OMGosh!!! This has been the story of my life since H left...one thing after another! While it might be God's way of taking tour focus off our H's...all I can think of usually is why isn't H here to handle this stuff? I am getting better at hanlding this stuff and letting people help that offer!!!
Glad you are feeling better SC!!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
SCH - that's awful with the leak and the light...This is very strange I'm experiencing some break downs as well. Fans in 2 bathrooms stopped working within a week from each other. I can't light the pilot on the pool heater, the pool has developed a leak this week, I'm loosing 1/2 inch of water a day and the pressure gauge needs replacing because it has water in it. I didn't even tell H any of it...just trying to deal with it myself.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I haven't posted in a bit, but I went for very minor surgery for a sports injury, and XH came and stayed with us for a couple of weeks to look after the kids while I healed (his choice to do so)... and it was very helpful, and I got to wishing again...
BUT NOW HE LEFT AGAIN!
He ran.
Actually, first he got in an accident totalling his car, then he ran out on me when there was a flood and water damage downstairs and I had to deal with the repairs and contractors and kids, t
hen he came back this weekend and was getting mean... like he told me about a party he got invited to and I asked if he was inviting me and he said "why would he do that?" -- these were people I know and like!
then I asked "what's going on" and why did he keep asking to reconcile with one foot in and one foot out, and he said he can't trust me to it going back to the way it was,
and he wants me to "trust him" with the plans going forward but he still wont' live with us,
then he drove away, angry, and gave me the "finger" and LEFT.
I'm glad you posted again as I have thought about you often, but sorry this is happening.
Sweetie, this what we were afraid would happen if your H returned before he was ready. He just doesn't know what he wants. He is still spinning as evidenced by not being able to make up his mind and stay on track.
Your H is still blaming external forces for his pain. He hasn't stopped to look inside and resolve those issues that are truly what he's running from.
He is still not ready to take on the responsibility of caring for his home and family as it is overwhelming to him.
Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this again. Please keep posting, we'll be here for you.
I think about everyone here too, even when I am not posting.
I know you were afraid of this happening. Funny thing is I did not encourage it. He is the one asking for 1/2 a year to come back. And even so, this time, he was the one who offered to help for a couple of weeks so I could recover. I had no one else.
I'm sure it was so not exciting for him, me being out of sorts, and him being a parent doing everything all of a sudden, after a year of time.
I didn't know why he did it. I guess so he could clarify in his mind that he did not want this life? Of course it would not be fun this way. It's like he's burning so hot to run away right now.
SA, I think it makes a lot of sense what you are saying.
Everyone close to me told me not to get drawn in, I didn't mean to, I thought I could do this just for a couple of weeks and keep my calm and I couldn't. I wanted to believe in him. I still love him. I still don't understand any of this. And I can't get over the hurt he has done to me.
I know it hurts. It hurts because you love him, it hurts because you are angry. It hurts because he is not the man you knew and depended on, got used to, accepted, and co-parented the children with.
It hurts because this man turned into someone so selfish he is unrecognizable. You question yourself because you can not believe you made such an error in judgment when you married him and believed you would be together for life.
I'm going to tell you what helped me to deal with all of this. First, I had to understand what happened to my H. Why he turned into someone I did not know, how he could turn his back on all that we'd built together and our love for each other. How he could tell me he hadn't loved me for a long time when just a short time before he not only said it, but proved it.
I had to understand what 'snapped' in him. I got some very wise advice when I found this place. That was to learn all I could about MLC. The more I delved into it the more it made sense. The more I learned the easier it became to detach.
I am a fixer by nature and I learned and accepted that I can not fix this. I didn't break my H and I can't fix him. Realizing this was the beginning of my journey.
Step back SCh, don't let yourself get drawn into your H's drama. It's not selfishness on your part, it's self preservation. This is your time. Use it wisely and work on yourself. There is happiness to be had outside of your H.
Find your center and start living your life according to you. You are going to need to draw upon that strength if/when your H returns if you let him.
You have the power to do this SCh, you just have to believe it for yourself.
