I used to say that H and I had a gap wider than the Grand Canyon to cross to get back together. Wellll, the gap is getting smaller.
In 2003 my H changed like a light bulb. It took 9 months before it clicked and I'd open my eyes enough to mistrust my Knight in Shining Armor and start looking for evidence of why he changed and treated me like a cowpie.
There's all the gory details in gobs of threads somewhere on this site. Ugly.
I always wonder why H never truly took the last of his stuff and moved out to his secret place. Maybe he knew I would be true to my word when I said if he drove out the driveway to have all his stuff with him because I didn't want him coming back. Anything else I said was empty ultimatums.
I filled my life with the things I love, I worked like a dog to prove that I could keep all the balls in the air even without H. One of the first friends I made here told me that I should let H feel needed. I wish I would have known how to do that.
I never believed that H would not want our life we built, although it doesn't make sense when he tried for so long to leave. I kept my hope, and I had stamina. I got tired of people telling me to move on. I did not want to move on, but I kept moving forward and left room for H to come with me.
H has been inching his way back into my life just as he inched out. He's back in our bed almost every night after 6 years on the couch. H has the softness and care back in his voice. We talk easily about a lot of things but we have a lot of hard discussions ahead of us yet. I do not think we will ever have the fairy tail M back that I thought I had, but we still have plenty of time to work on a new version.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Yowza, WCW! You've really put up with a lot I'd never put up with, but I really like what you said - "I kept moving forward and left room for H to come with me." You've done what you always said you'd do. Didn't pander to him, but didn't slam him to the curb, either.
Regarding fairy tales, they're for kids. You've grown and you've learned. It's only by experiencing those kinds of lessons you reach the understanding to go further, right? So take these lessons and appreciate them, whether it ultimately works out with H or not. You've become better and more understanding.
But work is also work. Don't forget to have a little fun
If you and your H reestablish a better connection, you will have a "fairytale" especially to those who are overly critical and hate marriage. It can be really good and fulfilling.
It is great to hear your positive news and proves that remaining hopeful but realistic even when it is tough but continuing GALing and DBing works. Even for the spouses who take longer than the majority to decide where the future path lies.
It inspires us to continue to move along in life whilst watching and waiting with lots of patience.
Yippee! Maybe the dogs took over the couch for good. I am so glad you posted again as I have been thinking of you and wondering how you were doing. Good things come to those who...work at it.
Hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Thank you all for stopping in! It's nice to see friends again.
Since I've been here so long I've seen many people drop off the boards and I wonder how their life turned out. I didn't want to leave big question marks hanging around!
By no means do I have my H figured out, or know how to handle the future. Deep inside I feel excited about what we have ahead of us, yet I feel a flatness about all of it too. I really do think my life had a good chance of being easier and on a path I would be comfortable with had H truly left. I still feel some anger about the past and then anxiety about what's next and how to manage what's ahead. Mostly for now I have to remember to just let it happen.
It's odd when we share stories with folks, we have to go back over 6 years ago to find the good times to talk about.
Last night H spent rearranging the basement and putting some of his equipment there to do some of his jobs. We talked about how to make it nicer and and fix it up for him.
Recently we hosted a bus load of 4H kids to our place and H boasted about my accomplishments and shared the spotlight with me. That's rare from H!
There is still a lot missing from our M, and just because I had another birthday doesn't mean I can't still dream like a kid and want a fairytale! lol
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
