W filed for divorce the first week of January, but has done little paperwork since. We are still living in the same house together, in separate rooms. W has a drinking problem which she is still struggling with. I talking her out of costly mediation a month ago, and my lawyer and I prepared a detailed settlement offer which we sent to her lawyer. After over three weeks, I finally heard back that her lawyer was agreeing that we didn't need to go to mediation.
I'm having a hard time tonight. It's my first night alone in the house. W took my two kids to the other side of the country for spring break. They will be gone for a week. Coming home to the empty house tonight was harder than I thought. I was missing some bills and receipts, and I searched the guest room for them. I haven't done any spying on W in months; She must have packed in a hurry, has dropped her guard, or just doesn't care anymore. She left a room key envelope out for the local Ritz Carlton.
There have been several weekend nights that she claimed she was sleeping at a friends house, and then a few trips out of town to visit "relatives". I have been certain that she was lying, but it is somehow different to be confronted with more actual evidence. The room key is dated with one of the weekends in question, and includes a man's name on it. The man is one of her friends from facebook from her home town (where she is now visiting with our kids in tow).
So, my question: does this change anything? Do I need to just ignore this? Do I need to confront her about it? Can I use it as a way to get her out of the house sooner?
Part of me is through with her, but I admit tonight this is really getting to me. Just when I'm finally ready to move on!
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
(((Awoken))) I can't imagine that it's ever easy to be confronted with evidence of the OP . I'm sorry that you have to process this tonight.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Wait at least 48 hours before you decide to do anything with it at all. Don't mention it to her until you have given it some days to think about what you should do and whether it is worth it. Time is on your side in deciding how to deal with this.
Even though it was clear what W was doing, I think I was better off not having the details of a who and where.
I suppose it explains why she hasn't been in a hurry to finish our divorce. She gets the financial comfort of living in our house, while she continues her online romances and PA.
I just want to move on with my life, close this chapter. I've had enough of these sleepless nights. I don't understand why I'm still obsessing over these details, as I'm done with her. It feels so pathetic, really.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
Well, wait a few days until you've slept and are calmer and then don't allow her her comfortable life if that's what you decide. You can stay open to working on this in the future if you decide to and still not have her living under your roof disrespecting you.
You might want to ask a question in the infidelity section of this board.
Sorry you are going through this. I think it's normal to obsess over the details for awhile. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just try to do something positive unrelated to her b.s. today.
I just read the beginning of your thread but not what's happened in between. If she's still drinking and having bipolar issues AND having an affair, I don't see how you can have any hope until she gets a reality check.
I'm having a hard time tonight. It's my first night alone in the house.
I agree with r22. How can you not obsess over details like that? Plus, this one line in your post really popped out at me.
You've mentioned a couple times now that you were apprehensive about how you'd feel this week, given it's your first alone in the house. Do you think you're focusing on all these details about what she's doing/done as a way to avoid having to deal with your own grief and sadness? (I'm sorry if that's a stupid comment... I know my frame of reference is very different; it just popped into my head when I read that line so I thought maybe I should ask.)
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
She and the kids are away until next Saturday. They are at her parents home at the other side of the country. For whatever reason, I've been completely cutoff from her side of the family. What I'm getting at is that I can't really take any meaningful action for a week anyway. My panicked, angry, and obsessive mind is what is worrying me the most.
Thanks for reading any of my long winded threads. Yes, she is still drinking although she has cut back considerably and now mostly hides it from us. One big incident in February, and one in march. That's a lot better than the beginning of our sitch. She no longer considers herself bi-polar and is not taking any meds. However, she has started a pretty vigorous exercise routine which is a really good treatment by itself (I doubt that is her motivation)
I doubt she is going to get a reality check. Her friends and family are embracing this all. I've spent a lot of time looking at my failures in our M, and I really don't understand the complete support she is getting.
I wish I didn't have the extra details. They seem pointless, and are only making it much more difficult for me.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
. I'm sorry that you have to process this tonight.