Need some help!!!

[jtish7234]

I need some suggestions on how to make this easier for my kids. Its seems like everytime my H calls, he makes our 3 yrd depressed. He gets really sad and moppy. Sometimes our 3 yrd wont even talk to him on the phone. Do I tell my H what he is doing to our son or do I keep it to myself?

I am starting to get a bit stressed out. I also had a reality check today as well. Since I will be starting a new job soon, I found out today how much fulltime daycare will cost for both boys. I forgot how expensive daycare is.

I don't know how single moms manage. I am starting to see how difficult my future is gonna be; not that my H was much help when we were together. But so far I am managing, thanks to the help of my parents.

[jtish7234]

Today, I am incredibly stressed out. My son (3) is having a rough day. Its only 1030 am and he is having tantrums. It is days like today where I could use my H help with him. I am doing the best that I can with him, but am losing my patience fast. I have to remind myself that he is only 3 and dealing with basically the loss of his dad, because he only sees his dad every other weekend if that. And they use to spend everyday together.

Hopefully my son will wake up from his nap in a better mood, so that today isn't totally ruined. Its finally starting to get nice out, after the snow storm that we got the other day.

[Onthemountaintop]

I can't say what is going on in his brain, but as much as I love my kids as they do me, I thought about how hard it would be to try rebuilding any kind of life while being the 'one who left/was kicked out'. Having to pay for it just makes the resentment grow.

It doesn't change my love, but there were many dark days that I figured I was going to lose them anyhow - if not now, when they are older and have decided to hate me for leaving. I know they'll never really get the bad dynamics of my R with my W, but I assumed if they're going to hate me, maybe it would be best not to try and to move on quickly.

Now, I'm not sure if I'll be D or not by years end, but I came to grip with those feelings enough to present various options to my W that always kept the kids in both my and her lives. The laws here help; you can't even move out of city without consultation and possibly court appearances to ensure children under 16 always get their needs considered first.

Having a heart-to-heart, no guilt, talk with him might help. I'm on the alt (dbust) and if you want some articles that you could give him about why he should really consider being more involved. Involved doesn't mean calling, it means being in contact.

Finding out what he would like if a D goes through may be helpful, if you haven't already discussed that.

Some real hard 180s or decisions you could consider (remember, I'm just thinking...it's your life!)
- Move closer to him so the kids don't have to lose their family members
- Ask him to move closer to you for visitation
- Offer him the house during weekend days for him to spend time with them
- Find out if he would like to have the kids visit at his place

I guess what I'm saying is that a calm, kind & loving discussion in person (over coffee with a babysitter at home?) might make him wake up and pull his head up toward his children again.

BTW-My 3 yr old doesn't need any reason for a tantrum, so consider yourself lucky! The worst for me isn't the 3yr old either, it is the 10 year old. She gets the idea of separation so much more.

[jtish7234]

We have gone thru a mediation session for our visitation schedule. My husband will see them every other weekend. He has given me all major holidays. Its not that he doesn't want to be more involved, its more about how he is being selfish with his time. Up until March (so in 5 months) he saw our kids once a month for about 6 hrs top each time. He had several weekends in the time where he could have come up to see them, but chose to spend time w/OW and her friends.

I have tossed around the idea of moving back to the town where we used to live. But right now, I feel that I need to stay with my parents (2.5 hrs from my husband) until I am able to get on my feet financially. (I finally found a job and will be starting April 19th) Not to mention I have more support here to help with the kids and to give me a break. When I was concidering moving back, my husband was also questioning his thoughts about if he was doing the right thing. SO it looked as if he may want us to come home. But about a week later, he informs me that he wants to move in with OW. I just wouldn't be able to handle being around him and possible her. Not to mention we don't have family there and I have only one great friend that lives there for support.

I have tried talking to him calmly about being more involved. Trying to get him to see what he is missing out on or the things that he will miss. I have tried to explain to him that they don't want his gifts, they want his love and attention. H therapist told him that he should write the boys letters everyweek, like being pen pals. And I'm sorry but how does he expect a 3 yr old to write back? I told H that I will read the letters to the boys, but don't expect me to write back for them bc then it would be like I was personally writing it (if that makes sense) So to be nice, the first week, I made him a scrapbook page of the boys handprints that said 'daddy's little hands' and gave it to him for his bday from the boys.

I would love to get some time alone with my H so that we could talk. But we are never alone and the only time I see him now, is when it is his weekend or we have a court date for the D. I would love the chance for my H to see the 'new' me, bc he doesn't get the chance to do so when we are around the kids. I honestly think my H is afraid to be alone with me. When I was packing up our stuff at the house, he made sure my FIL was there, so that he wouldn't have to be alone with me.

This may sound bad, but I pray every night that the OW does something that will push him away and bring him back to us. Its really upsetting, when he tells me that the reason he loves being with her is bc she was me 10 yrs ago. Outgoing and fun to be around, but when we got married and our careers got in the way that all changed. We both became to focused on doing things around the house and I tended to focus all my attention on the kids.

I also pray every night that God will bring my H back to my kids and I. But also that he gives me the strenght to deal with whatever may happen. Its weird but I just have a gut feeling that once the divorce goes thru (bc I don't see my H changing his mind in the next few weeks) that he will soon realize that he is making a huge mistake. Or its just wishful thinking.

[jtish7234]

I am getting very fustrated lately. Maybe its the lack of sleep or the fustration of what is going on. My youngest son is teething and not sleeping well.

I haven't talked to my husband about anything really in almost 3 weeks. He has calls to talk to our boys, but doesn't really talk to me. I don't know if going dark is working, I think I miss him more and more every day. But I guess its hard to tell, bc H is still actively involved with OW. He has sent me several txt messages over the weekend, but I didn't get them till this morning and didn't respond to them. The first one was asking about what the boys were doing. And the second was asking What was under construction? Yesterday on my facebook status was Under contruction, which I was refering to rebuilding my kids swingset at my parents house. And again today, when he called to talk to our son, he asked again what was under contruction. So I told him. He seemed suprised that I could figure out how to put it back together. He sometimes forgets how handy that I am.

I am doing my best to keep myself busy. I am getting my kids ready to start daycare full time, so they are ready for me to start my new job next week. I am doing my best not to let the things going on around me affect me. I enjoyed rebuilting the swingset yesterday. I am also looking forward to going and buying my first set of golf clubs this week, its my birthday present from my parents and myself. I figured I would release my fustrations out on the ball, instead of bottling it up.