Wifey gone wild?

[The Wifey]

I just returned from a vacation in Key West. I let my hair down and more while I was there. I had men telling me I was smoking hot and wanting to dance with me. And I did dance. Every single night my girlfriend and I closed out Sloppy Joe's dancing our butts off. How many people lose 5 pounds on vacation?

Don't worry, I was DD every night. I had 2-3 drinks and then switched to diet soda the rest of the night. (I have way more fun knowing I will get home safe & so will my friends.)

When I came home reality slapped me in the face. Not much has changed with my H. Last night was a melt down. H loves me but says our collective experiences have made us 2 independent people and I should focus on what we have rather than what we don't.

Also said it is day by day and he doesn't know how long it will take for him to feel any different - if ever.

Sure. I should focus on what we have. But I also want someone to light up when I walk in the room. I want someone to put their arms around me and pull me close. I want to be made love to. I want someone to say they miss me when I am not there. (H did not.)

H is drinking nearly every night. I think he does it to feel numb. And when I am around him I am taking a pill for anxiety. I just don't think this is healthy for me. I lost a lot of hope last night.

[The Wifey]

So tempted to send:

Dear H,

I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I looked into your eyes last night and felt myself losing hope. You made your mind up about us and it hasn't changed.

This isn't healthy for me. You drink to feel numb and I take a pill for anxiety. You will avoid getting hurt this way. But I won't.

I am worth making more effort for. If you don't want to then you don't.

[Greek]

So tempted to send:

Dear H,

I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. I looked into your eyes last night and felt myself losing hope. You made your mind up about us and it hasn't changed.

This isn't healthy for me. You drink to feel numb and I take a pill for anxiety. You will avoid getting hurt this way. But I won't.

I am worth making more effort for. If you don't want to then you don't.

Wifey ~~~
That's a pretty good note, girl. Whether you put it in writing, or actually say it to him...seems to me like it needs to be said.

Remember ~~~ when God was imaging YOU, He most likely wasn't thinking "Hey! Let me make this wife for him!" It probably went more like "Hey! I'm going to make Wifey, just like this and that, and won't she be great!" You were not put on this earth to be his wife. You are here to be you. And if he partners in love with you - great. But it doesn't define YOU.

Greek

[Puppy Dog Tails]

That's beautifully put, Greek!!!

Puppy

[The Wifey]

Greek, You have me in tears. And I just hit send.

[v1olin]

Wifey, I have been thinking about you and your sitch off and on since last summer when I was a newbie on here. I am sorry to hear that your husband has not changed much. I don't think I would have changed myself if it were not for the divorce. Maybe you letting go of him is what he needs?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sadly, people only change when they are either forced to, or are painted into some sort of crisis. One need look no further for evidence of this than all of the dozens, hundreds, THOUSANDS of LBSs here and the great lengths we are suddenly willing to go once our spouses drop the "ILYBINILWN" bomb on us.

Us humans are, at the end of the day, really path-of-least-resistance creatures, I'm convinced.

Puppy

[Rob1231]

Hi Wifey, Long time no see! I'm glad that YOU are getting out and doing good stuff for yourself, even if H is his same old crummy self. A couple of thoughts ran through my head as I read the stuff above:

H loves me but says our collective experiences have made us 2 independent people and I should focus on what we have rather than what we don't.

It's a shame that H doesn't get it - 2 independent people is the BEST formula for a happy relationship. Think about it - the alternative is two dependent people... The trick is, being a HAPPY independent person in a relationship. I think you could master that trick. H, not so much.

One need look no further for evidence of this than all of the dozens, hundreds, THOUSANDS of LBSs here and the great lengths we are suddenly willing to go once our spouses drop the "ILYBINILWN" bomb on us.

Puppy's words really made a bell go off in my head - because when I hear YOU talk about H, the message I hear is "I love him but I am not in love with him." Maybe it's time for you to drop a bomb of your own, hon. Just how long are you willing to live like this?

(((hugs)))

[The Wifey]

I am no longer willing to live like this.

[Greek]

You want to Live...not Exist. The difference is huge.

What a blessing to know it!
Greek