I understand exactly what your feeling. That is why the high road is so important. Allows you to keep those 12 years for what they really where. Time spent with a woman you loved. They can only attack for so long before they will stop. That is why you stay dark on her... Its for you.... Not her. And you stay dark until you know you can talk to her and not be angry or bitter. Just sad and disappointed at the outcome. And those feelings fade again. Remember life is long. You have common grounds. Friends , family that love you both... So stay to the high road. In the long run it is the easier path. No regrets and pain frontloaded. Vs... regrets and bitterness and people who you cannot look in the eye because you did not follow the high road.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Broken keeping her on health insurance until she gets her own coverage is the right thing to do. Giving her a deadline to get her own or pay you for that coverage is the right thing to do.
This is all part of the high road path. Keep to it. Choices made out of bitterness should be tossed away. High road and tough love.
You should also do this with the car insurance. And just keep her on the life insurance but do not mention it. Only time you would take her off is if you were going to add someone else.
Well, the wife's been gone for over three weeks, but is still coming almost over every day to move stuff out and hasn't moved any of the big stuff yet. I have not been at the house whenever she's there - still don't want to watch her dismantle our life together.
I've given up on her coming back, and I don't know if I'd want to be with this new person she's become anyway. I'm feeling like I'm ready to move on with my life. I want to be free to explore other relationships, perhaps sooner than later. My wife's vows obviously didn't mean anything to her, but they meant everything to me. I won't break them as long as I have a marriage, if only on paper.
Any advice on asking her for a divorce when I'm expecting her to pay for it since she was the one who was unfaithful and moved out? I talked to a friend who went through a divorce recently, and he handled it through the courts without attorneys, since it was relatively amicable like mine. They spent under $1,000 and only had to go to 1/2 hour mediation.
Should I be moving this over to another topic section?
LBS means left behind spouse not Left Behind Storage Facility.
Perhaps she needs to figure out why she needs to contact you daily!!!!
If you want to divorce. File. If you want to heal then take your time and let her file. You are in no position to start any new relationships.
And believe me. With your feelings so super charged you will think a smile from some one means they love you. We have all been there. Go out on a date with someone and you are thinking that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. These are items you need to work through. Love is a choice. It is shown by actions.
If I was you I would stay here still. The roller-coaster is in effect. But each hill gets shorter. You need to work on creating scars out of your wounds. Heal. And keep to the high road.
I would really recommend that you take some time to help some others on this site. It will help you understand what your experiencing. And it will help you heal.
I have no doubt that you will heal. You will survive and thrive.
When I read your very first post I knew that. As did others. So we were drawn to you.
In time your advice to others will be greatly appreciated for you have knowledge , grace and wisdom.
Take care.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
She's been sick and out of town. I'm willing to be patient, but not for much longer. I just want to rip the bandaid off and be done with it, I can't keep dragging out the separation. And she's not really contacting me daily, just texting me to let me know when she'll be in the house so I don't have to be there. It'll end soon.
I still don't know about the divorce. I don't want to rush into anything I'll regret, but I know EXACTLY what you mean about the supercharged emotions. Every smile, every hug, every "call me if you need to talk" feels like something more. Trying to keep my emotions in check as much as possible, but more than anything I've just come to realize that there's more fish in the sea, and there will be a woman who I can again love and trust, sooner or later.
I have gone on a couple other threads. Most advice I've given was something like, "Listen to Greek, I wish I'd been on this site earlier," or "Listen to Coach, he is wise." Other than that I've just offered advice on healing.
I still don't know about the divorce. I don't want to rush into anything I'll regret, but I know EXACTLY what you mean about the supercharged emotions. Every smile, every hug, every "call me if you need to talk" feels like something more. Trying to keep my emotions in check as much as possible, but more than anything I've just come to realize that there's more fish in the sea, and there will be a woman who I can again love and trust, sooner or later.
Ok, so you are getting there. Detaching in your head. The emotions will follow. THEN, waiting won't seem as difficult. Right now, you are in hurry to get out of this horrible situation and D is the only direction available to you, other than waiting to see what happens. I visualize it (this sucky limbo) as a car wash. I have had to take my hands off the wheel, put the car in neutral, foot off the gas and the brake, and focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. Letting go of the control is very hard, but i know if I grab the wheel, or gas/brake, it will only slow things down and cause problems. So will getting out of the car before it is over. I do not want to wonder the rest of my life, what might have been.
You can D anytime. It won't end the pain you are in. It won't change the healing work you have to do. The rollercoaster Will slow down! No Contact with her will help that.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Digging through some stuff last night, and happened upon the first gift my wife ever gave me when we first started dating. Now those wonderful times are all I can think about, all day long. This is soul crushing sometimes. If this is a roller coaster, today I'm at the bottom.
Tomorrow we're having a talk about the house, dogs, etc. I feel like showing her the gift and asking her if she remembers it, and tell her this doesn't have to be the end - we can still rewrite it, but if she truly wants to leave me that I want a divorce filed within 30 days. I know this is pressuring and putting a deadline on things won't help, but at worst I can get closure to move on with my life. I plan on sleeping on it and looking at things with a clearer head tomorrow (I didn't sleep well last night).
