Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Well, I promised I'd have some news, and here it is:
Today, I went to court for a restraining order because my H has been coming to the house and taking whatever he wants and also he has verbally threatened me over the telephone, with comments like, "You just wait. Your time is coming."
In my petition, I was advised to put on paper what happened two years ago, when he tried to run me over with his truck, while Jennifer was in the car... So, I did. (Those of you who were around back then probably remember this). Anyway, at the time, I was so distraught that I couldn't file a report, due to Divorce Busting tactics that had me believing perhaps maybe I could win him back. What a joke! That was never even a option. If I knew then, what I know now, about how he bolled me over with deceit and prostitution and his demands that the woman be half his age, I probably would not be where I am now.
In any case, his attorney had Jennifer, his 35-year-old prostitute there as a witness. He attorney questioned me, asking if I thought Jennifer would testify that H tried to run me over. I said, I had no idea, but the judge stopped her, saying, "You can't ask her something like that." (Jennifer was in the car, when he tried to run me over). They were coming out of my/our house where he was attempting to have sex with her when I wasn't home. BTW, she was dressed in a dark suit and high heels and no stockings. She looked hard and used and worn. I guess once a scum bag, always a scum bag. You can dress them up, but you can't change who they are.
His attorney tried to make out like I was the abuser because I followed them to try and get some answers. But the judge wouldn't let her pursue that line of reasoning. Anyway, she had all the facts wrong and discombobulated.
Long story short, the judge wouldn't grant the restraining order for me because I only had a 911 communications call about the truck incident, and not a full report. So, for those of you who are in imminent danger, if you don't file the report, you won't get the protection you need. Just so you know, I didn't want to file the report because the officer who came out to my house told me that if I filed the report, they would have no recourse but to go to his place of work, pick him up and arrest him for a second degree felony. I didn't want that at the time because I still loved him. Stupid me. Then again, if he did get arrested, he would be out of a job, and no one should be without work. During the little circus today, H was smiling the whole time. He thought it was funny.
I did introduce a tape recording where he was extremely nasty and admitting to "hurting me," but the judge said the word, "hurt" could indicate that he hurt me mentally and emotionally, and not physically.
poet, How awful. I can't believe the judge wouldn't grant the order. The stuff from two years ago, maybe, but barging into your house unannounced, taking stuff, muttering veiled threats - no that's harrassment, terrorizing, period. You've GOT to have some options here. If your L can't come up with anything, consult another one. Change the locks. Add a slide chain on the inside. Something!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
So sorry Poet. It must be a very helpless feeling right now when the laws that are supposed to protect us just don't do the job. Hang in there and do what Gardener suggested. If you are afraid can you stay at a friends place once in a while, just for a break?
Well, my attorney(s) want me to give up my house of 16 1/2 years. They think it's better than going to court. And they say that my age (57) doens't mean anything because I'm still "able bodied" and can work. My H wants the house too, but he's been gone for over two years. I don't think that even matters in the law in FL. They don't count abandonment here.
I don't know if anyone will respond to this. I hope they do. I know people read my posts because I can see the numbers, but only one or two people ever respond.
I'm not sure of all the particulars. Wouldn't he have to pay you your half of the house? If so, is there enough equity to go and buy a new place without those awful memories.
When things got bad between me and STBXW I made a major mistake and let her throw me out. She wanted me to leave, but she couldn't make me. I left thinking it would show her how much she missed me.
So basically I ceded the house over to STBXW. In the end though it hasn't been a bad decision. The house is sinking her financially. She can't sell it. It's now worth $15k less than we owe so she's stuck.
Me? I'm moving into a new house in two months. It's small, but the girls will have their own rooms and it's next door to my uncle and his in-ground pool.
So take a long hard look at your house and see if it's worth it financially to fight over. You may be better off downsizing and letting him have to worry about the upkeep and such.
I can see why you are sad though. The house in our case was one my parents owned in the 1970s. Now when I go over there I've been scrubbed free of the place. STBXW and I were together in eight rooms of that place. I get overwhelmingly sad when I'm there and no longer welcome.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
((((((poet)))))) I know the thought of losing the house hurts, but how does it fit into the big picture? In my case, I have the house, selling it would be financial suicide, and keeping it is slow financial suicide.
My way of looking at things would be to try to flip the situation on its head, and see if you can see the ways that not having the house might be an opportunity, rather than a burden. Perhaps it could give you the freedom to make choices that you couldn't even consider with it.
