Passenger, can you elaborate on what you say as classic? I am a bit confused as he doesn't have any obvious OW, I wonder whether it's a personality fault instead.
Your H is in MLC, classic like was mentioned before. My H has said and did the SAME exact stuff your H is saying and doing.
Celestial, can you elaborate on what is the SAME stuff? I've read so many threads in the last few days and seem some similarities and some differences. I obviously don't want him to run again, if I let him back, if he came back. Thanks!
SC, I agree with everyone, tread lightly… You already know this isn’t probably the right time… Otherwise, he would be back in the house with you… I say this, not just based on him not being ready, you are not ready either…
Cat04, can I please trouble you, too, to elaborate on this? I sounds like good advice, but also very vague, and I hate vagueness!! Can you provide me with any further insights to think about?! Thanks!
And he just won't stop this. I feel ill just thinking about it. I feel sick (of him) when I am around him and I don't want to be close with him. I can't bring myself to D and end this marriage, and I can't change it acting the way I am.
Originally Posted By: SecondChance
So now the romantic in me says, we have another chance, he's willing to come to my city, the circumstances have given us a new go at this marriage and life.
The cynic in me says, great, he lives off me for 2 years, gets a share of the house I had to buy with the split financials from the separation, then as a stay-at-home Dad if he leaves again I have no claim for support, custody, in fact I'll owe HIM alimony off my puny job, while he goes back and becomes rich in his major career world!!
Originally Posted By: SecondChance
Part of my fear of getting back with him now, is why should I assume that this time he can build a healthy relationship with me, when he was clearly incapable of doing that before.
Originally Posted By: SecondChance
When he's in front of me asking to reconcile and go forward with our marriage I am not trusting him, and I seem to recoil when he tries to hug me or anything. My intuition that something is wrong is going off, but I don't know after all of this whether to trust it or not.
THEN... when he's not here, after he's left, after I'VE pushed him away... then I miss him like crazy, and I feel bad about pushing him away.
You are still living in fear…
You are not ready to trust…
You still have a lot of anger and suspicions…
His obvious confusion…
His being very uncertain where he wants to live, his thinking he will know in four weeks time if the M will work out or not, his uncertainty about what he wants to do with his life…I could go on, but you know what he has said…
I am NOT even trying to predict what his real reasons behind the idea of reconciliation are at this point…
He may want to, he may not want to…
However, one of you will have to be the stronger one if it does happen, and if he is coming out of a MLC, it won’t be him…
Which means that YOU have to be healthy enough to know the risk you would be taking with yourself and your emotions, and be able to go through the process with as little damage to what you have gained/regained in you, no expectations, and a lot of patience, compassion, and understanding…
When the time is right for you both, you will know it…
Was that any better?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Wow, Cat04, do I ever appreciate your post!! I lose track of all the things about what is/was/did/might/could/should/and did or didn't happen, and you sifted through and summarized so many of those things. I can't thank you enough!! WOW! Thank you
SC My h wanted to reconcile like your H, way before he was ready, and while I had just begun to GAL. He also said that if I didn`t want to reconcile, at least he tried to, and I refused. It would make him look like the good guy, and me the one who walked away.
Celestial X5, I read over your sitch again, wow, you are amazing. My question to you is what would you advise that I do, assuming our sitch's smilarities? My WH is not in the house (nor has he ever lived in the house we are now in).
Today WH telephoned to offer to help me decorate my bedroom!! Said if he moves in, then that would be good because he had input. If he doesn`t, it could be his good-bye present to me.
What the heck does that mean -- and like I`d want to spend the next XX number of years living in a bedroom he designed, after he left.
Your h is a master manipulator. He's very good at guilting you and wanting you to panic. I have to say the man is good at throwing out comments. Don't put much stock in his comment.
If I were you, I'd decorate your room the way you want it. Now, if you need him to help w/the movement of furniture, etc., fine....but if you can manage on your own...do it.
Enjoy your Sunday and again, don't put too much thought into trying to figure out his comment...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
