You sound strong. Great! Keep moving forward. This is YOUR life. These are ur feelings....feel them, learn from them and then go enjoy life.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thank you eric, I'm feeling good and optimistic. Probably for the first time since this whole nightmare started. Optimistic about life, not about H coming back...that's the big difference. Before I was evaluating my days by H actions. Now I evaluate them by my actions.
Hope that you are doing well
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Thank you eric, I'm feeling good and optimistic. Optimistic about life, not about H coming back...
This is where I'm at too, Mila.
I still find H's actions interesting at times, I just no longer analyze everything and wonder what it could mean. I don't think even H knows what his actions mean. lol
SA I think you are right regarding MLC's not even knowing what their actions mean. They are so lost on the journey all they can think about is themselves. They couldn't even begin to process how their actions affect their loved ones. It's all so sad.
Stay strong Mila this is a long difficult journey.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I am glad you are feeling strong. I really am. Now it is YOUR time. NOW you must really embark on YOUR journey. Now you must dig deeper than you ever have. NOW it is REALLY ABOUT YOU.
Your feeling towards your H may change, although I am sure that you will always love him.
I know you know how I feel about my W. The hardest thing for us the LBS is that letting go piece. Our need to have them "see our view point"...to see "our pain"...
Our journey is now to see and understand there pain...understand it enought to LET GO. To love them enough to no longer question why? Rather to answer the question for ourselves.
Keep moving forward Mila. Don't stop. No regrets. Life is short, go live it!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
SA - I also find H's actions "interesting" - if you can call it that. What he does still affects mine and D's life, and no matter how detached we are, they will affect us in practical and emotional ways. I still love the old him, but that's not who he is now. Who knows what the future will bring, but now is now and he is living his life and I'm living mine. Can't live in the past or the future....can only live in the present.
Glam - they are what they are right now, we can't fix them and they don't want to be fixed. They think that they are rational and that they know what they are doing....well we can agree to disagree, but we can't change how they think.
Eric - You are right I will always love the old him, if the "old" H ever shows up again the love will still be there. Yes the letting go is hard, to put it mildly. But I know that this part of our journey has to be lived separately. The key word for me is "lived".
I had a great day yesterday, played tennis in the morning with my new G friend and few other people. After, we went for a coffee and a chat. Boy, is my tennis rusty!!! Hope to improve on that. We will play once a week now.
For the afternoon I had so many house chores planned, but it was such a beautiful day that I was lazing around the pool reading all day. That's the new me...in the old days I would do my chores first and if there was time left I would take it for me. Now Me first lol. Chores could wait. In the evening I went to see a movie by myself...next time I have to take it easy on the popcorn and candy...felt yucky afterwords.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Hey Mila, it sounds as if you have taken a very big step this weekend - you put yourself top of your list and that is great to read about!!
Well done!
lalxx
Choose Life Me: 45 Him: 44 S:11 D:8 Met in 1992 Married in 1995 Bomb drop September 30th 2009 Divorce final April 16th 2011 exH Marries OW June 17th 2011
I 'm actually enjoying my life for the past week, lots of GALs, new plans for the future...I'm sick and tired of being down...I want to be happy again...I'm moving in the right direction
Hi Mila, that's where I seem to have gotten to too.... I just didn't want to be down anymore!! It's tough, but it feels better (and right) and alive. Good for you, girl! - SCh
