surviving and thriving

[chatterbug]

Talia. I am doing really well.

Some times my cheeks hurt too much from smiling. I have done some travelling. Back into the swing of things at work. House is up and on the market for sale. I have surrounded myself with good friends who are caring and loving. But I had to step away from here. It was making me analyze everything too much. Also the pain of everyone else was bringing me down and I was getting sucked into too much time here. So I cut it off. Now I just check in once a month.

Most of my life is quiet. Just working towards cutting that last cord with ex. I am in complete control of all communications with her. And she is having problems adjusting to the balance between us and she lingers on. But the door is closed completely forever. When I do see her. It is like looking at a piece of furniture or an old ex from high school.

Some times Chit happens and you know what. Its the best thing that can ever happen. Once the LBS fog has been lifted. Life moves on. And we relearn the lessons we taught ourselves in High School when we were dating and dating. That is sometimes people no longer love us. Or we no longer love them. So we move on.

Life is Good.

And I am looking forward to the next few years as they will be very interesting as I continue to grow and learn about being a man.... Took 39 years.....

I got you on the alt now with my real fb account so keep intouch.
Or at least you can observe.

Marshmellow man smiling away

I will post another update later on when some stuff happens in my life. Thats the great thing about life. You live it. And stuff happens.

And stuff happens takes time....

[chatterbug]

well here is the next update.

I have accepted a position in the us of a. So I move there in august. It is a promotion in my work. Which is good. As there was many layoffs.

Life just keeps moving along. I took the chance on making all this the best thing that could happen.

And I am thriving. I have learned so much about myself.

For those of you who struggle. Forgive. And move on.

Take a chance on yourself. Learn to love yourself and see what you can do. And if anyone is toxic. Learn boundaries. Enforce them.

That is what we teach each other here.

Success is not measured by your spouse. It is measured by your life and your experiences. Live it within reason. And flourish.

[newmama]

Hi Cutter! I was just thinking of you yesterday and then you posted! I joined this forum a few weeks ago unfortunately.


Congratulations on your promotion and whereabouts are you moving to in the USA? Northeast? Midwest? Pacific Northwest?

How is the writing going?

I will be catching up on your thread...

[flowmom]

Congratulations on your upcoming move! Lots of opportunities down there. And the geographic cure can be cool...a fun way to re-invent oneself. Take care.

[chatterbug]

A small post to some of my old friends on here.

Life is moving along. Adjusting to my new life in the USA has been very rewarding.

I am very proud of myself for moving down here and starting a new life.

I have made some fantastic new friends.

I was just thinking back to this day last year when I signed the papers.

How life can embrace you if you embrace life ( within reason )

So I moved 1100 miles. To a city where I did not know a single soul.

I worked hard and I made friends.

I have been very blessed.

Thank you to everyone who helped me get back on my feet.

I will drop back in some time. As I still read up on a few people.

I have no idea where everyone else went so if someone can send me a message on that alt that would be great.

Life strong.

[chatterbug]

A long and needed update.

So here I am. I have moved another 300 miles.

Ladybug and I never restored our marriage. When we do talk. We are respectful. There is no bitterness.

At times it is weird. To describe the thoughts of a woman you loved for so many years. A perfect stranger? No. Hard to describe. They become a stranger. That is true. But one you know so well.
Do they ever leave your thoughts? No. You will think about them from time to time. It is your choice to how you frame these thoughts. Some times when I think of ladybug. I am angry. But most of the time I am just matter of fact. It is like thinking back to highschool and the friendships and relationships from then.

Occasionally I will have a bad night. Where I cannot sleep. And just think about everything that happened. Reply all the moments. The hurt and the experience.

But all in all. I survived.

I still struggle day to day with my faults.

I try to grow as a man.

When I left here. I cut it off. I could no longer be here. It was not helping me grow. I was just trapped here. So I left. It was the only way I could heal. But I would come back from time to time to read.

I missed that last mass banning. Chance. If I posted here all the time at that moment. I would have been banned as well.

At times I thank Michele for this site. It was tough to say her name as it was ladybug's name. But at times I am very upset with her as I think she has never understood adultery.

But her thoughts on personal growth have been bang on. And she has written very well on the 180.

This is a wonderful site. But it is just one voice. When we need many.

I have no idea if this will get me in hot water for the first time at this site. I hope not.

I see the good here. I always have.

As to my life.

I am dating a wonderful woman.

We have been through so much together.

A friendship that grew and grew.

I will be honest. The communication started here. But the attraction and love grew outside of this place. And that is one of the things that this site struggles with.

The power of emotions.

It is one aspect I wish that the site would allow. But currently it goes against its goal.

But in life. Not everything should be saved.

It just takes each person a different amount of time to realize this.

And DB is more than just DB'ing your spouse. It is a way of life.

Take care.

[imthemom]

I dont even know why, but this last post brought tears to my eyes...

[ClingingToHope]

A co-worker pulled me aside shortly after XW and I split up. He said he has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Everything about the second marriage is better than the first.

Yet, there isn't a week that goes by that he doesn't think about the first wife.

For me, I'm still in the hour stage. I don't think there's an hour that goes by where I don't think about XW.

That's better than the minutes of 2009 and 2010 though.

[g450]

I am also in a new relationship. And like you chatterbug I have not been here in well over a years.

And you are right. You never stop thinking about them. How could I not? I was married to this woman for over 20 years. And this new relationship brings with it memories of the old one. But that's not a bad thing.

I hope you are right about second marriages being better CTH. But from what I read they are something like 50% more likely to fail because they are in fact second marriages. I have high hopes for my next one as I did not destroy the last one. I think that speaks volumes. But I did learn from it and will bring that to my next marriage.

Not sure what the banning was about since I was not here. I do frequent another forum though. But even that one I have been away from. I like to help people going through this stuff but it is painful to read the stories. Seems so many things are always so familiar. It's like divorce is an epodemic.

[kat727]

I believe people that haven't taken the time to work on themselves are the ones that are doomed to fail. Just hopping into a new relationship without even a blink is asking for trouble.

I think most of us here have done a bunch of work and taken responsibility for our share of the failures. Tough lessons but necessary to move forward. Best of luck with your new relationships.

kat