still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[newmama]

Well sgt finally said to start a new thread for those of us with super long ones! SO here is the link to my old one:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1872827#Post1872827

[newmama]

OK so I hope I inserted the link to my old thread ok!

Tonight- WH came over, but I had to be around him because he can't lift anything over 15 pounds and S weighs 19.9! Well, I started out a little grumpy- no faking it! So I guess I took some advice to not be my Pollyanna self!

I had made dinner for myself and was eating it when he arrived. There was some left on the stove if he wanted it. (Lemon fusilli with arugula and wild plum tomatoes)

I left to the store for 10 minutes to pick up some wine (haha!) and just needed to get out of the house alone since the last time I did was Wednesday March 3!

I had good hair and clothes. After I gave S a bath I brought him downstairs and expressed concern to WH about his incision. Then my friend called to ask me about plans for 4th of July. Well I was talking to her in the kitchen while he was reading S books, but wonder if he heard anything. I think it could be good because it shows I am not waiting on him!

So after that I had to sit near him to take S after he rocked him to sleep. WH said he just wanted to hold him since he missed him so much.

OK I did do something sneaky- close to 7, I purposely chose "The Office" to watch because it was the episode where Pam has her baby and I wanted WH to reminisce about our labor/ hospital experience! (heh heh- it worked!)What sucked about it was the whole office romance thing since he met OW at work.

Anyway he also told me that he had a follow up appt on the 19th (my b-day which he had taken off from work). At first my heart sunk a little because of course that was why he chose that day. But then I realized that he didn't make the appointment until after his procedure, after he told me he had the day.

Well I was waiting for him to say "your birthday is that day" but he was being weird! So I said "yeah, that's my birthday!" He asked if I had any plans (during the day) I told him I was still figuring things out. He said he usually doesn't do much for his birthday. I just stayed quiet!

S went to sleep at 7. WH told me at 7:30 I could take him to bed. I expected him to leave since he can't really pick up S if he woke up early but then he went to the bathroom, came back in and sat down on the couch next to me!

I felt a little nervous but played it cool. I wasn't nervous like I expected him to bring up divorce I just was surprised he was still there.

Well something came up about what I made for dinner and boy was he dropping in comments like "oh, your Ina Garten cook book" and "you got sick from those painkillers, didn't you?" and I don't know how to describe it but just referencing things about me- showing me he remembers.

Then I hope this is a good thing on my part-he got up to leave and I got up to. I told him that I wanted to find a babysitter because I don't want to burn his sister out and my family is not reliable. He said "but you can always ask me! Or is it when you have other stuff going on?" (whatever that means) BUt I said "no, just mostly for things like this-what happened to you. ANd just to have a back up." To me it felt good saying that because I wasn't acting like I was expecting us to get back together--like I wasn't sitting around if that makes any sense.

But he said "I should be good for Friday night so you can have a break for sure then!" Well I just said "mm hmm" and frowned.
(he takes S on Fri nights)

Summary: odd that he stayed 30 minutes after I put S to bed when he isn't able to go in and comfort him-like what is the point?

I noticed he went out of his way to bring up details he remembered about me.

I was getting up often to check my phone and text a friend!

I told him I would need a babysitter- kind of passive aggressive maybe but implying that since he is not living here I can't always do it alone AND implying that I am not waiting around for him to get my needs met

[newmama]

Oh and I also started an episode of "Kitchen Nightmares." In the intro, it said something about the couple that owned the restaurant were married but had been separated for 2 years and WH laughed a little nervously. They said "this couple fights constantly and gets along like oil and water" I said "why do they both work together then?" and he said "Maybe they both own the place." I said "so?" but dropped it- I was going to say one could buy the other out.

I just wanted to share.

[blownaway65]

Encouraging NM, just don't get your hopes up - expect nothing.

But you played it really well.

[jasper67]

agreed

[newmama]

Thanks fellas! I am just observing, then remember he is still with OW and shrug.

[newmama]

OK I am trying tofigure out how to name my link "thread 1" and "current"

These are the directions I am trying to follow:
[url= link ] title [/url] = Makes the given title into a hyperlink pointing to link.

what am I doing wrong? I am trying this:

[http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1872827&page=1= link ] thread 1 [/http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1872827&page=1]

[flowmom]

url=http://tinyurl.com/yfay7p8]current[/url]

add "[" to beginning of above for your current thread

[flowmom]

good babysteps newmama! why don't you remind us of your DB relationship goals by posting them here? we all know that there's an OW, but DBing is about working on the goals, seeing what works, and daring to hope while recognizing that reconciliation may not be possible.

[flowmom]

H4L, would you consider giving me your opinion on this?
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1954859#Post1954859