180'n the MLC

[punkin]

I'm not usually dense about the abbreviations, but what does LBS stand for?

[lalxx]

I had that problem too for ages - hence I still do longhand most of the time - LBS means Left Behind Spouse .....not exactly sexy is it but it covers wives/husbands and does what it says on the tin!!

lalxx

[punkin]

Thank you lalxx! I suppose it beats DW for dumped wife.

I know he has to think of me, he can't just STOP after 20 years and turn me off like a lightbulb. I just need to hear it sometimes to remind myself that he's hurting too. He's doing a marvelous job covering it up, apparently.

No harm, no foul, I get the humor of your statement. You must be a sports fan.

Thanks for the quick answer.

[lalxx]

punkin
It has been one of the most difficult things for me to accept that my husband can turn his back on our marriage and give the impression he no longer cares for me or the life we had built up for our children.

I look into my husband's eyes and they are dead and lifeless not the blue twinkly things they used to be. His skin is sallow and sweaty and he smells differently too.

In my head I put him in a nice Institution for the insane when I think about him - frail and lost and having no real choice about where he is emtonally most of the time. A bit like a war veteran from 1917 in a cheesy black and white movie - it's the only way I cope with how he is sometimes.

Not really a big sports fan but with no husband here and the start of world cup fever in the UK who else will sit and watch the matches with my 11 year old son - all part of my taking myself out of my comfort zone strategy (what is the offside rule again son??)

((hugs))

lalxx

[punkin]

lalxx,
I praise you for your commitment to your children. Watching sports with him when you have no real interest in it shows your dedication.

My children are all grown and gone, unless I'm babysitting a grand, I'm alone. I can remember being a single mom and wishing they would go somewhere and leave me alone at times, but now, I'd welcome the company.

You are right about the eyes. It's like looking at someone else inhabiting your husband's body. I haven't seen mine in 2 months. I can't stand the anger and hate that pours out of them when he looks at me, even though I know it's really guilt.

[lalxx]

punkin, it is 1.37 in the morning here and i have my son's cricket match to go to in 9 hours (yup all part of that learning curve!!) so I'll be heading off to the land of nod soon BUT I cannot go without asking you this one....quite direct....question.......

What are you doing for YOU right now, this weekend??? How are you building a life for you that you are proud of and healing the hurt so that your husband doesn't cast a long dark shadow into your future??

2 months to you is goodness knows what in the MLC timescale - their timeline works on a different scale to ours in real life I have to say! Without exception everyone on these boards says we LBS have to learn patience by the bucketload - hard but that's they way it is.

Grandma's a gifts from God - my 2 children adore their Grandmas and my daughter is always telling me that my brownies aren't as good as Grandma's ones....

((hugs))

lalxx

[punkin]

Thanks. I'm doing the very best I can, as I'm sure you are. Have a peaceful night.

[seeking answers]

Hey Punkin,

I had some trouble with the abbreviations, too. If you go to the Newcomers Forum and click on that the second board down is a list of all the abbreviations.

Hang in there and keep posting. It does get easier.

[punkin]

Sundays are just bad for me. Everyone has their family things to do together. Usually, my WH would be here and we'd do yard work or go fishing together. We loved to take Sunday afternoon naps. I know I shouldn't even dwell on these things, but, as I said, Sundays are tough. Not going to church this morning. I didn't sleep very well last night.

Tomorrow is another workday, so I'll be busy and occupied. I think it's partly the realization that we haven't spoken in 4 weeks that is bothering me. I know that is a drop in the bucket. I've waited patiently for him through 18 month deployments, but never silent this long. I just miss his dumb a@@.

[peacetoday]

P
Weekends are hard for many of us especially in the beginning
try to just take care of yourself
time passes quickly and we heal
eat sleep and try to find things you enjoy
it gets easier
peace