However, I have found renewed strength, and stronger bonds from it with them, oddly enough for me, even with my guy friends. (Guys are supposed to be tough, and not talk about 'feelings' with there other guy friends...)
That true intimacy though with them, is what strengthened it, and I feel I was blessed to open up to them now.
It took me some courage to do so, but I was so well rewarded after, that I can't thank them enough.
Those are true family and friends, and if you open up to someone you may find a stronger bond than you thought was possible.
Exactly! And very well put.
Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I have 36 hours left of being married. The dissolution hearing is Wed at 11 am. I don't know what to think about it. I'm not happy, I'm not sad or angry, I'm not feeling much of anything.
I've been busy scanning the early, pre-digital camera pics of the kids and family. That wasn't fun. Now I'm working on scanning the old tax returns. That's even less fun. But at least we'll each have a set of old financial records and a complete set of pictures.
Finances are still in a bind. Stbx won't clue me in on when he intends to make good on the settlement. He has 9 months to do so, but I was hoping he might have an idea so I can budget accordingly. Whatever. I'll manage.
Hindsight- maybe I should have pushed for a full-throttle divorce. I would have been able to get temporary support payments while it was pending. But I just know how vicious he would have been if we had gone that route, and I don't know if I had it in me to fight him. I know this path was easier in that regard, but I haven't decided yet if it was worth it. I know shouldn't bother trying- second-guessing myself won't help anything.
Part of me kinda wishes to know what's going through his mind. Does he miss me at all? Is he happier? I'm not gonna ask though.
It's over and done with. Only glitches were my attorney being late and two buttons popping off my blouse right as we went in to see the judge. XH commented "I don't think flashing the judge is gonna help your case, we have a lady judge..." So I was sworn in this afternoon with my right hand up, and my left hand holding my blouse closed over the girls. But really, here wasn't anything to argue, the judge asked a couple of questions, confirming this is what we wanted and basic facts about the marriage, and that was it.
A couple of teary-eyed moments today but no major emotional upheaval. Maybe it hasn't sunk in yet, or maybe I'm just already over it. I'm really not sure which.
