
Seeing how it is affecting my child, makes me feel extremely bad for my part in all this. I know down deep if she could talk she would prob ask why cant my mom and dad be there for me together.
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
but I also wonder that if this court case will kill any possibilty of us reconciling.
Your first priorities are to protect yourself and your family.
That is your job DAD. She's willing to abandon your D to foster care, and doing that because you hope it will change her mind on Divorce is ridiculous. Appeasment never works.
Protect your family.
Quote:
On another front, I have been GAL'ng and got a couple of phone numbers of some cute females so that really helps my confidence etc
I'm not a big fan of rebound Relationships: they are a way to simply boost your ego at the expense of others and to avoid doing the tough work of improving yourself, IMHO.
I say focus on saving your family. Your W can do as she wishes, but you need to step up for your kids.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/07/1002:02 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Having a relationship with another woman is not part of the divorce busting program. It will complicate your situation and compromise your morals. You want to come out of this knowing that you conducted yourself with honor.
Sure, getting the foster out of the picture might help. But the reality is that your children will cry when they go see mom after the divorce is final. The frequency may vary, but it happens to all divorced parents... it's just part of the territory.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
On the custody question... divorce is like a big game of "chicken". You just need to <act> like you are going "all the way" to trial unless you get your way.
You come out and demand full custody. Be emphatic. Make her believe you will accept nothing less. Then her lawyer will tell her "either give him full custody, or fork over a $20K retainer". Will she really pay the money? I doubt it. She will roll.
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
Tech guy I really appreciate the information. Also checked your thread and noticed you seem to be doing well Post D.
The thing that really gets me about the full custody is will this kill any reconciliation attempts. The reconcilation is obviously something deep in my mind or I would not be trying to DB. On dating other women? Well just socialize a bit.
I know deep in my heart that I am probably better for DD1, due to having a home, good income, lots of immediate family near me. But on the other hand I know she is a good mom when she has stability as she did here with me. She didnt have to work for 1year and was able to focus on DD1.
Now that she is working, I think it will be very hard on her unless she hooks up with a guy, which I think she has for support.
What do you think of the effect of filing full D (bluffing or not) vs No reconciliation???
I am extremely confused on doing what is best for ALL of us. As I know even MWD mentions that sometimes a court case or Lawyers can push salvageable marriages straight into divorce.
1 interesting POV i received from a friend was this. Go for FULL custody - WIN - and basically mandate to her or through the court that If you do not get help, stop the violence etc.. Then I will demand supervised visitation.
Like scaring her into getting help, and showing her that life will move on for me and DD1. That she will see what she is missing and come back and get help.
I dont know at this point if thats possible, but she did Walk away once before and I thought she was gone for good. I basically just went dark and she came back and suprised the HELL out of me, because I had wrote her off. We were not married at this time.
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
