Hmmm, good question. Wasn't ever an issue when I was in college. Now that I'm single again, the only guy I've dated, I went to his place (had travelled to his town - long story).
It was good for me - nice to be somewhere different, in the new guy's space. BUT - he was a major slob, I didn't mind at all but most women would have been turned off. If a guy's space isn't really clean, should go to the girl's house.
Plus - to tell you the truth - I snooped at his place while he was at work. (In my defense, I was just trying to make sure he wasn't an ax murderer). Found a few things he probably wouldn't have wanted me to see.
So - if you have anything to hide, or you're a lousy housekeeper - go to their place!
Rites of Venus? It's been so long I'd imagine it would be the Power of Vesuvius.
With a teenage daughter 24/7, the home is a sanctuary, almost too personal. Could not imagine having rites or powers here. Maybe the backseat of a car (not) or weekend getaway.
Hey...my ex gave thepoor baby drug dealer MY engagement ring...that he stole back from me...and SHE KNEW ABOUT IT and was PROUD of it...
oh well
if she wanted a fakeass ring that turned her finger green, I guess she was more than welcome to it...at least she took the ex with her!!!
I got a new bed...tempurpedic....the bed of the gods...
I would have arm wrestled her for the flat screen tv though!!!!
now you can clean the house with new cleaners (new scent...scent is our strongest memory trigger....pick cleaners that are wonderful so you associate that new scent with new freedom...don't laugh, it's the best trick EVER) light some new candles, buy yourself a new CD of music you like...blast it...eat your favorite food at the table or sprawled out nekkid on the couch
Great stuff. Honestly, if the next woman wanted a little 'Mt Vesuvius at my place, that would be fine by me. I will change up the bedding, that's for SURE.
And.....this afternoon:
D7 Text: I'm at my new house.
Me: Way to D7. Isn't it fun?
D7 Text: Yes
Me: Good girl. daddy is happy that you like your new home
D7: Daddy, is it true that you don't want to be with me anymore?
CRUSHED. WHAT THE?
Me: Who said that?
D7: S9
I was reeling when she texted this all. S9 needs a talking to. I have them this Memorial weekend and I will straighten this out. If my daughter had said 'mom'....well....she didn't so I can't comment. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Did you call her right then and there on the phone you were texting her on? I am sure that she is just trying to test you, though......but better to nip it in the bud.
It's hard to be prepared for such a question from your child which rocks you to your core... bringing up your greatest fears... looking for who said such a thing.
Yet.. it's wonderful that your daughter was able to be forthright. Despite of your personal concerns were you able to answer her question.. reassure her of your feelings.. make her feel safe.
Hey Frank --Actually I think that response from D7 and S9 is a pretty common one..A lot of what they are experiencing right now inside is being withheld..everybody says that kids are resilient and they'll be fine..that's true, but it takes time and they need to get their emotions and fears out..as good as they may look, their world is being rocked right now and they are probably very scared, especially S9 as he understands bits and pieces. Honestly, it would help if your XW could reassure them that this is all between mommy and daddy. As long as she's buying coffee, maybe she could do her kids a solid and make them understand that they have a great father that loves them very much and will always be there for them and would take them in his home in a second if NY state would have given him a shot..
You know how my sitch went down and how my ex checked out on the kids..my kids all had the exact same reaction about her..I kept telling them how much their mom loves them..believe me, it wasn't easy as she sees them maybe 4 hours a week and has never asked for even a minute more..every kid deserves two parents..deserves to know that they are loved by both. No matter how trivial matters become between divorcing parents, that should never trickle down to the kids..it will only hurt them..I hope your XW can see that, she is in position to make a huge difference. It was sometimes very difficult for me to say those words to the kids, but I am so glad that I did. It helped THEM, and that's what's important.
Here's hoping you have a great 3 day weekend!
Strength and Honor..it never gets old..
Mules
Last edited by mulesqb; 05/28/1001:29 PM.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
To All: I think it was a blessing that the first major holiday went to me. I had them thru Monday night and it was WONDERFUL. However, there are always 2 sides to the coin. I will get them tonite and tomorrow for dinner then a long stretch without them. Almost 6 days.
As to the issue above, I called XW and explained and she actually DID help to iron this out with S9. We had a long talk and actually had a discussion (knowingly) on speakerphone while they were with XW.
Now..not sure I understand the dynamic of the following:
On Saturday, I had the locks changed. XW went nuts. She actually drove by on Saturday, unannounced, which bothered me but I said nothing for now. I let her in to get some things out and she started SCREAMING at me: -that I was making this difficult -that something is up and I am probably going to take the house off the market (not...legally I can't anyway) -that she has a financial interest in the house and she was going to call her attorney (oh geez, here we go again)
She called me back soon after and started screaming at me again.
I hung up.
The following texts:
XW: Hanging up on me and still refusing me to have a voice will never help us to get to a better place. In fact, the FIB way is what destroyed us.
Me: Won't be screamed at again...the XW way
XW: That's what one has to do to be heard amongst the FIB clan to try and be heard. You never knew me at all
Me: You're right...never knew the real you
XW: What a shame. You lost out on the best there is.
Me: So did you XW
Ugh. I realized that that was turning into a tit for tat.
Ironically, XW has her own 3 BR house now. I don't have the key to it. The house is in my name and she vacated. So, when I change the locks, BAM: I'm an a$$hole again.
I feel so much safer and secure tho'. I don't think it's right after she moves out that she can have free access to my home where I live.
So, over the weekend: -we had a another little family BD party for D7 at my sis's -S9 had two sleepovers, one at his friends and one over my house -we hung at my sister's pool one afternoon -we saw Shrek 4 -S9 played in his All Star game -we shot mini golf and later have a huge baseball game in our friend's backyard -I replaced and setup a new Xbox system for him.
I will most likely try one of the online dating services next. I am NOT a bar person and I REFUSE to hang out at one of the steak restaurant bars on Thursday nights and line myself up as a target.
Transitions.
Mulesqb....amazing to see you here and thanks. Feel free to help me navigate thru this new period of early divorce.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
